What did you do for your 2nd wedding?

bellafleur

bellafleur

O.G.
Apr 26, 2007
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1
#1
(Mods, I hope I'm posting this thread in the right place- it's not really a question about relationships per se, mostly just social appropriateness and general idea-seeking...:smile:

So, my wonderful BF and I are nearing engagement, and we've both been divorced. We're both still relatively young (early 30's), and our first marriages lasted less than 2 years. Even our first weddings were very similar- both smallish destination weddings. I wish he was the one standing at the altar the first time!:smile:

My question: what kind of event is appropriate for a second wedding?? If you've been married more than once, what did you do the second time? We want our wedding to be small, but special for the close friends and family who really matter. And we don't want to spend a whole lot, having done it the first time and gotten it out of our systems. We're not going to hold a spectacle or register for china or do anything that will make us feel greedy. It's hard for me to explain how I feel without knocking big weddings, which I'm not trying to do at all. Basically, we just want to do something that will celebrate our love, but without drawing attention to the fact that these same friends and relatives spent all this time and money on our first weddings, for naught. Does that make sense??

Anyone have any ideas or experiences of their own to share? Thank you!!:smile:
 
#2
Basically, we just want to do something that will celebrate our love, but without drawing attention to the fact that these same friends and relatives spent all this time and money on our first weddings, for naught.
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You just said it yourself!! Keep it simple and intimate, don't go nuts with all the bells and whistles of the wedding industry.

My dad's second wedding was beautiful and I thought it was just right for a second wedding. They held it in their backyard, which went a long way to making it feel intimate and not over the top. I think that's part of it- they had 40 guests and it was all family and close friends, as opposed to the really big first weddings where people are invited because the parents want them there, not for their connection to the couple (stepsister is going through that right now, her guest list is up to 200!). My stepmom did the flowers herself, my stepsister and I were the bridesmaid/groom's attendant and we just wore pretty dresses we picked ourselves that didn't match at all.
I would say, keep the guest list small, the location intimate and not too OTT (think a restaurant instead of a hotel ballroom....). Also, I wouldn't register for gifts although of course some people will give them anyway, and if anyone asked I might request that they make a donation to a charity or something instead, since there's nothing you need.
 
#3
My mom is getting married in a few months - she is 53 and her fiance is 61. They're having a courthouse wedding with immediate family (my grandma, me & my fiance and my brother & his girlfriend, his daughter & her fiance and his son) on a Friday and then having a Sunday morning brunch at a restaurant with more family & their close friends. My mom says it'll be somewhere around 30ish people.
 
#4
My uncle had his second wedding at a small restaurant, overlooking the city. The only people invited to the ceremony were his daughters and parents, and the close relatives of the bride.

He then had a reception at a local park, where everyone was invited to partake in some extra delicious cake. (Mmmm, vanilla almond cake... I still dream about it. And I'm a big chocolate fan!)
 
#5
Well I'm still married to my first husband and we don't plan to get divorced but here is our hypothetical do over (we are totally crazy to plan a do over, I know)...

First .. I 'd elope. Too much family & friends pressure and criticism the first time. I had to resign from the whole process and let them do anything they liked...

The dress...

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Oscar de la Renta short wedding dress, because the traditional long one didn't really do it for me the first time.
I looked like a pregnant Priscilla Barbie...

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Location...

Okinawa , no question about it!

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This is the very very popular Aqualuce Chapel. My best friend in Japan, Yuko, is a wedding coordinator at one of the leading wedding coordination companies in Tokyo. She tells me Aqualuce is all the rage. Plus it's so surreal and eerie , I love it! The ceremony plan costs only 1.3 k!

Honeymoon...
After Nick's pleading, crying, and pouting we would go to this little island the film Megane was filmed by director Naoko Ogigami. And we would spent at least 6 months doing nothing (except maybe fishing?) at the little hotel the film is about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_V79MGc-Iw

The cake...

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Green tea wedding cake. Actually the first time was ok, because we did have a green tea wedding cake!:P
 
#6
My first wedding was a big pretentious bash and the marriage lasted a short while. I then found love again with a man who also had a big bash for his first wedding. Therefore our second wedding was small, intimate family affair in my parent's garden. Cream color dress, orchids and late december lunch..almost 10 years has gone by and a pair of twins later, we are still very much in love..
 
