what does it mean when people say im coming to help?

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  1. when people say im coming to help with the new baby what does that mean . every time i have had a baby when my inlaws or other people come to help they do not help. they come for 1 or 2 weeks sit on my sofa go out ask when is breakfast lunch dinner i get no help why not just say im coming to see the baby cause thats all they do . so what does help mean to you ?
  2. actual help...doing the laundry, doing the dishes, cooking....helping with my other children. running errands if need be. watching the baby and letting me sleep.

    my mom came and helped out after i had my daughter. but i had to tell her what i needed done. so maybe you need to do that as well. or suggest and hope they get the hint.

    after just having and getting home isn't the time for family/friends to come over and to expect to be served meals. if they are offering help, put them to work!! :smile:
  3. My mom helped with everything after DS was born. She did laundry, walked the dog, swept the floors, cooked, helped with the baby (even got up with him in the middle of the night while DH was out of town for a few days), etc. I didn't have to ask her to do anything.

    Honestly, if friends or relatives acted in my house after a baby like the OP's did, I'd politely let them know that they were welcome to come to visit with the baby, but would need to stay in a hotel. One thing no woman (or couple) needs after a birth is a bunch of bumps on logs sitting around, waiting to be waited on!
  4. An old friend of mine came to help when I had my youngest child. She cooked, went shopping, picked up food at restaurants, watched him while I showered, etc. etc..
  5. "helping" would be different for everyone, so I don't think that there is any one answer here. Some people help by doing household chores, some people help by taking care of baby, etc.
  6. Okay, my MIL is clueless. We gave her a detailed list. She just pouted and didn't help at all. It was so stressful on my husband and I ,having her there. I'm going to get a close friend to help if we have another one.
  7. lol i see im not alone did your mom in law also take over the tv in the living room
  8. I've heard horror stories about that... um, it isn't "helping" if you just want free meals and cable, and only want to hold a clean, fed, sleeping baby!

    If anyone offers their help to us during the early days, I will point the way to the dishwasher, toilet brush, laundry room, and show them how to use our central vac system. ;)
  9. don't be afraid to ask for help...they offered, so put them to work ;)
    i literally had to give my mother step by step by step instructions. but in the end she did what needed to be done and i got to sit still and heal.
  10. I don't know, but my MIL came for a few days after my baby was born and I couldn't wait for her to leave. Sure, she cooked and cleaned but she drove me nuts and I was recovering from a c-section. She obsessed over the sleep in baby's eye (turned out she had a blocked tear duct - SO not the end of the world) and insisted on doing the opposite of what I asked her not to do (i.e., carrying my newborn up and downstairs). My own mother is one thing, inlaws are another. I'd rather do it myself.
  11. yeah some mils are just not much help, my first one was like that...annoyed the living day light out of me. luckily i never have to see her again.

    my new one was an angel, she was the sweetest lady ever and did all that she could to help others, sadly she died and never got to see my youngest son walk :sad:
  12. #12 Feb 18, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2010
    i consider myself very lucky that my MIL was super helpful. my mil cleaned, cooked meals, did laundry, took care of baby (including diaper changes , etc). she was there for the first week, then the next few weeks my mom was there and she also was a huge help as well. basically for the first couple weeks all i had to worry about was breastfeeding and recovering from the labor which was hard enough as it is with so little sleep.

    i can't imagine parents/inlaws offering to "help" when they expect to be waited on and won't cook, clean or help take care of baby. i would have kicked someone out of my house so fast if they did that...definitely not a person u want around with a new baby. when my DS has his kids i definitely want to help out as much as possible since i will remeber how difficult it was. i can't imagine just sitting there expecting to be treated as a houseguest in my own child's house while they are struggling to just get by and handle everything.
  13. My mum helped with cleaning, washing, cooking, taking care of DD so that I can catch a nap at times till now. My mum also baby sits DD when Im at work. I only concentrate with breastfeeding and takes care of DD with DH and brings our DD out for shopping and outdoor experiences.

    My DH helps with the washing of breastpump and sterilizing and carrying of heavy stuff.

    For myself, I'm very particular so I need someone with the same philosophy in raising my child to be able to give me adequate help. So, I will prefer others to stay clear and not interfere in the way I wanna educate and raise my child. I prefer no help in that aspect. Other than that, if it's household chores, I'd gladly welcome help!
  14. When I had DS, my MIL came to help (my mom had passed away). For the most part, she did. She watched DS so I could shower, sleep, etc. She helped out with the cooking and diapering. She also showed us how to bathe my little one.
  15. My sister has been here since Laila was a week old and she's been a huge help! When I'm nursing, she'll get food and drinks for me, she watches DD while I shower or run errands, and does light housework for me. I've definitely been spoiled; I don't know how people do it on their own, especially the first few weeks. I don't see my mom or MIL ever being able to help me out, to be quite honest. MIL will come to visit almost daily (we live in the same house), but has never offered to help and my mom would be trying to sneak DD formula all the time.

    I think I would go crazy if I had somebody in the house who wasn't doing anything to help or only wanted to hold DD all the time. I would sooner kick them out.