Wah! Intervention please! Quick!

#61
I am a little late to this and there was so much good advice already. However I'd like to add this for you.
Kou, I have been reading your posts for several weeks now and I feel that an Hermes bag, even a fuchsia exotic exactly to your specifications, is not going to make you happy.
My advice is you are feeling sad because there is something missing or in need of fixing in your life. Whatever that is, no one can find it for you. Only you can. Be kind to yourself and take the time to understand what it is. (I am not sure that a consulting job or an SO who doesn't ask you to move is the answer either, but only you know that.) Don't paint yourself into a corner by believing that you must score this bag or that job in order to be happy or feel successful. Success is a very subjective thing, it means many different things to many people. I think we can feel good about ourselves when we have a good and kind heart, bag or bagless, consultant or not.
If it is of any comfort to you, please know that you do not suffer alone. I would guess that every single one of us has something that we are unhappy about, big or small, it changes all the time. Of course, a little Hermes goodie here and there can help brighten things up temporarily, but in the end, our lives' problems cannot be solved with a purchase of any material thing, even Hermes.
It is not my intent to sound preachy here so if I do, I apologize. (I am actually not feeling that good myself, so everything I say here is also what I am struggling with too...)
So I hope that you will be truly happy inside one day, and believe me, then you might not even care whether your SA is nice to you or if your perfect bag would ever land on your doorsteps, but then it just might.
 
#62
So sorry you are going through a rough patch but Tamarind's post is dead on. Even if you were to get your dream bag right now how comfortable would you feel having it if your financial situation is not the best. Shopping is not the answer, I am certain you have an extensive wardrobe and bag collection and it does not make you content. I don't know how old you are going to be but it sounds like you are quite young. Give yourself some time, people don't always achieve personal success in the first decade of their career. Honestly I know this might sound silly but I think someone that is in your situation needs to get out and see what is going on around you. I would seriously recommend some type of charity work. Look outside yourself and how YOU are feeling, maybe start helping others with some charity work and your life might be a little more fulfilled until your dream job or dream bag come along. Please don't be offended by my post but I really think, and we all have "feeling sorry for ourselves day" you need to give time and of yourself to others or to organizations. You will be amazed how gratifying it is, good luck!!
Z
 
#63
Tamarind said:
I am a little late to this and there was so much good advice already. However I'd like to add this for you.
Kou, I have been reading your posts for several weeks now and I feel that an Hermes bag, even a fuchsia exotic exactly to your specifications, is not going to make you happy.
My advice is you are feeling sad because there is something missing or in need of fixing in your life. Whatever that is, no one can find it for you. Only you can. Be kind to yourself and take the time to understand what it is. (I am not sure that a consulting job or an SO who doesn't ask you to move is the answer either, but only you know that.) Don't paint yourself into a corner by believing that you must score this bag or that job in order to be happy or feel successful. Success is a very subjective thing, it means many different things to many people. I think we can feel good about ourselves when we have a good and kind heart, bag or bagless, consultant or not.
If it is of any comfort to you, please know that you do not suffer alone. I would guess that every single one of us has something that we are unhappy about, big or small, it changes all the time. Of course, a little Hermes goodie here and there can help brighten things up temporarily, but in the end, our lives' problems cannot be solved with a purchase of any material thing, even Hermes.
It is not my intent to sound preachy here so if I do, I apologize. (I am actually not feeling that good myself, so everything I say here is also what I am struggling with too...)
So I hope that you will be truly happy inside one day, and believe me, then you might not even care whether your SA is nice to you or if your perfect bag would ever land on your doorsteps, but then it just might.
Click to expand...


Beautifully and eloquently said. BRAVO!!!! Here's to all of us feeling good and worthy about ourselves as beautiful people regardless of age, career, weight number, bag or social status. :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo: :wlae: :wlae:
 
#64
the previous post are "Great" thoughts and something to think about.

I'd say..delay your trip to Hermes and not purchase the bag at this time.

If you cant find a job at any consulting firm or something similar...
why not look for a job that is fun, adventurous and NEW? Something, you might consider and like? Something that takes you anywhere and different..like being a Flight Attendant!

Unless, you have a fear of flying...Flight Attendant job is a great career change. I know, because I am one. My co-workers were lawyers, executive, teachers, police..even financial analyst! and they are having the best time!

