Wedding Etiquette Question

  1. Hi ladies and gents, here's a question that's bothered me ever since the idea of getting married crossed my mind (I'm not getting married anytime soon, just wondering!). In traditional American weddings, the bride's father walks her down the aisle. In the absence of the bride's father, usually another male relative stands in.

    But what happens when the bride has *two* fathers? My parents split when I was a baby and remarried when I was quite young, so I've always grown up with two fathers. I call both "dad." So who walks me down the aisle? The seeming right answer is my biological father, but I'm not nearly as close to him as my stepfather. Complicating the matter is the fact that my biological mom and dad detest each other and haven't spoken in probably 24-25 years. If I chose my stepfather to walk me down the aisle, I don't know that my dad's family would even show up they'd be so put out. If I chose my biological father, same with my mom's family (they'd show, but there would be a lot of fighting and a lot of tears). It's a no win situation :hysteric:

    Like I said, I have no plans to get married soon, but any time the thought of a wedding crosses my mind I get sad because wedding ceremonies are really not designed for women with families like mine. I'm planning on eloping at this point! Anyone been in this situation? Anyone seen a bride simply walk herself down the aisle?
  2. this was the same situation that a friend of mine was in when she got married. She had her biodad walk her halfway down the aisle and then her stepfather took over. To her this symbolized the fact that they were both a part of her life.
  3. You can have both if I'm not mistaken. Someone asked Dear Abby this before and she looked it up (she usually uses Emily Post as her reference but I'm not sure if she did on this one).
  4. I think you could have anyone you want walk you down the aisle. My dad just got remarried, and my now-stepmom's dad has cancer and was too weak to walk her down the aisle (he was doing pretty well though so totally not depressing). So my dad just walked down the aisle with her. Keep in mind that my stepmom is a really prominent member of the community (she's the vice president of a hospital) and no one said anything about the fact it was untraditional ... I don't k ow where you live though. Because I'm in CA so a lot of people do things untraditionally here. But I think having 2 dads is normal these days (I do) so whatever solution you come up with (your brother walking you down the aisle...) should work. Don't worry!
  5. I've seen the bride do this at a few weddings.:yes:
  6. this sounds good to me. good thing you're thinking about this now. I just wish families would behave themselves and remember that the wedding is the bride and grooms day and not an opportunity to air all the dirty laundry. Eloping can be very romantic too! Just have a big reception for friends and family the weekend after....
  7. Absolutely have both walk you down the aisle. It will be your wedding day and it must be exactly as you want it because you will never have another one (hopefully)!! Explain to everyone that that is the decision that makes you feel the best inside, and to please understand for the sake of your wedding.
  8. Thanks for all the commentary, ladies! I feel silly worrying about something that's only a possibility anyway, but it's always bugged me. Good to hear that wedding planners/churches can accomodate testy families.
  9. I think that's a great way to go. Or you can have both dads--some people opt to have their parents, i.e. mom and dad, so I can't see why you couldn't have a dad on either side.
  10. It made me cry that my father wasn't alive to walk me down the ailse but it was just as special to have my grandfather do it.

    I see nothing wrong with having them both walk you. To both of them you are their little girl, right? It would be tough to choose between them. So why do it? Let them both have that privledge. :smile:
  11. I worked with someone who was getting married. She was NOT close to her biological father AT ALL, so she had her 'Grampy' walk her down the aisle.

    (I'm not getting married for awhile, either, but I think about stuff like that, too. I remember thinking about wanting to dance with my dad to "Daddy's Little Girl" but feeling weird about it because I have two half sisters. Then I heard the entire song and don't want it anymore. It's too mushy. I decided that I want "Penny Lane" as a dance with my father instead.)
  12. You can definitely have more than one person walk you down the aisle. I got married 13 years ago, and I had my mom and dad walk me down the aisle.
  13. I agree w/ a few others. My first thought was to have a Dad on each arm walk you down the aisle.
    I'm pretty traditional, but this day is such a HUGE day and so important to you for all kinds of symbolic reasons. Surely you could do what your heart leads you to do and both guys can get along for you that day.
  14. This is something you should not stress out about now...relax...a wedding is your day to be done the way you wish.

    If you are really traditional it would be your biological father...after all, if were not for him you would not be here today.

    Times have changed and I feel you can do what ever you wish when the time comes.
  15. I think in different faiths, different rules apply. Like I believe in Judaism, both parents walk you down the aisle, so I think having both fathers or doing the split would be fine. Traditions should draw us closer together no cause grief and heartache. If it does, then I believe you have the right to create your own tradition!