I've had some big changes in the last year and a half: new country, new job, grad school starting up. But in this time, I finally learned to negotiate (a little) and to enjoy negotiating for what I want professionally. I wish I had learned to do this sooner!! I was afraid before of seeming "aggressive" or "greedy", but now I realize it's perfectly possible to ask nicely and as long as you have reasons for why.
Can we share some successes and failures in negotiating? I'll start with what I learned in the last 18 months.
I noticed my negotiating skills really improved when I started negotiating with other women around my age or a bit older. Up until then, I was mostly in rooms full of much older men. I admit, I was intimidated and felt small. Luckily, I had the chance to dive into negotiating with more women. I find I am less intimidated and more aware of their body language, non-verbal signs. I don't know what this means, or how I can use it when negotiating with men...but it's certainly an improvement over my prior skills.
I felt like I'd been thrown in the deep end of the pool for the last 18 month, and I'm finally getting enough of a breather to reflect on what I learned. I can't wait to test these skills out in some other context. Please share your experiences, there's so much to learn still...
Can we share some successes and failures in negotiating? I'll start with what I learned in the last 18 months.
A negotiation is never over, just because you get a NO, it might be a NOT NOW. At my newest job, I asked for a higher starting salary because I had more than the appropriate experience. But given my lack of fluency in the native language (project language is English, but I can only read and not speak the local language) the company would not give me the amount I asked for at the time. I accepted their offer even though I told them it was very low, but said I wanted to renegotiate in 3 months after they had time to see my performance. They agreed to this. I am so happy that I asked for a chance to restate my case and that we formally agreed on a time frame to do this.
Give your negotiating partner an easy way out, don't force them to make a decision RIGHT NOW. If you pressure people, they push back. Give them space, and they'll take the time to absorb your logical arguments. In my 3 month renegotiation, they began by offering a 15% increase (Already something I wouldn't have gotten if there was no renegotiating). I had done my research and knew that even a 25% increase would put me just below what someone doing what I do should be making. I was negotiating with a project manager who was perfectly capable of approving this by herself, but I told her "I understand if you need to discuss this with the VP. Now you know where I stand and what I'm asking is consistent with what other people my level would make. I can wait a few days while you try to convince the VP". Two days later, they give me the 25% I asked for. I have no idea if she even had to talk to the VP. She wasn't ready to give me 25% at the negotiating table, but somehow she came around to it without me even having to do anything more than sit quietly and do my work for two days.
Be prepared to justify what you're asking for. This seems like a no brainer, but if you're asking for a 25% raise, you better have some good reasons. Connected to the note above, I imagined that the PM really did have to convince the VP, so I was imagining myself tutoring her about all my skills and preparing her to negotiate on my behalf. It gets me out of this self-embarrassed headspace and I can be a little more objective about myself. (Hope that makes sense)
Sometimes you can make it retroactive! Without my asking, the 25% increase was applied retroactively so I effectively had the same higher rate even for the first 3 months. I didn't ask for this, my company was being decent and acknowledged I should have been paid more to begin with. But I'm definitely filing this one away for the future should I need it.
No ULTIMATUMS, unless you're actually prepared to act on them. I would personally never say "I can't accept anything less than X", it puts me in a corner where I look contradictory if I accept anyway and its insulting to the other party. I would prefer to say "I would love to work here/I'm learning so much here, this X% raise would make me feel like you recognize my good work and contributions". Wording is so important, sounding positive, or like you're part of the team that just wants to be recognized, is very powerful.
I noticed my negotiating skills really improved when I started negotiating with other women around my age or a bit older. Up until then, I was mostly in rooms full of much older men. I admit, I was intimidated and felt small. Luckily, I had the chance to dive into negotiating with more women. I find I am less intimidated and more aware of their body language, non-verbal signs. I don't know what this means, or how I can use it when negotiating with men...but it's certainly an improvement over my prior skills.
I felt like I'd been thrown in the deep end of the pool for the last 18 month, and I'm finally getting enough of a breather to reflect on what I learned. I can't wait to test these skills out in some other context. Please share your experiences, there's so much to learn still...
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