'We Used A Private Eye To spy On Our Cheating Husbands'

  1. 'We used a private eye to spy on our cheating husbands'

    Aimee Kitton can't quite pinpoint the moment she decided to hire a private detective to follow her husband. It began, as it so often does, with niggling doubts. Suddenly, he seemed colder and more distant and started switching off his phone when he was out at night. Doubt turned to suspicion when he began arriving home at 4am.

    When he became jumpy every time he got a a text message, she finally challenged him. He then accused her of being 'paranoid' - a label every woman dreads.
    For 32-year-old City trader Aimee, hiring a private eye was a way of taking back control. Instead of torturing herself, she made the call that would ultimately provide her with the brutal truth about her financier husband.
    [​IMG] Nothing but the truth: Maria Goldwin, Aimee Kitton and Karen Ellison hired private detectives to spy on their husbands

    'My marriage was slipping away from me,' she says. 'Simon and I had been together for five years after meeting in 1998 on a training course when we worked for accountants Arthur Andersen.

    'We bought a house together in London and married in July 2000. For two years after that, our relationship was rock solid. But by 2002, my suspicions were driving me to distraction.
    'I was in pieces and needed to do something about it. With a friend, I searched on the internet to find a private detective to follow my husband and find out the truth.'

    Her actions may seem drastic, but according to a survey reported in the Mail this week, they are not uncommon. The number of private investigators hired to snoop on suspected adulterers has tripled in a year, according to a report published by law firm Grant Thornton.

    The survey, based on interviews with 100 divorce lawyers, reveals that nearly one in five couples involved in divorce cases hired an investigator - with a third more women than men using their services.
    That may be because men are more likely than women to be having an affair - in 86 per cent of all 2005 divorce cases, men were being petitioned for divorce by their wives on the grounds of adultery.
    Hiring an investigator may cost several thousand pounds, but an impending House of Lords ruling could turn family law on its head by allowing the conduct of both parties in a marriage to be taken into account when deciding upon financial settlements. Hard evidence, it seems, may soon convert to cash.
    'In simple terms, committing adultery, the biggest reason behind divorce, could cost its perpetrator dearly,' says Andrea McLaren, a specialist in financial settlements on divorce.
    All that, however, was far from Aimee Kitton's mind when she instructed Douglas Pole at Metropolitan Investigations to follow Simon. At that stage, she was
    simply worried sick that her marriage was about to implode.
    She recalls: 'I handed over photographs of my husband, so Douglas knew who he was looking for.' Then she embarked on what she thought would be an agonising wait.
    But just a couple of hours into his first watch, the detective called to tell Aimee he was in London's Covent Garden taking photographs of Simon with a woman who was clearly his lover.
    'I raced to the bar where they were, to witness it for myself,' says Aimee. 'I wanted to see what this woman looked like.'

    In fact, watching her husband kissing his young mistress, it occurred to Aimee that she was a carbon copy of herself ten years earlier. The 20-something woman, who turned out to be an office junior called Laura, was slim, blonde, pretty and exuded sexual confidence and ambition.
    'She looked just like I did when we first met,' she says. 'I felt sick. My emotions were racing between anger and heartbreak as I watched them canoodling in the corner of the bar.

    'After seven months of my husband telling me I was going mad, I had proof that I was right.' The problem, of course, is what to do with such information once you have it. In Aimee's case, it ensured there was no chance she would give her marriage - or her husband - a second chance. Heartbreak swiftly turned to a desire for revenge.

    'My marriage was over. I wanted to file for divorce on the grounds of adultery and for that I needed evidence of more than them just kissing in public - that would only constitute unreasonable behaviour, in a court.'
    So, struggling to maintain her composure, she returned home and waited for her faithless husband to return. When he did, she simply told him she wanted space and was going to stay with a friend for a few days.

    'I felt as if I was dying inside, but somehow I held it all together and managed to be as normal as possible. I was sure he'd take the opportunity to invite this woman back to our house - and I was right. I sneaked back when he was at work two days later and although he'd tried to do a clean-up job, not much gets past a suspicious wife.'

    The first thing she noticed was a pile of rented chick flickDVDs in the sitting room - films her husband would never usually watch.
    'It may seem a small thing, but it was an example of the intimacy they were sharing in my house. I was devastated. But the final insult was walking into the spare bedroom, a room we rarely used, to find the bed hadn't been made properly. They had actually been having sex in my spare bedroom.
    'I was hysterical and picked up the phone to the detective again.'
    This time, he fitted a listening device inside the house. That night, she sat with him in his car, waiting for four hours until her husband's lover arrived at midnight.

