Ugh! My mom said the dumbest thing.

  1. As you may know, my little bro and his wife are expecting. Which is so exciting because it's the first grandchild! Anyway, I know there might be some roughness up ahead with people seeing my little bro having a baby first before me...but I'm trying to prepare myself for that.

    Anyhow, I went to lunch with my family (mom, dad, brother, SIL and my DH) and it's was the first time we all had lunch together since we all heard the news. I was actually looking forward to it. So we were talking about stuff then about how my brother had been really sick as a child and had these convulsions blah, blah, blah and then my mom blurts out, "thank God for my brother or we wouldn't have any grandkids!" :push:

    So I said, "Why would you say that?" And my dad turns to my mom disapprovingly and says the same thing and of course I feel the tears start to well up:crybaby:I'm trying to fight it because my mom says dumb stuff occasionally and I wanted to get past it and enjoy the time with my family but I just couldn't. I got my coat and left as they served me my lunch.. Dh quickly followed me. I took a minute in the car, thinking I could re compose but I couldn't and we drove home.

    My bro and SIL came over later with our lunches that we left. They said my Dad was furious at my mom trying to explain to her what she said was wrong and she said she didn't say whatever she said, that she had meant to say this but of course my brother and my SIL told her it didn't come out that way.. Ugh! You know before, my mom told me it didn't matter that Dh and I couldn't have kids, that they loved us know matter what. But from what she said today, it sure didn't sound like it.

    I know my mom says dumb stuff and has no filter on her mouth but I can't help it that it hurt me and p!ssed me off! :cursing: But I know she doesn't know any better but it still stinks...
  2. I'm sorry your mom said what she said. I'm sure she didn't mean it in the way it came out.:flowers: Your time will come. Never stop believing that! And when it happens, its going to mean SOOOOOOOOOOO much.:heart:
  3. I'm sorry too. Some people just don't understand what we are going through/have to go through. They should be a little more sensitive. Especially since you're trying and they know it. Big Hugs!!! I hope your day gets better.
  4. Oh msmelanie... I am so sorry she said that!! You didn't need to hear that at all. My dad says things like that, but he means it... he says, "What are you waiting for?" Or "Let's get the show on the road". We work together and whenever one of my co-workers bring their baby in, he says "Oh I can't wait to be a grand dad, can I just borrow yours for awhile." SOOO insensitive. My sister isn't having children and my other sister isn't married yet, so my dad always says to DH and I, "Hey, I'm not getting any younger and neither are you two."

    I shrugged if off most of the time or :rolleyes:. But if these things came from my mom, it would hurt alot more. :cry:
  5. {{{ Melanie }}}

    It sure hurt like hell. WTH was she thinking? I am as pissed as you're. Want to give me your mom's number so I can yell at her for you? My poor thing...

    Take it easy, hug your DH, have a glass of wine to relax, just do something fun to distract yourself. Hope you feel better soon.