Just think..a quick trip to Paris on your 4 days off with an airline pass will make your "Dream" Hermes come true!!

PS. The airline I work for is hiring! And I'm one of the interviewer!;)
 
#66
hi kou,

a bit late to the game here but i agree w/ all the previous posts. you're in a bad spot mentally right now. retail therapy is definitely not the answer. if you MUST spend some $$, then do so on something pampering - like either a facial, massage or mani/pedi. don't buy something just to have cuz later it might remind you of that moment when you were sad. besides buying stuff when you're depressed are just empty purchases.

i wish you luck in getting out of your rut. don't worry about the corporate bs. let the guys play their silly games. if you're trully unhappy there, then leave. you will have no problem finding a job elsewhere. trust me. you're bright, smart & successful. life is entirely too short to be depressed.

and please don't stress yourself too much over career advancement. you have enough $$$ to live and that's all that matters. not what car you drive nor the brand of your clothes or accessories.

so cheer up, kid? ok. or else you can try what always works for me: a very long walk around the neighboorhood, coffee w/ friends, renting a romatic comedy and last but not least, playing w/ my adorable puppy. take care.

p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU AND ROSE!!!
 
#67
Sorry, I'm late too. Kou, I hope you feel better soon. Everyone has given great advice and I only wanted to say hang in there. :flowers: I am sure you will find something you will love soon. *hugs* :flowers: :flowers:
 
#70
Feel better soon Kou. Take the wonderful advices the ladies here have given and really spend sometime with YOURSELF, do a little soul searching and maybe you'll find that you don't need the distraction that is the Quest for the Perfect bag and you'll still be happy.
Sometime when things in my life drag me down, I would say a little prayer and then really give thanks to all the things that's RIGHT in my life. You have your health, you're not living on the street, you still have people in your life that cares about you. Sometimes these things are ALL we need.
 
#71
You ladies are so wonderful!! I was gone for a day and returned to two more pages of support:love:. I'm still feeling pretty down, have been feeling this way for a while now so I'm really hoping that things look up soon

I just want to clarify a few things though. I DO do charity work on a regular basis, and I also give blood every 56 days. So in the department of giving, I'm definitely no Scrooge:yes:. I guess I'm just frustrated with everything right now. I'm getting older, all my peers are getting somewhere with life and making more money than I am. It also doesn't help that my parents are sorely disappointed in my lack of accomplishments (and quite frankly, I sympathized with them because I felt that they have completely WASTED their money in sending me off to Northwestern). My SO is all the way in Singapore with absolutely NO desire to come back to the U.S. (he can't without marrying me anyway, but anyway he just doesn't like America).

My job is going downhill because politics (everything was fine until this guy transferred over). The frustrating thing is I KNOW what I want in life and I can't seem to get there ... I've never thought of myself as career minded until the recent years when I realize how important it was for me to have a career. Because of all the doubts that had been casted upon me by family and family friends, it's the only way I can prove my worth. That, and I really do want to get into consulting (argh, why do I keep mistyping it as "consluting"?) ... I love to solve problems, travel, and learn new things. Consulting will cover all of that. The best part is that the skills I learn from consulting will also pretty much get me another consulting job anywhere in the world.

I'm a financial analyst right now but what I do right now is not necessarily going to get me a decent job in Singapore unless I have an MBA (but alas I don't have the money or time to get the degree - my SO is not going to wait another 3 years and I highly doubt either of us will be too hot about the idea of having major debt when we're married) ... Going into finance is my second choice right now and I really want to aim for consulting, I've tried to network but it's so hard to do that since everyone I come across are in the mortgage industry (at my local alum meetings) ...

Anyways, parents threw another fit today and I am going nuts. To make myself feel better, I went to the supermarket and bought this new line of skin care product to see if that can actually get rid of my acne and pore problems. Then next week I'm going to get my haircut, I don't know if it'll be any good since this will be a new haircut place I'm going to as the guy who normally does my hair is out of the country. I'm also going to go watch a movie by myself and have some fondue by myself. I would love to hang out with friends except all of my friends are out of state. At this point, I don't know if it's wise of me to still hold onto the hope that I may land a consulting job or get somewhere with it before my birthday. But if I am to stay positive, that's one way to do it. I am a bit scared of hoping for the best and staying positive though, since everytime I do that something goes horribly wrong:sweatdrop:

Sorry for the long response, I just want to explain and clarify some things. I swear I'm not an immature and selfish Scrooge who is always wallowing in my own problems and don't care for others. I'm just in a funk right now and I'm tired of being trapped in my quarter life crisis forever. I thank you all for your support, encouragement, advice, and kind words. I will take them all to heart and try to get out of this funk.

