You are planning your outfit around a busy day of social and professional engagements. You have a meeting with an estate agent, followed by lunch with a friend.
You want to fit in a spot of shopping and, later, a walk in the park with your baby.
Do you wear a) a comfortable but stylish pair of jeans, smock top and ballet pumps; or b) a skintight leather pencil skirt, figure hugging, bra-revealing designer blouse, vertiginous heels and gigantic, face-swamping shades?
If you are an ordinary person, you will no doubt be drawn to the practicalities afforded by the former.
If you are Victoria Beckham, however, you will undoubtedly have opted for the latter. Because let's be honest, Victoria doesn't really do dressing down, no matter how mundane her to-do list.
By night, meanwhile, she increasingly looks like she has been marooned in a dressing-up closet for several days with an invite to a party that no one else is going to.
However, even by her own unique sartorial standards, last week there were a couple of particularly high-octane appearances - from the eye-watering pink bra and zebra print dress she sported to the MTV awards in Los Angeles, to the peculiar corset and hotpants twinset that she chose to wear to the Glamour Women of the Year party, and the bunion- flashing, cripplingly high spiked stilettoes she wore to the Graduate Fashion Awards.
It is Victoria's daywear, however, that really fascinates.
Even the most basic of activities cannot take place without, at the very least, six-inch heels, giant sunglasses and, oddly, a leather cap. The cap is a recent favourite, worn for both parties and first class air travel.
Particular highlights on the Victoria Beckham outfit spectrum include the spike-heeled boots and hotpants she wore for a 'stroll' along the seafront with her children in St Tropez, and the skintight pencil skirt and teetering heels she popped on to go house hunting with a Beverly Hills estate agent last month
We have to assume she perused ground floor areas only, as she certainly wouldn't have been able to walk upstairs without sustaining an injury.
Then there's the salmon pink pencil skirt and tight blouse she chose to wear to visit the 'Strictly Pleasures' sex shop in Hollywood earlier this year. Most odd.
It is hard - to be frank - to recall a single occasion where one has ever seen Victoria Beckham look comfortable.
She is the definitive sufferer of a dangerous new affliction: Debilitating Fashion Syndrome (DFS), an alarming condition in which sufferers allow their fashion choices to hamper their ability to lead a normal life.
What must it honestly be like to be one of these people, though? Put simply: how, given the constraints of her wardrobe, does Victoria actually manage to live her life?
After trying out some of her outfits for a day, I can report that she must do so with immense difficulty at all times. Even the most basic Victoria Beckham look - think black leggings, skinny vest tops and heels - renders day-to-day activity something of an assault course.
For a start, just getting dressed is a palaver. There is a common denominator to Victoria's clothing and it's best summed up as follows: tight. So much so that it takes quite an expenditure of energy simply to put it on.
You want to fit in a spot of shopping and, later, a walk in the park with your baby.
Do you wear a) a comfortable but stylish pair of jeans, smock top and ballet pumps; or b) a skintight leather pencil skirt, figure hugging, bra-revealing designer blouse, vertiginous heels and gigantic, face-swamping shades?
If you are an ordinary person, you will no doubt be drawn to the practicalities afforded by the former.
If you are Victoria Beckham, however, you will undoubtedly have opted for the latter. Because let's be honest, Victoria doesn't really do dressing down, no matter how mundane her to-do list.
By night, meanwhile, she increasingly looks like she has been marooned in a dressing-up closet for several days with an invite to a party that no one else is going to.
However, even by her own unique sartorial standards, last week there were a couple of particularly high-octane appearances - from the eye-watering pink bra and zebra print dress she sported to the MTV awards in Los Angeles, to the peculiar corset and hotpants twinset that she chose to wear to the Glamour Women of the Year party, and the bunion- flashing, cripplingly high spiked stilettoes she wore to the Graduate Fashion Awards.
It is Victoria's daywear, however, that really fascinates.
Even the most basic of activities cannot take place without, at the very least, six-inch heels, giant sunglasses and, oddly, a leather cap. The cap is a recent favourite, worn for both parties and first class air travel.
Particular highlights on the Victoria Beckham outfit spectrum include the spike-heeled boots and hotpants she wore for a 'stroll' along the seafront with her children in St Tropez, and the skintight pencil skirt and teetering heels she popped on to go house hunting with a Beverly Hills estate agent last month
We have to assume she perused ground floor areas only, as she certainly wouldn't have been able to walk upstairs without sustaining an injury.
Then there's the salmon pink pencil skirt and tight blouse she chose to wear to visit the 'Strictly Pleasures' sex shop in Hollywood earlier this year. Most odd.
It is hard - to be frank - to recall a single occasion where one has ever seen Victoria Beckham look comfortable.
She is the definitive sufferer of a dangerous new affliction: Debilitating Fashion Syndrome (DFS), an alarming condition in which sufferers allow their fashion choices to hamper their ability to lead a normal life.
What must it honestly be like to be one of these people, though? Put simply: how, given the constraints of her wardrobe, does Victoria actually manage to live her life?
After trying out some of her outfits for a day, I can report that she must do so with immense difficulty at all times. Even the most basic Victoria Beckham look - think black leggings, skinny vest tops and heels - renders day-to-day activity something of an assault course.
For a start, just getting dressed is a palaver. There is a common denominator to Victoria's clothing and it's best summed up as follows: tight. So much so that it takes quite an expenditure of energy simply to put it on.
