What is your "Me-Time" routine?

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  1. My daughter is now 26 months. Prior to her birth I had a full time career in consulting, which I gave up to be a stay home mother.

    Ever since she was born over two years ago, I have had only two nights away. Just a two night trip outlet shopping with my mom at an outlet about 3 hours away. Otherwise I'm with my daughter all day, every day, regardless of weekday or weekend. One other time we took a trip as a family (3 days to San Antonio). I planned, packed, and took care of her the whole time. So it was just like being at home, except in a hotel room.

    I really want a few days away. By myself. Is it normal to feel this way? I feel guilty that I want to leave her a few days. I keep reminding myself she'll grow up so fast and I won't have this time with her forever, once she starts preschool. But it is not easy...my husband doesn't take care of her unless I ask him to. He doesn't offer. And even then I have to have all her meals planned and prepared so it just needs heating. That's what I did for the outlet shopping trip.

    Once every couple months I do get brunch with some girlfriends, but that's only a few hours and then it's back home.

    Moms, what are your "me time" routines (how often, how long, and what do you do?)
    ceriseluster likes this.
  2. I just had my first baby October 2017. I know you are further along in the mommying adventure.

    Right now she barely sleeps a few hours. Im a stay at home mom and with her all the time.

    Once per month i get to go to the nail shop alone. I usually will add in a quick trip to window shop alone. Also one Saturday per month i have a sorority meeting for a few hours and go out to eat after.

    Thankfully my mom comes to keep her for a few hours per week so i can grocery shop or run errands alone. Sometimes i can use that time to see a movie.

    I hope when she gets older i can take a girls trip for a weekend. Most of my friends go on a cruise or Caribbean trip once per year. I will miss it in 2018 because the baby is young and i don't want my hubby to do all that alone. My mom volunteered to help him. But i decided i want to use her offer later in 2018 to go somewhere for my anniversary.

    Also once my hubby is home and has relaxed he does take her and bond with her and i run away and take a bath, watch nonbaby shows and give myself a facial or play in my makeup. Lol.

    Its not bad that you want you time. You need it consistently.
    Even if you can't do long away time
    Perhaps you can work out weekly alone time where your hubby keeps her and you are off the grid for a couple of hours.
    Julide likes this.
  3. Thanks for your insight. It sounds like generally you have an outing to yourself about 2x a month, lasting a couple hours to a half day, max. (I don't consider grocery shopping or running errands quality "me-time" haha). And in the evenings, your husband gives you a break to have time to relax at home, also by yourself.

    I really need to work on this with my husband. It's just I hate always having to ask. Like I need a favor. Which I guess it is, sort of. He did say that once I figure out what I want to do, to let him know. There's just so little time during the week since he gets home pretty much after she's already gone to bed. And I'm still cleaning up or preparing for the next day...and the weekends are packed with chores....but I've got to figure this out soon because it's really wearing me down.
    Tiny_T likes this.
  4. You are correct that i only have short getaways but that's ok for now with my LO only being 3 months old.

    Before LO arrived the hubby and i discussed our plan about working together to care for her. At that point i did ask for a few hours in the evening to myself. And during those hours i let him know it wasn't for housekeeping...it was my free time. I also have to do the best i can to use my free time for only me. So i do wakeup up very early and my "work day" starts and im pretty much on the clock as if i work out of the home.

    Also my cleaning routine has gotten more manageable because I've done major decluttering over the last year. But i don't really get any naps that new moms should get during the day. That is something i need to work on because im very exhausted at 3 months postpartum.

    I do hope you can get a divide and conquer routine determined with your husband. If you just cant free up time during the week perhaps your husband can give you Saturdays partially off. He can wake up and tend to your baby until midday with minimal to no help from you. And since baby is sleep most times he gets home during the week, the Saturday time with baby gives your hubby bonding time. He might really enjoy it. I hope it works out for you.
  5. I have two daughters 6 and 8. I worked immediately after the first was born. Then I stayed at home with the second until she went to preschool (about 2.5 yrs). I went back to work full-time over the next 3 years. I'm due again next month, so I've been on a break from working since 6 months ago. Though that doesn't mean I have a break at home.. So, to answer your question.. I have a little weekly paper pad scheduler and apart from what I have to do everyday, I always include something I want to do twice a week. Like get my nails done, or go on a long walk/hike (at least an hour is good). Once a month I get a massage. I like to go on a trip by myself once a year, it is usually 1 week - 10 days and so far almost always overseas. Of course, the husband needs to be on board with helping to make this all possible. I have a lot of mom friends that struggle with this. I say, just be firm and let him know your time is important for your emotional and mental well-being and you can't be a good mom or wife without it. If that's not enough to convince him, there may be deeper seated issues at hand because I think that's a very valid reason.

    If him helping really isn't an option, but he's okay with you spending a little to make it happen.. Maybe look into some part-time child care? Also, depending on where you live, there are drop off playtime activity places for toddlers who are both walking and potty-trained. The minimum amount of drop off time at the places I know of are 2-3 hours, which is enough time to do a bunch of stuff.

    I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed, but once she is in preschool you'll definitely have some relief during the day.
    Tiny_T likes this.
  6. I have an 18 month old and it's totally normal to want to escape for a bit! My dream since he was about 2 mths old was to book one night away in a hotel just by myself and relax. I just keep finding other things to spend the money on!!

    I work most of the week (have one day off) so I do feel like I get some me time. My husband is also really good with our son. There's no favours or 'asking' him to babysit, we just arrange what we are doing and the other takes over.

    Can you possibly hire a part time cleaner? Reduce the time spent on chores.