#7
My first big wedding was a huge white dress and black tie affair with limos and a string quartet, champage fountains and white glove service. I was divorced 7 yrs later.

My second wedding was very small. We eloped and and were married in the living room of our friend's home (the friend was a judge). The groom wore his best suit and I had purchased a goegeous pale pink silk suit from St. John.

After the 10 minute ceremony, we went to the nicest restaurant in the city for a spectactular 7 course meal that was to die for. The next morning, on a spur of the moment, we decided a little honeymoon was necessary so we packed up a weekend bag and went top the city, staying at the best suite The Plaza had to offer that week.

No fanfare, no planning, no bands, no drama.

A classy elopement done on the down low so that truly, we would get married in peace and happiess and make our wedding truly all about us and us alone.
 
#8
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and ideas! And Lily, thanks for planning the whole wedding for me!:smile: Though I don't know if I could do green tea cake...:smile:

Here's what I know- my dress will be simple, probably something off the rack, comfortable and elegant. He'll wear a suit, not a tux. My best friend will be my maid of honor and only bridesmaid, and his brother will be his best man. We both have small families, and can count our really true friends on both hands, so there won't be much fuss about the guest list. We're still debating about co-workers, because I work in a really small, close-knit office who were all there for me when things fell apart last time. He has a handful of good work buddies who would probably appreciate an invite. I'm sure we can keep the guest list under 50-ish, though even smaller wouldn't bother me. Both of our first weddings were small, because they were destination weddings.

As for the ceremony, I'm a lawyer, so we talked about having it in the courthouse, or having a judge officiate at an outdoor ceremony or something simple. He's catholic, but doesn't need to have a religious wedding thankfully, especially since his first wasn't annulled. I guess I'm not too concerned about where we hold the ceremony itself, but we do want to throw a good party afterward without going over the top. His family is from Italy, so they're lots of fun with lots of wine:smile: What we really want to do is spend the money we would spend on the wedding on a spectacular honeymoon to Italy. But we still want to have a nice celebration here. We haven't started looking at venues yet, but hopefully we'll find something that fits our personalities but is still reasonable. I almost don't want it to feel like a wedding, but more of a happy gathering of all the people we love in one place:smile:

Keep your stories coming, it's really helpful to me, thanks!!:smile:
 
#9
When DH and I got married a little over a month ago, we did a courthouse thing, just the two of us....not even any parents or anything...that was how we wanted it. Then the following weekend we went to a resturant and had a big dinner for the whole family. Well, our honeymoon is in 7 months, we're going to Maui and while we're there we are going to do a ceremony there which I suppose would be the "2nd wedding" at the Grand Wilea resort. The reason we did it so small the first time is because I'm due with our second child next month and are putting money away for that and the honeymoon...we've also been together for 8 years and didn't feel the need for all the "fanfare" that goes with weddings, especially with the economy being what it is. and you know what? I wouldn't change any bit of it!! I'm glad we did it so intimately.
 
#10
Bellafleur, all the best! I'm sure you will have a wonderful event and more wonderful life with 'suo marito italiano'.. after all that is the most important thing. Congratulation!
 
#11
My first wedding was very elaborate and formal--and lasted 7 years. For 2nd wedding, my DH and I wanted to elope but our parents would have killed us so we had a small family affair at my mother's house with a Justice of the Peace and a catered luncheon. I wore a "church dress" and my husband wore a suit.
 
#13
Thanks for all the good wishes, everyone!:smile: I should tell you the best part of the story- a week after we met, he introduced me to his older brother. Immediately, I knew the brother would be the perfect match for my best friend, who had just ended a 4-year relationship the same time I got divorced. We introduced the two of them the following week, and they've been together and absolutely in love ever since! So it's quite possible that she and I will be planning our weddings together!:smile: Though it's her first and my second, so I'll indulge her if she wants to have a big to-do...:smile:
 
#14
congrats! I just wanted to say if you want small and intimate that is great, but also, don't short-change yourself, if you want to go more extravagant in some areas or want to make up for experience you didn't get to the first time around there is no shame or embarrasment in that.

I have worked in the wedding industry for some time in hotels and people still do very nice ceremonies and receptions for a second. Instead of a sit-down though, cocktail style is more popular for these. The couples are generally older, wiser and wealthier so while they don't want all the bells and whistles they know what they want and ususally plan very nice, intimate and romantic celebrations.
 
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