  6. Thanks for your support everyone...Ugh.. My mom is not the best with words. I know that already but I just needed to vent out my frustration. Most occasions she says something dumb and doesn't realize it. And even after bringing it to her attention she still defends what she says is not wrong. ugh.. I'm trying to let it go.. I mean I'm actually proud of myself that I didn't yell at her in the restaurant.
  7. I am so sorry. Other people often have no idea how hurtful the things they say can be - even mothers who, out of everyone, ought to understand. I am so sorry she was thoughtless and hurtful.
  8. *Hug* I am so sorry that your mother said something so hurtful. I am sure she didn't mean it that way, and I think you handled yourself gracefully. I know it's hard, but try to just let it go. You don't need the stress.
  9. ((hugs)) i know how you feel.. its really hard.. i dont think any body can understand your feeling unless they have gone through infertility themselves.. so just keep in mind that your mom didnt really know that it will hurt you as much as it did..
  10. Completely understand my mom says things like that all the time, I just try to ignore her, over the years I have learned to tune her out as well. Just ignore her comment
  11. I completely know how you feel. We TTC for a very long time before we had our kids. My SIL and BIL had no problems at all. They had 3 kids with no pregnant on the first try every time. My MIL made a similar comment to myself and my husband and we were devastated. It was so painful thatI felt like I had been shot in the stomach. I never said anything to her, just went home and cried all night. After we had my son, she came over one day and was talking to me about how SHE had an extremely hard time getting pregnant and how her and my FIL needed medical intervention to have my BIL. I was shocked and told her everything that we had been through and brought up the comment she had made a year earlier. I asked her why she would ever make a comment like that considering what she had gone through herself. She looked at me completely dumbfounded and insisted that she never made such a comment. When my DH confirmed that she had indeed made the comment and that it had hurt us both immensely, she was shocked and so saddened that she began to cry. She apologized profusely and explained that that was not how she had meant it and would never say something like that. I am telling you this because sometimes people slip up and say stupid things without thinking. Your mom obviously did not think. She knows you are having a difficult time and would never want to increase your pain/stress. You have every right to be upset and I would have also left the lunch if I were in your position. Once you start to get over that rude and thoughtless comment, I think you should tell her that it was extremely painful for you. I wish you all the best. I know how difficult this time can be because I went through watching my SIL and BIL conceive 3 kids with no difficulty while we were going through hell to have one. It is a bittersweet kind of happiness and pain all mixed together.
  12. Thanks for all your empathy.. I guess it helps to know that I'm not the only one with a mom that says stuff like that. Ugh.. She always does dumb things like that. I'm not tough enough to let it blow over at that moment though. I've been removing myself from situations that have made DH and I uncomfortable, like kids parties, etc. It just stinks because I want to hang out with my family and you would think it would be a 'safe' environment for me.

    That's probably my biggest struggle, is what to say or how to deal with it when someone says something dumb. I'm so emotional, I can't recover right away. I have to walk away almost immediately
  13. I dont know you story but I am very sorry about what happened to you. Your time will come, as envyme had said, it will because you deserve it. Hugs to you.
  14. Oh sweetie....(((HUGS TO YOU)))) I know how tough it is. I was extremely emotional also and I couldn't stand all of the comments/questions. I used to lock myself in our bathroom and just sit on the floor and cry. I also couldn't deal with confronting the situation and dealing with it which is why I never said anything to my MIL until AFTER we had had my son. This is an emotional and difficult time for you and you need to deal with it however best suits you. If you need to walk away or remove yourself from the situation, do so. Think of yourself first. Take care. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
  15. Thanks so much. Its so nice to come here and vent. No one is supposed to know about my bro and SIL being preggers so it's nice that I can tell you guys...All I can tell my friends is that my mom made me angry and give no backstory because they don't want to say anything until a few more weeks.


    I'm normally not on the forum this much but I've been sick since Saturday with a nasty sinus infection. I have been out of work the last 3 days.. I went to the dr yesterday and they gave me a zpak..

    Anyway, so my bro's little baby is due to arrive around DH's bday in September.. Very cool right! Soo....I know I shouldn't be setting myself up for this but I haven't gotten my AF yet. Maybe I'm thrown off because of my Sinus Infection. I'm on day 34 and no AF. I have gone this late before though. And after 4 IUIs and 1 IVF that all failed over the past 3 1/2 years, odds are I'm still not prego...But as I'm lying here home from work, I checked a baby due date calculator and the due date would be my brother's birthday! LOL!

    I know it's a total long shot that we would get prego on our own but I just thought how cool that would be if we DID get prego on our own. I would just be so ecstatic because I've been bummed that the whole naturalness factor was taken away from me and that medical intervention was how we needed to conceive.

    But I'm soooo not going to get a pregnancy test just yet. I've spent too much money on those. I think you all KWIM. I have no PMS symptoms nor any pregnancy symptoms. It's probably the sinus infection throwing me off.. But you know, it was just nice to dream for a few minutes that I could be prego on my own, that I could surprise DH just like in those commercials..that would be soo sweet....ok back to reality now...There's always hope right?