Wedding invite does not say "plus one" or "guest"?

[pinklipgloss33]

Well, of course you will have a "terrible time" if that's the mindset you go with!

Why not focus on the wedding and what it is about, instead of your own needs? Why not use this as an opportunity to develop your social skills? If you go through life refusing to do anything without a boyfriend in tow, you're going to miss out on a lot of life! You won't be sitting by yourself, you'll be at a table with other people...probably others who are there solo, as brides usually keep this in mind....and there will be people to chat with and even have fun with, if you go with an open mind.

I am mystified why you (or anyone else) thinks they are entitled to bring a date to a wedding, regardless of the bride's wishes. And I don't think the living together argument is compelling. Nowadays, there are plenty of people who routinely move in with their boyfriend/girlfriend du jour, so living together does not always signify the seriousness of a relationship, and even if it did, it is still not your day, it's the bride's day.

It seems that it is more important to you that the bride recognize your current relationship status, than for you to recognize this important day in her life. Part of being an adult is doing things on your own, and it's really a shame for your friend that you can't go solo for a few short hours out of your life in order to celebrate her marriage.

Excellent post.

 

[Vegas Long Legs]

Well, of course you will have a "terrible time" if that's the mindset you go with!

Why not focus on the wedding and what it is about, instead of your own needs? Why not use this as an opportunity to develop your social skills? If you go through life refusing to do anything without a boyfriend in tow, you're going to miss out on a lot of life! You won't be sitting by yourself, you'll be at a table with other people...probably others who are there solo, as brides usually keep this in mind....and there will be people to chat with and even have fun with, if you go with an open mind.

I am mystified why you (or anyone else) thinks they are entitled to bring a date to a wedding, regardless of the bride's wishes. And I don't think the living together argument is compelling. Nowadays, there are plenty of people who routinely move in with their boyfriend/girlfriend du jour, so living together does not always signify the seriousness of a relationship, and even if it did, it is still not your day, it's the bride's day.

It seems that it is more important to you that the bride recognize your current relationship status, than for you to recognize this important day in her life. Part of being an adult is doing things on your own, and it's really a shame for your friend that you can't go solo for a few short hours out of your life in order to celebrate her marriage.

Great post Leah.

 

[Pinkcaviar]

Well, of course you will have a "terrible time" if that's the mindset you go with!

Why not focus on the wedding and what it is about, instead of your own needs? Why not use this as an opportunity to develop your social skills? If you go through life refusing to do anything without a boyfriend in tow, you're going to miss out on a lot of life! You won't be sitting by yourself, you'll be at a table with other people...probably others who are there solo, as brides usually keep this in mind....and there will be people to chat with and even have fun with, if you go with an open mind.

I am mystified why you (or anyone else) thinks they are entitled to bring a date to a wedding, regardless of the bride's wishes. And I don't think the living together argument is compelling. Nowadays, there are plenty of people who routinely move in with their boyfriend/girlfriend du jour, so living together does not always signify the seriousness of a relationship, and even if it did, it is still not your day, it's the bride's day.

It seems that it is more important to you that the bride recognize your current relationship status, than for you to recognize this important day in her life. Part of being an adult is doing things on your own, and it's really a shame for your friend that you can't go solo for a few short hours out of your life in order to celebrate her marriage.

You hit the nail right on the head with this one.

I have one or two friends who needs to read this!
I recently had a friend who almost refused to come a friend's wedding because her date did not want too. It's different from this case because she was given a plus one, but the girl has only met her SO for less than a year and she has known the bride for almost 10 ... yet refuses to come by herself!
It's mind baffling!

 

[Panda1]

Excellent post. I have gone to weddings myself and though a bit shy, I had fun meeting people. I wanted to be there for my friend/family member and I was.

No one is entitled to "+1". It is the couple's event and they can invite or not invite whomever they choose. With regard to weddings, everyone has a budget and they have to draw the line somewhere.

