What do you do when you're scared?

hermes_lemming

my little etoupe
O.G.
May 5, 2006
12,325
3,526
I don't mean like seeing a ghost. But more like when the walls are caving in and you feel like you're in a hopeless situation. Giving up isnt an option. So other than crying your eyes out and praying to the powers that be, what do you do when you're scared?

I spoke to a friend yesterday who gave me a lil pep talk and reassured me I've been through worse and still came out on the other side. LOL maybe I need to call her back and have her remind me exactly what was worse.

Thanks for any helpful suggestions you might have.
 

ophousewife

Member
May 23, 2012
2,154
291
I feel down more often than I care to admit but I always find comfort in talking it out. My husband is my go to sounding board because he knows how I am and how I tend to think about things. It's pretty much a given that he will know I'm feeling anxious before I do. If I'm trying to recover from a panic attack I'm grabbing my daughter and going shopping. Lol. Retail therapy has solved many an issue for me.
 

remainsilly

bye-bye
Aug 15, 2014
6,470
9,581
I get outside.
Walk, meditate.
It's impossible to feel the world is caving in under a star-filled sky.
Infinite room, up there.
Can hold any amount of fear/stress I choose to let go.

Also, I ask my higher power to send what I need, send me where I need to be.
This often looks very different from what I WANT. ;)
But works out much better than clutching to my own control-freak ideas. :smile:

Hope helps.
 

hermes_lemming

my little etoupe
O.G.
May 5, 2006
12,325
3,526
I get outside.
Walk, meditate.
It's impossible to feel the world is caving in under a star-filled sky.
Infinite room, up there.
Can hold any amount of fear/stress I choose to let go.

Also, I ask my higher power to send what I need, send me where I need to be.
This often looks very different from what I WANT. ;)
But works out much better than clutching to my own control-freak ideas. :smile:

Hope helps.

Thank you. I think God or whomever knew something was wrong because 2 of my engineers and 5 friends checked in on me.

Hopefully this too shall pass soon.
 

Jesssh

Member
Jan 20, 2012
6,493
211
Breathe. Long, deep breaths. Preferably outside if the air is good.

Empty the mind.

Take a mental break and observe the present moment. No worrying about the future, no regretting the past.

Trust that everything will be ok. Solutions will reveal themselves when the mind is open and relaxed.

All of these take practice. Lots of practice. And they all are worth studying on a regular basis. They are skills and they need to be developed and maintained.
 

mcb100

O.G.
Jan 8, 2007
4,631
577
I've been through terrible times in my life, so when things are not so great right now, I just remind myself that things have been much much worse before (I still get scared/anxious, but I remind myself of past times and I still remain eternally grateful that my life is not in the same place that it was many years ago.), and I also take warm baths. I have many Kneipp bath soaks at home (I love the purple one for a good night's sleep), and I use those. Also, retail therapy + regular therapy + medication. (Just saying what works for me. I am not advocating the use of medication for anyone, but I have actual problems from the past that I won't post on here, so for some, it is needed.)


You'd be surprised at what regular therapy with a good therapist can do. It might take you a while to find a therapist that really works for you, but a few sessions of really just talking about your problems to a random stranger can work wonders. You don't have to commit yourself to someone and it's not always for people with real problems, you can just go to one or two sessions when you feel like, you need to talk about life. I don't have friends, really (partly by lifestyle and partly by choice), I'm sure that my SO, even though he would hear me out, doesn't want to listen to my problems all the time, so I find that sitting down with a stranger and telling them about what's bothering me, really helps.


Also you can try going outdoors. If you don't have a porch to hang out on, you can go for a walk around the neighborhood. If you live around a bunch of busy streets you can try to take the back roads and just go for a walk across the town. Sometimes walking outdoors can make you feel a bit better. Or you can try walking in cemeteries and parks.


Also what works for me is keeping a book, or a journal. (Not like the kind that you would keep as a little girl.) And if you have negative thoughts or you're having a bad day, just write about it. You can write all your negative thoughts down, and this also helps you feel like you're getting your thoughts out there without, say, unloading it all on your roommate, best friend, or partner constantly.
 

hermes_lemming

my little etoupe
O.G.
May 5, 2006
12,325
3,526
I feel down more often than I care to admit but I always find comfort in talking it out. My husband is my go to sounding board because he knows how I am and how I tend to think about things. It's pretty much a given that he will know I'm feeling anxious before I do. If I'm trying to recover from a panic attack I'm grabbing my daughter and going shopping. Lol. Retail therapy has solved many an issue for me.
You are very lucky. It helps to have someone living with you who is a good sounding board. I remember in my previous life (when I was married), I did retail therapy and it helped some.
I hope you are feeling better HL!
Thank you. :hugs: It's still a struggle but I'm going to my deathbed trying. Giving up isnt an option. Not succeeding isn't an option. I have a sweet little dog that depends on me and no alternative. I'll make it work somehow.
Breathe. Long, deep breaths. Preferably outside if the air is good.

Empty the mind.