    'It was sheer hell,' she says. 'We heard her say: "You're the man of my dreams, Simon, but when are you going to leave her and be with me?"
    'As Simon avoided answering her questions, they got into a bit of an argument which then led to passionate sex.'
    Sitting in the car outside her home, Aimee heard everything. 'It was the most painful experience of my life, but it was also an almighty release. At last I knew I wasn't mad or paranoid or ridiculous, or any of those other things my husband had told me I was.'
  2. Armed at last with the evidence she needed, Aimee resolved to confront the pair.
    At first her husband refused to let her in and bolted the door from the inside. Eventually, when she threatened to call the police, he relented. Her husband's mistress, meanwhile, had locked herself in the bathroom. Aimee simply undid the door with a screwdriver.
    She recalls shouting at her: 'Don't you dare cry! You're sleeping with my husband in my house and you think you have a right to be upset!'

    Not surprisingly, Aimee successfully divorced Simon in December 2003 and the settlement she received was a vindication of her choice to spend £4,000 on an investigator.
    Another woman who handed over a similar sum to establish the truth about her husband is Maria Goldwin, a 48-year-old full-time mother of two from Chelsea.

    She paid £5,000 of her savings to catch 63-year-old Richard, an entertainment executive.
    She describes it as the 'worst and best money I have ever spent'.
    For that sum, an investigator got video evidence of her husband and his lover enjoying an afternoon together in a London hotel, and extracted deleted e-mails from the hard drive on his computer.

    'It was a sorry way to bring our marriage to an end, but I had to know what was going on,' she says.
    She couldn't understand why, in the spring of 2004, the man she married 14 years earlier suddenly changed so much.
    'At times he treated me with utter disdain as though he actually hated me and couldn't bear my company.'
    Then one day, in May of that year, Maria called him on his mobile.
    'He was in his office in London and accidentally hit the wrong key on his phone, when I think he'd intended to cut me off,' she says.
    'Unknown to him, I was then able to listen as he spoke on his office phone to his mistress.
    'The conversation was deeply sexual - and he said he'd feel comfortable having sex with her in her marital bed, but not in ours. I was completely aghast.'
    She also discovered from the conversation that the woman was a friend of hers.
    Armed with the truth, Maria, like Aimee, decided to wait before confronting her lying husband, feeling that only when she was armed with proof should she confront him.
    A friend put her in touch with Research Associates who promised to get her the evidence she needed.

    Two days later, an investigator followed Maria's husband and his lover as they checked into a hotel in the afternoon, kissing passionately. They left four hours later.
    That should have been enough, but like Aimee, the urge to find out more - however unpleasant - seemed gruesomely irresistible.
    'I wanted to know what hold this woman had over my husband. I needed to know if their relationship was purely sexual or if there was an emotional connection.'
    The answer came in deleted e-mails uncovered by the investigator in which her husband poured out his heart to his lover.
    'He said he didn't love me any more and didn't want to be with me and our children,' she says. 'Those messages were far more painful than the sexual ones we found. I was heartbroken.'
    But before she had the chance to confront him, he confessed after seeing the home phone bill and noticing the 30-minute call his wife had made to his mobile.
    'It must have set alarm bells ringing,' she says. 'At most we only ever spoke for a couple of minutes on the phone.
    'He told me he'd fallen in love with someone else. It was the final insult.'
    But thanks to the investigator, Maria had the last laugh. Eventually her husband discovered she had hired someone who had combed through his e-mails. 'Hilariously, he was furious,' she says. 'Though why he felt he had any right to be, I don't know.

    'Our divorce hearing is due in the High Court this November and all I can say is that it will be a very interesting case and will bring huge relief once it's over.'
    But if women such as Aimee and Maria feel that using a private detective strengthened their positions in the divorce courts, Karen Ellison, from Alderley Edge in Cheshire - the heart of footballers' wives territory - who hired a private eye to follow her 38-year-old husband John earlier this year, believes it actually saved her fouryear marriage.
    Things started to go wrong after Karen, 35 - who works in marketing for a healthcare company - suffered a miscarriage two years ago, after almost three years of trying for a baby.
    'Initially, John was very supportive and caring, but as I sunk into a depression, he struggled to share his own emotions with me. That's when he began to change.'
    She noticed that he became nervous if his phone rang at home. When he returned from business trips, he didn't seem pleased to see her. Their sex life dwindled and he was less affectionate than before.
    They were all subtle behavioural changes over a period of time, but together they set alarm bells ringing.