And if ANYONE (and I mean ANYONE AT ALL) has any connections or know anyone in consulting (ANYWHERE in the world) or a good financial analyst position in Singapore, please let me know.:flowers:
 
#73
kou, a life is like a house. if the foundation is shakey, it's going to fall at some point. the transfer within your company was not really a catalyst for your perceived defeat, but actually a realization that you are unhappy in a genuine way and need to do something about it. the SO leaving wasn't a bad thing either, for it showed you what your relationship is and now you don't like what you see. your family, they are just humans, just people. they can be wrong. you dont have to please flawed humans with trying to live up to perfection. (why do parents expect their children to be god?)

I am a bit scared of hoping for the best and staying positive though, since everytime I do that something goes horribly wrong
don't be scared. being positive involves no worry. don't worry. :wlae:

I swear I'm not an immature and selfish Scrooge who is always wallowing in my own problems and don't care for others.
why would anyone possibly think this? :confused1: you are afraid thats who you are but you aren't so ^^no worrying about it! :flowers:

ps try not speaking to your family for about a week. see if that helps. i bet you will feel 100 pounds lighter. trust me, i know!!!
 
#74
Kou- I wish I had a magic wand (or even some sage advice) but I don't. The only thing I can offer is empathy. Please know that you are not alone in feeling like your life doesn't work. I think many of us have been there, or are there, or are going to be there during our lives. While, like you, I have much to be thankful for, I've also had a terrifically challenging life (to give you some perspective my being unable to have children sadly isn't even near the top of the list). The lesson I'm still learning (and struggling with at times) is that the one (and often only) element I have some control over is how I react to what's happening. If I respond with an attitude of defeat then I'm no better than the circumstances that befall me. If I summon up courage and find the determination to turn even the worst negative into a postive then I will not only survive, but thrive. I'm not saying it's easy.

If you find yourself feeling down for a sustained period (say a few weeks on end) and you are turning it against yourself (negative self-talk) please consider that you might be depressed and give yourself permission to seek help. I'll admit I'm something of a therapy junkie (at the moment I'm in both group and individual therapy, am just finishing up couple's therapy with DH, and though not for mental but instead physical health, am now in 2x/s week physical therapy to regain range of motion in my broken left arm). I realize that this probably sounds like I'm a mess, but for me therapy has been a way to take a look at the hand I've been dealt, understand what aspects of it I'm responsible for and can change, and come to terms with those aspects over which I have no control (including my family which I love, but as Croissant has suggested, sometimes need a break from). It has also allowed me to explore my deepest wishes and needs so that I can map out a strategy for achieving my goals. I'm still very much a work in progress but at least I think I'm heading in the right direction. If you're feeling off kilter and don't see the path out please at least consider getting some counseling (including career counseling if you don't know which way to head).

If you find your path it will be all the more enjoyable to walk down with your perfect bag in tow.

TV
 
#75
Happy Birthday Kou --
I've been away for a while but had to respond, because I've been in your shoes. If you put your career/coworkers, parents/family, fiance/peers, shopping aside, what do you have left? Yourself, Kou. Find out what truly makes you happy. This means minus all the externals. It is easy to lose sight of this but you need to put your inner sense of well-being (vs. material/status/approval) at the top of your list.

You went on an interview. That says to me that you KNOW you have choices in your life, and you are making decisions on managing your destiny. Even if you do not get the job, remember it is the choices you make that EMPOWER you. It should liberate you despite the outcome, you know that you are controlling your own life - something I did not do enough of, at your age, and I spent too many years in resentment, and many more years not completely understanding myself.

Take it from someone who has been in your shoes -- next time you feel down, take away all the externals and the third parties, and you will be surprised at the real person you are looking at and how little it actually takes to be happy. I'm still on this path at age 40-something, it hasn't been easy but I know when conflicts starts to brew -- I time out to figure out, is it me, or is it the externals making me feel this way? Many times, you are really fine and it's just everything around you that sets the cycles of conflict in motion. Good Luck.
 
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