Torn between 2 loves - my boy or my sister?

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  1. I don't now what to do. I live in Australia and my sister lives in the USA.

    She is due to have her first baby in November. My mum and I are planning to visit her in Feb 2010 (yes I like to worry a long way in advance!).

    My boy will be 3 in March 2010 so he will be nearly 3 and my daughter will be 4.5 when we plan to travel. The problem is my husband doesn't want to come to the US. He says the kids are to young to go so far.

    SO because he is being really stubborn about all this I think I will go on my own for as short as possible time. I am thinking 5 days - one day flying each way and 3 days with sister and baby.

    BUT, (and here is the crux of the problem) my little boy is very attached to me. He is not interested in being comforted by my husband or anyone else for that matter. I know he will change alot in the next 9 or so months and I am hoping he will start daycare 1 day a week soon.

    What should I do about my boy? I thought about just taking him and leaving my daughter but I don't want to do that. I don't think that is fair.

    Has anyone else had to make this kind of choice?

    PLUS, another variable, my sister looks like she will be coming to Australia in July 2010 for a graduation ceremony.
     
  2. Will bringing your kids against your DH's wishes cause marital strife or will he just be annoyed? My DH can be difficult like that at times, especially as it pertains to our children and what he does and does not want to do. I would leave them home and make the trip. If DS starting daycare soon, you might be pleasantly surprised. It may ease the attachment (not that you want it to go away...he's still a lil guy!) And if not, he'll still be in good hands with daddy! Also, I think bringing one child and not the other will just open a big 'ole can of worms!

    Good luck with whatever decision you make!
     
  3. i'm just wondering, is your DH's opposition to the trip because he doesn't want to go on the trip, or does he really think the kids are too young to go (i'm just asking cuz of your wording, sounds like maybe he also doesn't want to go either)? If it's that he doesn't want the kids to go, do you know exactly is he worried about/opposed to? Is it the length of the plane ride? The length of the proposed trip (your kids being away from home for so long)? Or is it that he thinks the trip would be unsafe for the kids? (I know many people are afraid of traveling to the US especially with kids because they have this really negative idea of it from the media -crime, poverty etc). I guess knowing more of the underlying reason why he is so opposed to the trip might help you guys to figure this out and hopefully come to a compromise or agreement of some sort. at least you have a few months or so to discuss it..
     
  4. I would say go ahead and take the trip. I would explain it to your son so he knows what is coming. children often prefer one parent over another when both are around. However, he will be fine getting comfort from your hubby in your absence.
     
  5. #5 Jul 13, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2009
    I am glad I got some responses - there were a lot of views and no posts for awhile! I really need help!

    Rockst@r - thank you for your kind words. I think hubby is just being difficult - its sounds like you know what that is like!

    Sweetneet - yes I think the real point of objection is that he is not interested in the USA. He would like to take the kids to Disneyland at some point but when they are older and will remember. As too why I can't take the kids and him stay - well I think he sees no point in them going and so the costs probably seem like a waste to him. He has loving relationships with his family but that does not translate to many phone calls or visits.

    Iamsmilin - wish I was smiling too. I wonder how this has all even happened. We both had careers but when we had the kids I stayed at home with them (which I love and am grateful to be able to do because of hubby's very good job) but I think hubby has really decided he is the man of the house now. I think your summary is probably what is going to happen. I hadn't really even thought of that. I just thought of it very negatively - probably worst case scenario DS confused and distraught, emotionally scarred etc..

    I think kids grow up a lot between 2 and 3 and DS will have a better vocab (and hopefully some daycare time under his belt) by the time I go. As you say, maybe it will be a positive bonding experience for DS and DH.
     
  6. Maybe you could wait to see her when she visits in July. Will she be brining her baby ? A few more months won't really matter and may make things easier for you too !
     

  7. She now tells me they are going to postpone until December - even though I suggested IMO (perhaps, partly, because I was thinking along the same lines as you :graucho:) that 7-8 months would be almost the perfect age to travel with a baby.