Wedding Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette -- HELP!!!

Luna

Luna

wheeeee
O.G.
Jan 19, 2006
4,721
172
#1
Okay... my poor mother is going insane. My brother is getting married in october. Let the drama begin!

I was under the impression that the grooms parents (my parents) were supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner. I know this is "tradition"... and my mom knows it as well, which is why she was prepared to plan and pay for it.

Now my brother's fiance is basically calling the shots... and well, my mom isn't having it. My brother's fiance wants to invite 70 people to the rehearsal dinner. Now... lets be honest, the out of town guests (true out of town guests, like, they had to drive far distance or take a plane) yes, maybe they can be invited. But people that AREN'T in the wedding party that are driving like 45 mins?

First of all, the guestlist is way too huge IMO... second of all, why does the bride think that she gets to pick wherever it will be and book the place... isn't that my Mom's decision and responsibility.. considering she is the one paying...

I dunno.

I've never been married... or planned a wedding... my mom is completely floored...

Can someone shed some damn light on me?!
 
#3
I thought the only people invited to the rehearsal dinner was anyone involved in the wedding (meaning bridemaids, groomsmen, mother and father of the bride, mother and father of the groom).
 
#4
^^ that was my thoughts also.

I mean.. 70 ppl... that's like.. the amount of people you invite to the wedding (for some people, small weddings!)
 
#5
Oh, come to think of it, the night before my cousin's wedding, his parents hosted this barbecue in their backyard.


If she wants 70 guests, do the barbecue. Get a keg and recruit the guys to work the grill.
 
#6
I think 70 people is a bit excessive, especially since she/her family is not paying for it.

Is this the only issue that bride and MIL are differing on?
 
#7
Interesting article from your Google search!

Here's the part on Who to Invite. I think this is a great way to keep with tradition (IMHO) plus acknowledge the out of towners:


"Do I have to invite out-of-town guests?

Once upon a time, a rehearsal dinner was only for the wedding party and the immediate family of the bride and groom. Now, wedding magazines will tell you that you have to invite all of the out-of-town guests. Here's my opinion: it is a nice gesture, so that you don't leave them at loose ends in a strange town the night before the wedding. However, if you don't invite them, you can include a list of restaurants or things to do in the area on your wedding website. Also, you can hold the rehearsal dinner on the early side, and then include a note in your invitations saying "If you're in town the night before the wedding, we'd love to see you! We'll be at the East Side Pub after 9 pm – please join us if you can make it." A nice touch is to get the bar to provide pub snacks and appetizers to your guests, which will still be less expensive than providing them dinner. "
 
#8
Good golly.... bride-to-be sounds like she's going slightly bridezilla....

Seventy people at the WRD? she must be high!

Hugs & happy thoughts to your mom as she works thru this... !
 
#9
caitlin1214 said:
Oh, come to think of it, the night before my cousin's wedding, his parents hosted this barbecue in their backyard.


If she wants 70 guests, do the barbecue. Get a keg and recruit the guys to work the grill.
Click to expand...
Not a bad idea. We had about 45 people at our rehearsal dinner and it was very informal. We actually ordered pizza:nuts:. It was a blast.
The suggestion of inviting out of town guests to meet at a local bar/pub sounds good. Possibly the lounge of the hotel they are staying in?
 
#10
I can't recall how many people we had at our rehearsal dinner, but we invited immediate family, out of town guests and those in the wedding party (and significant others). I think we must have had at least 50 people there ... and only 90 at the wedding itself! But my husband's parents did pay for the event.
 
#11
this is NOT the only thing my sister in law to be and my mother have had disagreements on.

There have been so many issues... right up to asking how much money my mom can put into the wedding about a week after the engagement. I think that put a sour taste in my mom's mouth. (though as I'm writing this a part of me is paranoid that she will find this thread somehow and murder me in my sleep for it)

Anyways... Okay.. My mother was freaking out about find a dress that she liked, that fit her, and that was comfortable (for the wedding). She finally found one.. was hesitant in buying it... left the store, called my sister in law(to be) and asked her what color her mother was wearing. (The whole time while dress shopping with my mom, we were looking for chocolate brown, navy, etc.) colors... we thought the Mother of the Bride was going to be wearing a champagne color....

Long story short... My mom buys the dress in chocolate brown... then is asked to RETURN it (it's non-returnable) because the exact next day, the MOB went out and bought a chocolate brown dress knowing the color of what dress my mom had bought.

My mom would have NEVER bought a dress the same color as the MOB... but my SIL said to buy it!!

So now we have a dress fiasco pending... Ive been scouring the internet looking for this dress in a different color.. we found it.. but have had to order it in several sizes.. and colors.

Such a frickin' drama. There are so many things that are driving my mom crazy about this... I am 100% certain that she is not looking forward to this wedding at all....

So... going from what you ladies are saying.. 70 is excessive, correct? Because I believe it is... if you're going to have 70 ppl at your Wedding rehearsal, why not just have the wedding that night!?!?

This is such a nightmare.. and I feel horrible for my mom. She's definitely getting the sh*t end of the stick.. which is why I've been trying to help her out as much as possible.
 
#12
I should also note that the Mother of the Bride is actually taking out a frickin mortgage for this wedding.
.... I really don't knwo what is going on in their heads.

Why have a huge wedding that you cannot afford?
 
#13
StinkyMonkey said:
Not a bad idea. We had about 45 people at our rehearsal dinner and it was very informal. We actually ordered pizza:nuts:. It was a blast.
The suggestion of inviting out of town guests to meet at a local bar/pub sounds good. Possibly the lounge of the hotel they are staying in?
Click to expand...

The BBQ idea is a good idea... So is the Pub idea.

Problem: The bride almost went tonight to a restaurant to book it for 70 ppl... $25 bucks a head, I believe.

... Why is SHE going to book it?! It's my MOM's money!
 
#14
Um, where is your brother in all of this? Can't he step in and rein her in?

70 people is definitely excessive. I feel sorry for your family with this person marrying into it- I hope she has other redeeming qualities.
 
#15
Luna said:
The BBQ idea is a good idea... So is the Pub idea.

Problem: The bride almost went tonight to a restaurant to book it for 70 ppl... $25 bucks a head, I believe.

... Why is SHE going to book it?! It's my MOM's money!
Click to expand...

Sounds like bride to be needs a Smack Down. Unbelievably selfish. :cursing::cursing::cursing:
 
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