Trend of justification developing in the forum

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  1. Note: I hesitated a long time before posting this. I am not playing forum police, this is just my personal observation. No harm intended.

    I've noticed lately a lot of ladies have been justifying every post they make. "I may carry a $1K bag, but I own my own home/drive a Lexus/send my daughter to piano lessons." There's no way to deny that there's an element of judgment attached to these threads, particularly when someone questions in a thread about Louis Vuitton whether or not the people that own LVs also own their own homes.

    And in other threads the topic of purses suddenly turns to who drives a luxury car, who can afford what and how how... and inevitably the conclusion is that the poster is a very lucky stay at home mom whose "dear hubby" pays for her handbag habit but not worry her child is also going to private school... nothing wrong with that, I hope to be in the same position someday, but is it necessary to declare that more than once?

    Frankly, this forum is about handbags. If you want to preach about savings accounts, Roth IRAs, or mortgages, there are forums for that.

    It seems so catty to give unnecessary advice or to question how people can afford to "shop like celebrities" (rough paraphrase or another post).

    Sorry, I don't mean to offend anybody. I just can't help but notice this trend, and I would hate to see the forum dissolve into nothing into justifications for why we have the things we have, why we do the things we do, etc.
  2. i agree to a certain extent. i think it's natural to want people to think that you've got it all together, but it's really not necessary.

    i think it's cool to share info that we have about financial stuff, though, it's nice to get opinions and perspectives from others.
  3. I bought my paddy as a grad gift to myself :biggrin: and I bought the other paddy first one was lonely? :smile:

    I can see what you're saying though.
  4. yeah it can get annoying.

    i have co workers who can't comprehend spending on a 1K handbag.

    i have to justify it by saying, well look i don't have a mortgage, a baby, bills, etc.

    they look at me and say, "well do it while you're young and get it out of your system."

    my boyfriend posts on a hockey forum and it's super strict. you can only discuss the rangers and you can't discuss anything else.

    moderation is the key to everything.
  5. Well put Fayden, and I completely agree. It seems silly to an extent that people feel the need to justify spending $$$ on handbags when this is a handbag forum, and many members come from different socioeconomic backgrounds. I think the diversity of the forum is wonderful, and I don't think we consciously try to make people feel bad if they can't afford a bag that is over $1k.

    I think the point here is to discuss the obsession and to admire. I know that I have nice bags, but I spend most of the time "admiring" what other people have because it's fun. It's also easy to get caught up in the excitement when a new "It" bag comes out, and when other people get new bags - like living vicariously through others even if you can't directly experience it yourself.
  6. I don't think anybody's trying to deliberately make anyone else feel bad if they can't afford a bag that is over $1K. I think there is some either conscious or subconscious attempt to ask people to justify exactly how they can afford a bag that's over $1K. I see a lot of threads dissolving into why it's "okay" for a poster to have a bag over $1K and they question why others it is or isn't acceptable for them as well.

    Frankly, I don't feel like I should have to stipulate every "I did buy this bag" with a justifcation of "but I also have money put aside for this year's contribution to a Roth IRA." Let's just enjoy the bags!
  7. i do agree with this - it's fine to talk about IRAs and mortages because it's nice to be able to share info, but i'm not focused on saving right now because i'm young and relatively responsibility-free, but i don't feel bad about it. like carrie from SATC said, i like my money where i can see it: hanging in my closet (or in the crook of my elbow, in my case :love: )
  8. I think for a lot of women, we're conditioned to believe that everyone else comes first, and so we sometimes can feel like we don't deserve to have what we want (even when we can afford it). I know in my own head, I often find myself mentally justifying any purchases that I don't actually need.
  9. I actually tend to skip the threads on non-handbag related stuff because I really come here to talk, read, learn, admire those lovelies...
  10. I do too! I like this forum for the diversity of the people and the love of bags people share. From here, I have learned so much about different brands I didn't know of before and different sites I can purchase them from.
  11. I agree with you - and, I think it is great that you would make a thread about this topic.
  12. I know I sometimes justify my purchases by stating that I have savings blah blah blah. I'm not even a big big big shopper, but I do feel the need to justify it. It's all about guilt for me, and the feeling that I should be saving MORE.. So yes, I'm guilty of this!! Sorry :shame:

    I'll try to keep it to my diary from now on :P

    By the way, I just bought a pair of Prada sunglasses like 10 mins ago! I love them :love: NO guilt what so ever! :lol: (at least not that I'm going to admit to here :P )
  13. I agree to a certain extent. If the thread is on a general discussion board and it's about finances, then it's ok to talk finances. We've had a few threads asking about how we economize or pool finances. But a thread involving a bag should be about the bag. I will try to be more aware of what I say as I tend to ramble...
  14. Hmmm interesting! I'm still a little unclear about what the "trend of justification" means, sorry! I do agree that the threads often do dissolve-(great way to put it Intlset) into a a series of rapid fire explicit/tacit judgments re money and finances. One recent thread sticks out in my mind particularly, hopefully we all can appreciate that people have various different values/ideas re money and finances. I learned a long time ago to stay out of other people's wallets!!
  15. I don't know who you are referring to. I guess it could easily be me, although my DD doesn't go to a private school and I've never said my DH pays for my handbag habit and I think I've only mentioned once what I drive in the appropriate thread.
    But I immediately think that someone has caused this person to feel theneed to justify things. Someone has probably made comments to her causing her to be explanantory or defensive{?}
    IMO, this is better suited for a PM to this person as threads like this can cause some paranoia and dissention.

    I guess that's up to Megs and Vlad and since they haven't requested they we ONLY talk about handbgas, I suppose they don't mind.
    I like a "natural" flow of conversation personally. I think it would be too over moderated if we could only talk about handbags and nothing else.
    I think people would tire of that conversation sooner and there would be less movement and overall involvement on this board.
    But for people to "preach"? That's a little over the top IMO and that person would probably deserve a PM.

    This is SO, VERY true IMO, couldn't agree w/ you more. No need to judge people here, we all clearly have some things in common!

    You're not offensive, but this thread wouldn't even be permitted if we were only allowed to speak of handbags!;)
    I don't see a trend personally, thank goodness!