    But she says: 'I didn't dare consider that he might be having an affair. I was worried that if I asked the question and found I was horribly wrong, it would destroy our trust for ever.'
    By December, she was distraught and turned to the internet to find someone who could put her out of her misery. There she found Riding & Sons Investigations who sent someone to follow John to a marketing conference later that month. 'For those three days, I was a nervous wreck and could barely eat or sleep,' she says.
    The moment of truth came just days later.
    Karen recalls: 'They came over to my house with photos of John and his mistress - they were kissing in dark corners and sharing an intimate dinner holding hands across the table.
    'I was devastated. I remember my hands were shaking and I was crying.'
    But while Karen's heart was broken, like Aimee, she talks of the 'relief' of knowing after months of worry.
    'Anger, fear, relief and despair gripped me in equal measure,' she says. But she decided to wait until her husband returned to confront him.
    'It gave me time to decide what to do,' she says. 'Would I go, would I stay? Could I imagine my life without him?'

    Astonishingly, she decided that despite everything, she still loved him.
    'The thought of splitting up was too much to bear,' she says.
    When her husband returned, she calmly handed him the collection of incriminating photographs.
    I told him: 'We've got to sort this out once and for all, no more lies.
    'He was utterly shaken and broke down in tears. Ironically, I ended up comforting him that night. He pleaded forgiveness and was adamant he wanted to mend our marriage. He ended the affair immediately.'

    For the past few months, the couple have struggled to put their marriage back together.
    'It's been a painful few months, but we both want it to work and, ultimately, to try for a baby once we are back on an even keel,' says Karen.
    There are days when I really struggle to come to term with what's happened, but I'm trying very hard to stop blaming John and also beating myself up for things I wish I'd done differently. I'm optimistic we will get through this.'
    The cost of this exercise was £800, a mere fraction of the thousands other women are prepared to pay - and perhaps well worth the money if it does save her marriage.
    All three women have no regrets about going to such lengths to discover the truth about their cheating husbands.
    On the one hand, it can empower a wronged wife, but on the other - as Aimee's story shows - it can be terribly undignified.
    It also presents any wife with a dilemma. If an investigator proves her fears unfounded, what does it say about the state of trust in her marriage in the first place?
    'I don't regret hiring an investigator. I needed to know and I believe it saved my marriage in the end,' says Karen.
    'If the affair had continued we may never have had the opportunity to get our lives back together.'

    Aimee agrees: 'Hiring Doug was the best investment I ever made. I'm honestly happier than I've ever been. Knowing the truth bought me my freedom.'
    Whatever the rights or wrongs of such methods, the days when anguished wives suffered in silence appear to be over. And if the law changes to favour wronged spouses even more, the use of investigators is likely to soar in coming years. And the stories of women such as Aimee, Maria and Karen may not seem quite so unusual.

  3. great read, thanks for posting! They are very brave women, I could never catch my husband doing something like that and walk away and not whip his a$$ :mad:

  4. I totally agree! I always joke that if he ever cheated...it would be the most expensive mistake of his life! I'm taking the cash, the house and the dog. :p
  5. Great story. Every woman or man should do if they suspect infidelity! Thanks Prada!
  6. That was a really long read, so I skimmed through it. I would hire a private investigator too if I thought my husband was cheating! I won't be giving any second chances to cheaters. None.
  7. I think they should have spent the money on purses.

    If you suspect your partner to the extent that you would consider hiring a private eye, you are just hiring that private eye to tell you what you already know.

    The only evidence you need is in your heart, and the way the needle on the trust-o-meter has gone way over to the left and busted the damn thing.
  8. Wow!
  9. Thanks for posting! That was a great read!
  10. great read. thanks for posting
  11. I do think though it makes it easier to have some hard proof, often these women still have doubts despite the mounting evidence. It is really hard sometimes to let someone go who you still love.

    I'm sure it doesn't hurt in the court battle, either, especially in places that do not have no-fault divorce.
  12. Good read. I agree that it's a bit expensive though. After all, I could tail and take photos myself. Heck, I watch Veronica Mars!
  13. "But thanks to the investigator, Maria had the last laugh. Eventually her husband discovered she had hired someone who had combed through his e-mails. 'Hilariously, he was furious,' she says. 'Though why he felt he had any right to be, I don't know. "

    hehe love that attitude - i caught my ex - bastard text flirting with my cousin ( first class byotch i know ) and he dared to be mad at me for going through his texts ! how double-faced and cruel is that ? i agree - no second chance for cheaters ! :cursing:
  14. :roflmfao: Priceless! LMAO
  15. On one hand I guess the article is positive for giving women ways of catching cheating supposes.

    *However* imagine the man that isn't cheating and finds out about the PI, I can't imagine how P.O'ed I'd be if that happened to me. Huge violation of trust if you really are just working late or whatever.

    I think it's a slippery slope, you know?