To paraphrase Ms. Manners, a wedding is not a date. It's an important life event for two people and whom they decide to share it with is their choice, their business.

I disagree that it is a breach of ettiquette not to encourage single guests to bring a date.

Before I was married I was invited to friends' weddings all the time as a single guest. I'm not a particularly outgoing person but I always looked forward to talking to new people, making new friends. I don't see what the problem is going alone to a wedding.

 

[shanam]

Great post Leah.

Yes, very well said. This thread is a good example of the difference age makes in one's opinion.

 

[K.Z.]

Talk about projection... Your feelings, not your boyfriend's, are the ones that got hurt, though not by the invitation. You're choosing to look at it as you do. Most boyfriends I know would pay to get out of having to go to weddings.

Plus-1s aren't automatically included in all weddings. What's so devastating about going alone? It's a wedding, one day, one night; it's not the rest of your life. Granted, some weddings are more fun than others, but you can't know unless you go and check it out. You could always leave early if you're hating it.

The bottom line is you got invited, and your boyfriend didn't. So go if you want to go, or don't go if you don't want to go. In the end, whether it was "rude" to invite you alone is irrelevant.

I think you're going to miss out a lot in life you can't do stuff like this alone. No matter how close you are to someone, you are not attached at the hip. If you live long, you'll have to do a lot of things alone that you would rather not do alone. So you might as well start practicing.

 

[Jahpson]

If it were my wedding, I would want my guests to enjoy themselves and be comfortable. I would never say it's about "me, me, me" and everyone needs to suck it up because it's MY special day.

If it weren't about the guests, in addition to myself, then I wouldn't be having a wedding and just having a marriage at city hall with one witness, and no celebration. That's just me, though. People are entitled to invite whomever they wish, but I do care for the comfort of guests at a party, and would try to acknowledge those who have a serious SO, or those who may not know many other people.

I share that same sentiment!

 

[Bitten]

Yes, very well said. This thread is a good example of the difference age makes in one's opinion.

Easy with the age-generalisations tiger! I'm 27 and I'd never behave in the manner the OP and others have suggested is reasonable. As I said, I've been grateful for each invitation to a wedding I've received, whether invited with a guest or not. It's an affirmation of friendship and a sign of the couple's desire to have you witness a significant day in their lives.

 

[nataliam1976]

If it were my wedding, I would want my guests to enjoy themselves and be comfortable. I would never say it's about "me, me, me" and everyone needs to suck it up because it's MY special day.

If it weren't about the guests, in addition to myself, then I wouldn't be having a wedding and just having a marriage at city hall with one witness, and no celebration. That's just me, though. People are entitled to invite whomever they wish, but I do care for the comfort of guests at a party, and would try to acknowledge those who have a serious SO, or those who may not know many other people.

great post, exotikittenx, the whole go alone enjoy it and make new friends scenario sounds ok in theory, but in reality people usually party within the circles they know and like at the weddings - from my experience anyway. Nobody cares about making new acquaintances and how invitees who are alone and dont know anyone feel.

 

[jillybean307]

I'm kind of over this thread--I think we can coin a new term "guestzilla." Some of you have been invited to share a very special day for a friend or family member and some of you would refuse to go because you can't bring along a date? That's the most selfish thing I've heard in a really long time. Way to make someone else's day about you.

It doesn't have to be about them not having enough money to afford your guest. Maybe their marriage actually means something to them, and they want it to involve only a chosen few to share the day with instead of making a circus event for anyone and everyone. You should be honored that they care enough about you and want you there, not gripping.

FWIW, My cousin is getting married next month, and I did get a plus one, but I'm not bringing anyone because I don't want to have to spend the night babysitting someone when I could be dancing with my cousins & their friends.

 

[shanam]

Easy with the age-generalisations tiger! I'm 27 and I'd never behave in the manner the OP and others have suggested is reasonable. As I said, I've been grateful for each invitation to a wedding I've received, whether invited with a guest or not. It's an affirmation of friendship and a sign of the couple's desire to have you witness a significant day in their lives.

