Ungrateful & Guilty.

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  1. Hey everyone,

    I'm debating whether I should bring this up to my SO or not. Please no rude or disrespectful comments, I appreciate constructive criticism but not blatant backlash. Here's what's on my mind.

    My birthday was yesterday. My SO knows, absolutely positively knows that I LOVE designer more than anything. Anything and everything designer I die for. I'm on a tight budget so I can't afford most of it, lol. I also happen to have a computer that's 3 years old but it's still functioning and does what I need it to. I may have mentioned to him once before that I was looking at a new tablet for school but nothing serious.
    So yesterday I open my present from him and it's a new laptop. I'm not very tech savvy and I use my laptop for basic stuff, I.e homework, Facebook, and emailing, but mostly for online browsing(shopping). Hehe.
    I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't disappointed, I know I sound incredibly ungrateful but I don't particularly care for technology or keeping up with the latest. He, however, was super excited about the laptop, all of its specs (he's a programmer so he's all about the technology), processor, touch screen capabilities, etc. I feel like this was more of a gift for him than me. He absolutely hates designer and refuses to believe its worth the money. I want to tell him he can have the computer (he currently only has a desktop) because he was more excited about it than I was.

    I know how horrible this sounds and is but I don't feel that I deserve this when I won't appreciate it as much as he will or wants me to.
    Should I say anything or just stay mum about it?

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  2. I think your bf could have been a lot more receptive to the type of things you like. Laptops are not cheap, so it's not like he couldn't have afforded to buy you a nice pair of Chanel earrings or something less expensive that would have been your style. I don't know how I would feel if my bf gave me a set of dumbbells for my bday, lol! I believe in giving constructive criticism where needed - at the very least, you should be able to be honest with your man and let him know how you feel. See what he says.
  3. Although it wasn't exactly what you wanted (I doubt you gave him a list), it is still a very generous and thoughtful gift. Yes, your current computer was functional, but being in the tech world he wanted you to have the best of the best. Even though he is your SO, I wouldn't say anything because I think it could hurt his feelings. He did something he thought was nice for you. If you feel the need to still say something, the most I would say is that you were thinking about maybe getting a tablet instead because it suits your lifestyle needs more. I would stay silent on the designer goods...maybe next year or for your anniversary just put it out there. If he is willing drop that much on a laptop, I don't see why he would refuse, especially if it will make you happy. Men do best when you actually tell them what you want. They aren't mind readers.

    Accept the gift with a smile. The man loves you and is only trying to take care of you and do his best :smile:
  4. I don't think you should say anything. Most men are not really fluent in designer gifts if you know what I mean. He probably bought you something that he knows a lot about and thought you could use and would like. I find that with my hubby unless I spell it out for him (I usually e-mail him a few suggestions when it is gift giving time...lol) I don't get what I want. And if he has the money to spend it might as well be something that you REALLY want. So say thanks and keep the laptop and when your next gift giving event comes up nicely find a way to make some suggestions. You have to make him think it's his idea. I have perfected this to an art form. :P
  5. I think you should stay quiet. A laptop, while not your preference, was something that he got you because it was in his comfort zone and something he felt comfortable buying. He deserves some credit for actually making the purchase himself and presenting it to you.

    For the next holiday that comes up -- be totally specific regarding what you want. Don't leave it to him to guess.
  6. I think you should tell him how you're feeling and why. You can do this without sounding harsh. I find that when people don't express these feelings, a lot of resentment can manifest over time. I think it's better to just get it off your chest and be direct :smile: My best friend is always bothered by various things her husband does and she never says anything. She always ends up becoming passive-aggressive and resentful towards him. Like you said, your SO doesn't see any value in designer items and that's probably why you got a laptop instead. Remind him that your present shouldn't be what he wants/values, it should be what you want and value-bottom line. He may not understand it but he should respect it :biggrin: Also keep in mind that you may not get what you want in the future(designer goods) unless you speak up.
  7. This... he may not understand it but he needs to respect it. And if he's so against designer goods, he could have done something else that most women would love... romantic dinner, bed and breakfast somewhere, roses, the works. But a laptop that he wanted? Come on. :lol: It's just as bad as the time Nick Lachey got Jessica Simpson chrome rims for her birthday.

  8. Ahahaha, this. 😂

    Thank you all for such constructive feedback, it's honestly helped so much.
    After reading through the responses this is what I've decided to do.

    I will keep the laptop but I will be bringing it up that I did feel as if he put my wants aside but perhaps I may not have been clear enough of what I wanted (although I doubt this).
    I know that I need to respect the fact that he just doesn't understand designer but I think that for once, even just on my birthday, he could put that aside.
    I certainly didn't expect him to spend anywhere near what he spent on my laptop towards a purse, yet he still refuses to spend half of that on what he knows I've actually been wanting.
    After putting my childish "I'm not using that damn thing" act to rest I found that the laptop is in fact super cool, but guess what the first website was that I went on? (hint; it was Neimans😂). As awesome as it is my heart is still set on other things, I just can't help it. 😩
    I'll be purchasing myself a purse from Neimans that I've been eyeing & feel that to an extent it will be a win-win (sometimes buying ourselves the exact birthday gift we've been wanting may be the best option).
    I'll just have to be extra clear next time about what I truly want, to save both of us time, money,& heartache, lol.

    Thanks again, everyone!