What to do? Urgently need advice.

Aslan

Aslan

rainy
Nov 12, 2006
3,987
1
#1
I have a girlfriend that I've known since I was 16 (I'm 21) now. She got a boyfriend a little while after I met her, who I was also friends with (but not nearly as close with).They have since gotten married, and now they're expecting.

Here's the trouble: her husband keeps hitting on me! And I don't know what to do. He's constantly messaging me on AIM, sending me messages on Facebook. Last week I went over to a gathering at their house and stepped outside for some fresh air and when I turned to go back in, he was standing behind me. He touched my shoulder and said that he wanted the two of us to do something fun together, l like we used to do when I was 16. I was so stunned, I just darted back inside.

I'm so sick to my stomach. What do I do? Part of me wants to tell her, since she's preg and starting a life with him, but knowing her, she'll probably be mad at me instead of him (I know this from her past experiences with him and other women). Now I don't want to be around either of them any more, and she told my other friend that she thinks I'm snubbing her.:sad: I need advice!
 
#2
This has happened to me before too. Confront him and tell him you are NOT interested and if he does not stop, you'll tell her. He'll move on to someone else. Telling her yourself won't accomplish anything positive, IMO.
 
#4
Roo said:
This has happened to me before too. Confront him and tell him you are NOT interested and if he does not stop, you'll tell her. He'll move on to someone else. Telling her yourself won't accomplish anything positive, IMO.
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Agree with Roo, this sort of situation really is the pits, you want to tell her what an a$$h$le she's married to, but she's obviously burying her head in the sand (as this has happened before) and you're not going to achieve much more than her turning on you...(these girls always find excuses for their men and blame everybody else..)

Unless she is a really close friend, I would just leave it alone and you haven't got much choice than letting her think you're avoiding her...Unless you can arrange to see your friend when she's on her own..

Hopefully, she'll see the light one day and tell her husband where to go..
 
#5
Make it clear to him that you are not interested. Don't answer his IMs unless they are important, don't respond to his Facebook messages and keep your distance from him.
 
#6
I will avoid any further contact with that guy.... if you have to see both of them together, stick with your girl friend. and avoid have any talk or contact with him.

In this case, I will not tell my friend cos althrough everyone will say " tell me pls i promise i will not tell my husband" but the fact is.. once they heard it.. they might get very mad and forgot what they just promised you. and most of the time they will confront with their husband straight away and the husband will said " no..." and start to blame on you that you are the person who started it.....

it is not gonna help the situation than create more damage to your friendship.
 
#7
Delete him off your IM so he can't contact you because men like that think any acknowledgement is sewing the seed of possibility.

Sounds like you shouldn't tell your friend but tell the horny little scum bucket to back the hell off or you'll tell his wife
 
#9
I would avoid him like the plague... and tell him that if it happens one more time you will tell her. I don't know... I am almost a fan of telling her now. That is creepy
 
#10
Megs said:
I would avoid him like the plague... and tell him that if it happens one more time you will tell her. I don't know... I am almost a fan of telling her now. That is creepy
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Avoid him. Threaten to tell her - but don't if you think your friendship is important to you. Delete him off your contact lists and avoid correspondence with him.

If your friend thinks you are snubbing her and it has hurt her feelings try a white lie or try to meet with her when you are SURE her husband will not be around.
 
#11
Roo said:
This has happened to me before too. Confront him and tell him you are NOT interested and if he does not stop, you'll tell her. He'll move on to someone else. Telling her yourself won't accomplish anything positive, IMO.
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Yes, now I realize I have to confront him, but that really makes me nervous. I'm not so good doing that with men. He probably won't be scared with the threat of me telling her, but I know now that I have to explicitly tell him to back off, instead of ignoring him.
 
#12
tell him you will not only tell her , but also show her his messages to you and prove it to her ...if he doesnt back off, do it. She deserves to see that and if she is so stupid she will choose to stay with him despite the proof, you dont need a friend like that.
 
#13
gillianna said:
Can't you show your friend his IM to you? I think she should know. I would tell her. If you loose her as a friend it is not the end of the world.
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gilliana, she won't care. Honestly. Thinking about it more, there'll be no change after I tell her. He's cheated on her many times and flirted with many girls. One time when I was 17, she called me up and asked me to help her beat up some girl that he had been sleeping with for almost a year.:rolleyes: I told her, one, that I had my first and last fight at 14, and two, she needed to confront him, not her. When it comes to him, she can't think straight.
 
#14
hi! you have pretty much gotten the best advice you can receive from those who have posted.

i would tell him his attention was not wanted and if he messaged me or approached me when his wife wasn't present i would tell her everything. i would save anything else i got from him in case you need proof.

in my experience most ladies prefer to believe the slime ball so it may end the friendship but that beats the alternative. :smile:

eta: just read your last post. i would not need a friendship with someone who asked me to fight someone for a guy. this will only continue to be trouble for you. phase them out of your life before it becomes worse.
 
#15
Aslan said:
gilliana, she won't care. Honestly. Thinking about it more, there'll be no change after I tell her. He's cheated on her many times and flirted with many girls. One time when I was 17, she called me up and asked me to help her beat up some girl that he had been sleeping with for almost a year.:rolleyes: I told her, one, that I had my first and last fight at 14, and two, she needed to confront him, not her. When it comes to him, she can't think straight.
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ok i give up dont mind what i have just written .... :confused1::nuts:
 
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