If you read my post on the first page you will see that i agree with you. in respect to the age generalization my intent was that for some of us as we get older, going to things alone is just not a big enough deal to deny the pleasure of the event. As for asking to bring someone when they were not included, I would not put the person who sent the invitation in a position to have to explain their reasons.
I should not have generalized....sorry.

 

[agart245]

I disagree with this "It's my day and I can do whatever I want" attitude. Perhaps the ceremony is mainly for the bride and groom, but the reception is supposed to serve as a thank you to the guests for attending the wedding. If I ever get married, I would want to make sure my guests are comfortable, and part of that would be allowing them to bring someone with them.

Some of these posts are making it seem like the guests should feel flattered just to have been invited to the wedding. I think the people hosting the wedding should feel flattered that people actually wanted to attend their wedding. I think people vastly overestimate the importance of their weddings to others. People usually attend weddings out of obligation, and not because they have a burning desire to watch two people exchange vows. If people are sacrificing a whole day of their lives to celebrate a wedding that isn't theirs, they should be allowed to bring a date if they so choose.

 

[rainrowan]

Right now, I think the OP already knows her answer. Given she mentions her introvertedness, it is rather difficult for someone of that personality type to mingle comfortably. Sometimes the anticipatory anxiety is worse than actually being there. If you don't attend... she won't notice on her wedding day, trust me! You may have to keep in mind she *might* remember when it's time for your wedding...

Personally, I would call the bride to touch base and thank her for the invite and see whether there is room for a guest. Or better yet, the close friend/bridesmaid can find out for you. Bride would be touched that you called to ask and if she is a friend, she will be honest with you... I am sure you won't be the first one to be calling about bringing a guest!

OP will know mutual friends there and there will be plenty of time in between ceremony, reception/wedding hall to soak in the wedding vibe and cheer. The spotlight won't be on her the entire time, only the bride... but I *do* understand the hesitation...

but there really shouldn't be any offense by the invitation itself. It could simply have been a misunderstanding or someone else made up the invites. I get mad at others only if deep down I'm really upset with myself instead, kwim?

 

[LVShoeFan2]

I'm sure you've made up your mind already, but I think you should go! The bride will make out her seating chart and seat you at a table where there are people you know OR people she feels you'd get along with. You might even end up with new friends out of it!

 

[jordanjordan]

I don't know why I am being attacked for being a "guestzilla" just because I asked about the etiquette of inviting guests to a wedding. I am well aware that the bride can do whatever she wants, and I am very flattered that she would invite me to her special day, but that doesn't mean I can't respectfully disagree with the manner in which I was invited and decline the invitation because of it. Though I am obviously not entitled to a "plus one", I don't feel comfortable attending alone, and that is that.

Not that I should have to defend myself to a bunch of strangers who are critiquing my ever move, but I am very independent and do lots of things by myself. My BF and I are not "joined at the hip" and I would gladly attend this event if I could go with a girlfriend or a mutual male friend I share with the bride, but to go to a very formal event alone and be thrown in a table with a bunch of people I've never met is not a situation I would be at all comfortable in.

I am a very private and introverted person and prefer to keep a small, close social circle rather than mingling and meeting a lot of new people at party type events. That is just the way I am- it has nothing to do with the fact I'm in my mid-twenties or feel "entitled". To those who say I need to develop social skills, there are plenty of people in this world that are introverted and that doesn't mean they need to change. I respect the bride's decision to invite me alone and as such will not be asking if I can bring anyone, so I don't see how that makes me rude at all.

Finally, I have always really enjoyed reading and posting on the purse forum. I've always received such helpful, constructive responses to my questions and seen a lot of support being offered between members. This is the first time I have really felt personally attacked for no apparent reason and it is really disappointing. Thank you to those who offered helpful and friendly suggestions and opinions.