Take a mental break and observe the present moment. No worrying about the future, no regretting the past.

Trust that everything will be ok. Solutions will reveal themselves when the mind is open and relaxed.


All of these take practice. Lots of practice. And they all are worth studying on a regular basis. They are skills and they need to be developed and maintained.
This has been my biggest challenge. I've succeeded in not living in the past but not worrying about the future is hard.
I go out for a run, or take a warm bath with salts and essential oils or bubbles. Reaffirm myself that everything will be okay. If it`s really bad I take ativan.
I have no idea what ativan is but it sounds real good right about now.
I've been through terrible times in my life, so when things are not so great right now, I just remind myself that things have been much much worse before (I still get scared/anxious, but I remind myself of past times and I still remain eternally grateful that my life is not in the same place that it was many years ago.), and I also take warm baths. I have many Kneipp bath soaks at home (I love the purple one for a good night's sleep), and I use those. Also, retail therapy + regular therapy + medication. (Just saying what works for me. I am not advocating the use of medication for anyone, but I have actual problems from the past that I won't post on here, so for some, it is needed.)


You'd be surprised at what regular therapy with a good therapist can do. It might take you a while to find a therapist that really works for you, but a few sessions of really just talking about your problems to a random stranger can work wonders. You don't have to commit yourself to someone and it's not always for people with real problems, you can just go to one or two sessions when you feel like, you need to talk about life. I don't have friends, really (partly by lifestyle and partly by choice), I'm sure that my SO, even though he would hear me out, doesn't want to listen to my problems all the time, so I find that sitting down with a stranger and telling them about what's bothering me, really helps.


Also you can try going outdoors. If you don't have a porch to hang out on, you can go for a walk around the neighborhood. If you live around a bunch of busy streets you can try to take the back roads and just go for a walk across the town. Sometimes walking outdoors can make you feel a bit better. Or you can try walking in cemeteries and parks.


Also what works for me is keeping a book, or a journal. (Not like the kind that you would keep as a little girl.) And if you have negative thoughts or you're having a bad day, just write about it. You can write all your negative thoughts down, and this also helps you feel like you're getting your thoughts out there without, say, unloading it all on your roommate, best friend, or partner constantly.
You sound like two of my friends. They reminded me that I've been through so much worse and somehow pulled through even in the 11th hour. I told them I'm not sure i'll be so successful this time, that i was scared because I knew failure wasn't an option, there is no plan B. They begged me to remain optimisic. I reminded them I'm not one, I'm a realist. So when there's fear, there's generally a good reason. They still told me to not give up. I'll figure it out somehow. Thank you, everyone.

P.S. I found a journal to help with heartbreak. Or at least it does with me. I know of a good therapist I saw a couple times after my divorce. I can't afford to see him right now unfortunately. I'm pro-therapy across the board. They help especially when you're dealing with stuff that's only unique to you.
 

mary333

O.G.
Mar 27, 2011
467
115
Hermes_lemming, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a hard time. I'll send you good wishes and thoughts to feel better. Feeling scared is a terrible thing. It sounds like you're alone now without a good support system. I wish I could meet up with you for coffee! When I'm feeling scared I'm usually able to talk myself out of it. I think of the worst case scenario, other choices I'm able to make, kind of like a pep talk in my head. This may sound trivial as your situation may be more serious but hang in there. I'm rooting for you.:smile:
 

hermes_lemming

my little etoupe
O.G.
May 5, 2006
12,325
3,526
Hermes_lemming, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a hard time. I'll send you good wishes and thoughts to feel better. Feeling scared is a terrible thing. It sounds like you're alone now without a good support system. I wish I could meet up with you for coffee! When I'm feeling scared I'm usually able to talk myself out of it. I think of the worst case scenario, other choices I'm able to make, kind of like a pep talk in my head. This may sound trivial as your situation may be more serious but hang in there. I'm rooting for you.:smile:

Thank you. I don't know what's going to happen to be quite honest. Trying not to give into the fear but it's hard. I'll know more by the end of oct. Just waiting for the month to unfold, albeit painful. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? This might do me in. Idk yet. :sad:
 

mary333

O.G.
Mar 27, 2011
467
115
Thank you. I don't know what's going to happen to be quite honest. Trying not to give into the fear but it's hard. I'll know more by the end of oct. Just waiting for the month to unfold, albeit painful. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? This might do me in. Idk yet. :sad:

hermes_ lemming, I hope you're feeling better. Please let us know. I'm sending you good wishes.
 

floatinglili

‘And then, a plank in reason broke...’
O.G.
Aug 2, 2006
1,102
3,750
Does anyone know of any mantras that help? Like anything to give you strength when you can't see through the trees? TIA!


I think the key is to 'be the change you want see'... That sounds confronting but I don't mean it that way. I mean for you to aim to spend 15 minutes BEING and absolutely POSSESSING the qualities or life story that you want. No ifs buts rumination or 'talking yourself down'. You are that person!
Next day, try to extend a little longer in the exercise.
 
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