    I also second daycare. Even one or two days. My son has flourished so much going to daycare and really enjoys being with other kids.
    Tiny_T likes this.
  7. Thanks so much, I appreciate your response. I had a talk with him about my needs, and we've worked out that I get Saturday afternoons off! I got it last weekend. It was so nice. After O goes down for her nap at 1:30 I quickly slip out. But We still need to draw up a plan for who does what.

    This means I have to do my grocery shopping during the week, and bringing her along too, but I'm willing to do that so I get that time on Saturdays.

    Yes, I remember those early months. I thought I couldn't be more exhausted! Mine only napped on the breast so she never developed a reliable nap schedule until AFTER she stopped nursing. At 13 months. So I didn't get any naps either, since we never mastered nursing lying down.

    Thanks again for your insight, it really helped me. I hope you get some rest too!
    Tiny_T likes this.
  8. Thanks for your insight. I had a talk with my husband and he's very agreeable to helping me get some time alone. I think he's just kind of clueless that I'm so overwhelmed. And then I get resentful that he doesn't notice or offer! But all I had to do was ask/tell him. More like tell him haha. Like, this is how it's going to be....and he was like OK. So we've worked out I get Saturday afternoon off. My precious alone time...

    Wow, I'm very impressed you take a trip by yourself every year! I once bought a book called Traveling Solo, thinking I'd take a trip by myself. This was before I was married. But I never actually got up the courage to do it. So I'm very impressed! It sounds so wonderful to go to a spa in Greece or something for a week. That was one of the destinations in the book.
    Tiny_T and taho like this.
  9. I too have your dream! Lol. A night by myself in a nice hotel? A long, lazy brunch the next morning? Sounds too too good. I know what you mean about spending money on other things though. Like purses. Seriously. Every last bit of my spending money goes toward buying purses....I can admit it here since it's tPF, embarrassing as it may sound.

    About daycare...I think you're right. Sometimes I wonder if my girl is going to be shy because she's with me all the time at home. She's catered to all the time, which I'm starting to think isn't the best for her. I have to seriously think about this since she's getting to an age where she ought to be around other kids.
    AlyceG and Tiny_T like this.
  10. [QUOTE="Annawakes, post: 31955709, member: 582708"

    About daycare...I think you're right. Sometimes I wonder if my girl is going to be shy because she's with me all the time at home. She's catered to all the time, which I'm starting to think isn't the best for her. I have to seriously think about this since she's getting to an age where she ought to be around other kids.[/QUOTE]

    So glad to hear you got some time.

    My suggestion was going to be spend one night in a nearby hotel at some point. That way, you get a little time and you start feeling comfortable leaving her with your husband for short times.

    Also, I don't think it is a problem being around just you at this point but I would do some mommy and me kind of stuff when she gets a little older. I think it would be good for both of you. I didn't do that because I didn't really know much about it. I had my kids way later than most people around my age so it just wasn't on my radar.
    Annawakes likes this.
  11. I need my own me -time-often or I’m cranky.
    Going away is wonderful but haven’t planned much of that recently so
    I schedule my own me time and do
    What makes me happy. If I want to see a movie that’s not appropriate for my kids I go
    solo. I’m not shy asking for help either. It’s not in my DNA. :smile:

  12. I totally understand what you’re saying. My kid is 11 months and it is exhausting. My husband works and I take care of her although I go back to work in september. The thing is, when he goes to work he has peace of mind in the car, once he is at his desk he can turn on music, or go for a glass of water, and at lunch he can seat quietly, go for a walk... I have two hours a day of that. Period. That’s it. When I eat, drink or just BE I am watching her, holding her, playing, feeding, rocking... it mentally wears you down. And when you are empty, you can’t give! Your husband is her father and should be involved in raising her kids! If he doesn’t ask, make a schedule so you don’t feel awkward having to tell him. As for me time, I watch netflix, chill on the couch, paint my nails, bake cookies... that’sduring her two hour nap. Then if she goes down at 9, I’ll do more of that.
    I used to read a lot, watch deeper movies, or be aware if the political situation in my country. Now it’s just Friends on netflix. I can’t remember the president’s surname right now!! I feel like I got dumb! Is anybody else having this issue?
    Shopgirl1996 and thebookishbaker like this.
  13. IMG_1529682362.677175.jpg
    By the way, I’m grocery shopping... shhhhh...
  14. Me time is so important to me. I go to the fancy gym every day just for the daycare. i don't pressure myself to work out if I'm not feeling it; sometimes I just head straight to the steam room and whirlpool or the cafe for a coffee and book! Now that it's summer and school is out, I have a mommy's helper come over to entertain my older ones while my baby is napping and I'm either out running errands or upstairs lounging in bed (I'm incapable of napping, it seems). It's the only way I stay sane!
    Julide likes this.
  15. I had two 16 months apart. The husband took a new job in another city. I had NO help. It was hard. I don’t live in a big city with lots of options. What helped was doing baby/toddler friendly things. It relieved some of the pressure. Hindsight being 20/20, I wish we had interviewed and hired help before the children arrived. I tried to get help, but was too exhausted to keep at it, after the first few extremely disappointing candidates.

    Gymboree was really the only Mommy and Me type class in my area. We did that and it was great. It burned off a lot of energy in a safe environment, then they napped (me time!). There was a Post-partum, bring your baby along yoga class I wanted to do, but they took it off the schedule when I just had one.

    Most places will have a “(Name of Location) with Kids” website listing things to do with little ones.

    Gyms that have included childcare can be great. Grocery stores with online ordering and pick-up can be great. The surcharge for this service is less than a sitter would cost. There is no grocery delivery in my area, although I suppose we could get around that with Amazon Prime orders (which we already do for certain things) and meal delivery services (like Blue Apron, etc.). Mother’s Day Out programs and/or daycare, preschool programs can be great.
    Julide likes this.