Weird facebook situation

madamefifi

madamefifi

cat hoarder
O.G.
Aug 23, 2006
5,809
742
#1
I am "friends" on FB with my stepson B. Last evening he sent me a "friend suggestion" and guess who it was---his MOTHER!!

I have never really talked to her but the few interactions we've had have been pleasant enough. From things B tells me, she actually sounds kind of like someone I might sort of like if, you know, I wasn't married to her ex, who loathes her. Except for her cavalier attitude towards animals though the pig thing is actually working out but that's a whole 'nother story...

I rather feel like his mother and I should leave our relationship as-is, that is to say, non-existent. But how to explain to B? I don't want to hurt his feelings but I don't really want to befriend his Mom on FB and thus give her access to all my "stuff" if you KWIM. Though I do keep it pretty superficial on FB, but still...

So, what would you do?
 
#3
You can't ignore a suggestion like that from a stepson. THis is different. Why not ask your husband and mention how it came about? Weirdly, my MIL is really good friends with her last husband's first wife. It could do good with your relationship with your stepson too... maybe ask him too about the request (though he may not be honest)... I don't know. I guess if it were me, I would tell DH what has transpired and would make friends with her - she doesn' thave to accept, right? I can only see it 'help' family dynamics, but then maybe I'm being naive.
 
#4
I think you can ignore it. If it gets mentioned then just say that you never look at those things. Getting into the dynamics of the relationship is really something that your husband should explain to your stepson and not you.
 
#5
I think that facebook itself comes up with friends suggestions most of the time so perhaps your step son just accepted without giving it a thought, most teenagers dont lol!!

If I knew my husband disliked her, I do not think I would add her as a friend without seriously thinking it through ;)
 
#6
I find the FB thing rather annoying, IMO. I joined a few years ago because a co-worker suggested it so I figured why not.

Now, 2 years later, I am always getting requests, etc. which is OK, but I find it annoying when I get a request because someone threw a snowball at me, or suggested I take a test to find out what kind of dog I am.

I really don't like things like that and I just ignore them instead of trying to answer each and every one of them.

My REAL friend, who is also my FB friend, is constantly sending me game requests and stuff like that and I am just not into it. Whatever.

Personally, I wouldn't fret about it, OP.
 
#7
onegirl you can block those suggestions... there should be an option like "mark as spam" and you can block all further invitations from that user which I've done dozens of times because of all those stupid applications

madamefifi I think I would just say to your stepson that you appreciated it but you really just use it to keep in touch with your highschool / university friends. He will probably accept that as a good reason for you not to 'friend' his mother... if he doesn't you could always tell your DH why you're adding her and just put her on limited profile and set your privacy settings so that she can't see anything
 
#8
Well if the mother suggested the invite either she genuinely wants to be friendly or she wants access to info about you & your husband. Some ex's like to hang on!

I think it may be better if you do not accept.
 
#9
I wouldn't ignore it because it could hurt your relationship with your stepson. There is another question here that you need to know before you make your decision. How do you know your stepson's mom wants the same thing? Since the suggestion came from your stepson, it is very possible that his mom received the same suggestion and is struggling with it as well. Any chance you could send a message to her just to find out if SHE wants to be your friend?

If it were me, I would want to maintain my privacy. Also, I think it would be unhealthy for her to constantly see pics of you and her ex husband happy together. I would probably contact her and let her know that you would love to keep in contact with her because it would be good for your stepson. You could suggest having lunch or chatting on the phone. She will probably never take you up on it, but it makes it look like you are not snubbing her.

Good luck!
 
#10
^I agree. If you do add her and still don't want her to see all the private info you could put her on limited profile or something so that she doesn't have access to certain elements of your profile (for example pics) :yes:
 
#13
It looks like what he did crossed a long-established boundary. It was a suggestion, nothing else, so you don't have to do it nor explain why you would follow the suggestion or not. It's up to you. I know you don't want to "hurt" your stepson's feelings, but IMO you can't: his feelings belong to him. Plus, was he thinking about your feelings when he sent that suggestion? Apparently not...
 
#14
he432 said:
onegirl you can block those suggestions... there should be an option like "mark as spam" and you can block all further invitations from that user which I've done dozens of times because of all those stupid applications

madamefifi I think I would just say to your stepson that you appreciated it but you really just use it to keep in touch with your highschool / university friends. He will probably accept that as a good reason for you not to 'friend' his mother... if he doesn't you could always tell your DH why you're adding her and just put her on limited profile and set your privacy settings so that she can't see anything
Click to expand...

The problem is, it's not just from ONE friend, it's many, so the last thing I would want to do is go in and block all of them, kwim? I should just turn off my e-mail notification instead. That might be easiest because I rarely log into my FB unless someone sends me a friend request.

But thanks for your suggestion.
 
#15
I would talk to your husband about this. If he doesn't mind, then add her. I think it's great when everyone in that situation can get along. If it's too weird for your hubby than I would totally ignore it. It could make him uncomfortable.
 
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