Wedding Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette -- HELP!!!
- Thread starter Luna
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At our up coming rehearsal dinner we are planning on having 20 people tops!!! And we're having it at a pizza place (but everything we're doing for the wedding, the wedding included, is VERY CASUAL). We're having...me, fh, my parents, his parents, my grandparents, his grandparents, my 3 girls, his 3 guys and maybe 2-3 extra people/children there. 70 people is just too d*mn many people in my opinion.
When I got married for the first time, we had a formal rehearsal dinner for the wedding party plus some of the out-of-town relatives (i.e. grandparents) ONLY, but afterwards my ex's parents had an informal cocktail party in their hotel suite to which everyone was invited. My ex-in-laws asked for assistance in planning the event because they were from out of town but I left the final decisions totally up to them because it was ultimately their party. I never would have dreamed of bossing them around like your future SIL is doing! It doesn't speak well of her, does it?
Ugh.. thank you all for your support, My mom will love reading this. Now she has affirmation that she isn't the one who is wrong.
My SIL to be is very bossy.. My brother doesn't step in and defend our side of the family.. like.. ever. My mom is always wrong in any battle, SIL Vs. My Mom
My SIL to be is very bossy.. My brother doesn't step in and defend our side of the family.. like.. ever. My mom is always wrong in any battle, SIL Vs. My Mom
Now thats ridiculous.
I agree with the other posters in that your future SIL needs to chill. If she were forking over the dough for the bill, well then let her go at it. But expecting your mother to pay is just presumptuous and rude.
Like others have stated, maybe your brother needs to step in? Or does he agree with her? Hm.
I'm so sorry you and your mother are having to deal with this unnecessary stress and drama. Your future SIL sounds horrible!!
Sounds like your mom and the SIL, and maybe even her mom need to have a reality sit down. You stand in for your brother if he won't support your mother.
Your mother needs to lay down a price she is willing to pay for the rehearsal, if your SIL needs more, then she needs to pony up.
Debt for weddings is insane. Looks like your brother should have a talk with his fiance about financial expectations for their married life as well.
Oh- tell the MOB to return her dress.
Your mother needs to lay down a price she is willing to pay for the rehearsal, if your SIL needs more, then she needs to pony up.
Debt for weddings is insane. Looks like your brother should have a talk with his fiance about financial expectations for their married life as well.
Oh- tell the MOB to return her dress.
another reason i like the idea of eloping.
sorry, i have been through so many dramatic weddings.
i think it is nice for the out of town guests to be a part of the festivities, but don't believe that it needs to be an expensive sit down dinner. seems excessive.
i wouldn't car if both of the MIL's wanted to wear chocolate brown, why should it be her concern. it would make for a cute photo with both of them in the same color.
there is no reason to start out a life together with all this bickering over an event. i have never understood the whole bridzilla attitude. it's a party, celebrate and have fun..that girl needs to lighten up a bit.
sorry, i have been through so many dramatic weddings.
i think it is nice for the out of town guests to be a part of the festivities, but don't believe that it needs to be an expensive sit down dinner. seems excessive.
i wouldn't car if both of the MIL's wanted to wear chocolate brown, why should it be her concern. it would make for a cute photo with both of them in the same color.
there is no reason to start out a life together with all this bickering over an event. i have never understood the whole bridzilla attitude. it's a party, celebrate and have fun..that girl needs to lighten up a bit.
Lucky for your soon to be SIL and unfortunately, unlucky for your mom.
if you brother isn't going to talk some sense into Ms Bridezilla, maybe your mom should. very nicely say, traditionally, only immediate family and those very involved in the wedding come to the rehearsal but i understand if you want a few more people there so let's cap it at 35 ppl.
i think that dress issues is ridiculous. your mom bought it first, and ASKED her and she said to buy it. HER mom should be the one looking for another dress. Heck it, let them both wear chocolate!!
sometimes these bossy ppl think they can run over you if you keep quiet. after all it's your mom's money! if the bride wants 70 ppl at a rehearsal, she's welcome to pay for the difference .....
I'm going to offer another perspective on this, so Mom if you're reading think about what I'm about to say:
It is pretty clear that your future daughter in law has control issues. She may be jealous of the relationship your son has with you and other family members. Because of this, she is creating conflicts to set you up to be the "bad guy" so that she can drive a wedge between your son and his family of origin. Men are notorious for avoiding conflicts at all costs- so he is probably doing this because he loves all the people involved and really does not know how to handle this.
My advice would be to pay for the dinner and do not give this monster what she wants in terms of conflicts. The main thing is that this is your son's wedding and you don't need the bride to create a situation where a huge fight erupts before the big day. Once she realizes that you are not engaging her in these games, she'll give up and move on. I feel for you though, because you can't choose who your children decide to pair up with. I guess what I'm saying is to fight the battles you can win... and I don't think this is one of them.
It is pretty clear that your future daughter in law has control issues. She may be jealous of the relationship your son has with you and other family members. Because of this, she is creating conflicts to set you up to be the "bad guy" so that she can drive a wedge between your son and his family of origin. Men are notorious for avoiding conflicts at all costs- so he is probably doing this because he loves all the people involved and really does not know how to handle this.
My advice would be to pay for the dinner and do not give this monster what she wants in terms of conflicts. The main thing is that this is your son's wedding and you don't need the bride to create a situation where a huge fight erupts before the big day. Once she realizes that you are not engaging her in these games, she'll give up and move on. I feel for you though, because you can't choose who your children decide to pair up with. I guess what I'm saying is to fight the battles you can win... and I don't think this is one of them.
I think your mom should be proactive and sit down with both your brother and his fiance and simply give them the amount of money she is willing to spend on the wedding. After that it is up to them (her) what to spend it on. She shouldn't apologize or explain the amount--just say that this is what I would like to contribute. Then let the fiance plan it all, since she wants to. This will help you and your mom to avoid battles, being let down by your brother, and hating her and her family before the wedding even happens...There's plenty of time for all that after they are married.
When my sister got married, the wedding rehearsal had everyone who was in the wedding (and they could bring along their spouses or significant others if they wanted), parents, siblings, and a few that were very close to them. They did have a group of our relatives from out of town, but they flew in from England to the U.S. to be there, so of course they were invited! There was nowhere NEAR 70 people invited. We had drinks, appetizers and really good pizzas in a banquet hall of a local restaurant.
After the dinner they rented the baseball field out and everyone played kickball and had drinks. Anyone who wanted to come could, and it was a blast!
After the dinner they rented the baseball field out and everyone played kickball and had drinks. Anyone who wanted to come could, and it was a blast!