1. Anyone remember that show? I thought it was hilarious! It was based on the life of comedian Christopher Titus and it dealt with what it was like growing up with an alcoholic / womanizing father (who has been married five times) and a mother that has been in and out of asylums (who eventually committed suicide).

    I love all the characters. I love how Dave just 'doesn't get it' most of the time. I love how Tommy’s supposed to be the ‘normal’ one, but the show proves that there is no such thing as normal! Tommy is just as dysfunctional (if not more so) as everyone else!

    Titus’s father really pushed him or ‘rode his ass’ as Titus put it, because he was, in fact, a loving father and he wanted Titus to succeed. It was such a great show, a ‘serious’ comedy, and I was so upset when it was cancelled!
  2. Titus: The Los Angeles Times states that 63% of American families are now considered dysfunctional. That means were the majority. We're normal. It's the people that have the mom, dad, brother, sister, little white picket fence. Those people are the freaks. Normal people terrify me. Because they haven't had enough problems in their life to know how to handle problems when they come up. Somethin' little happens, they just snap.

    Titus: What do you mean, "Dad is dead?"
    Dave: I..think..Dad is dead.
    Titus: Not a lot of gray area here, Dave. Dead, not dead. Is there a pulse?
    Dave: I don't know.
    Titus: I have taken half a day off work. There better be a corpse!

    Titus: My father never missed a drink, or a joint, or a party, or a chance to get laid in his life. But he also never missed a day of work, or a house payment, or a car payment.

    Titus: By the time I was five, I was a double agent. I had to be. My dad's been divorced five times. And I swore I would never be like my dad. Or my mom. Or my mom. Or my mom. Or my mom. Or.. my mom.

    Cop: Mr. Titus, you're sure this is your VCR?
    Ken: Damn straight!
    Cop: We found half an ounce of marijuana in it.
    Dave: Yeah, that's his piece of crap VCR. But the pot is mine!

    Titus: (opening narration) My mom's a manic-depressive schizophrenic. She's been in and out of mental institutions my whole life. It's comforting to know that when I was in kindergarten gluing macaroni to paper plates, my mom was in therapy gluing macaroni to paper plates

    Titus: All right, I love my mom. Without her, I don't exist. Without her, I wouldn't be able to protect myself. Without her, in four states it'd still be legal to kill a man with a cappuccino machine. She touched a lot of lives.

    Titus: Do you know the first thought I had when I heard she'd killed herself?
    Christopher and Ken in chorus: Did she take anyone with her?
    Titus: Bingo.
    Ken: Amen.
  3. Titus: I can handle Mom. When other kids were wasting their time learning math, I was memorizing the National Association of Mental Health's criteria for commitment of a family member. Somethin' I could use. Pfft, math. Who needs it? I spent my time in school memorizing things I could use. Like The California State Mental Health Code Requirement For The Declaration Of Commitment Of A Loved One, which is as follows: 1. Causing harm to others.
    [shows Juanita hitting Ken in the head with a frying pan]
    2. Causing harm to self.
    [shows Juanita shaving a large chunk of her hair off]
    3. Threatening to kill yourself or someone else.
    [shows Ken being chased down the freeway.]

    Titus: For 15 years, I have chosen not to drink. Because I'm not good at it. I know it. Erin knows it. The fire department that had to put me out knows it.

    Officer: We found this guy outside hiding in a bush.
    Dave: Tell me they didn't find my secret stash of weed!
    Titus: Dave!
    Dave: I mean, my secret stash of... Pot.

    Dave: Titus stole a federal mailbox.
    Titus: I was drunk . . . and it was giving me attitude.

    Titus: Excuse me, Christopher Titus, my brother's been arrested.
    Officer: Who's your brother?
    Titus: You must be new here.

    Titus: Women have a post-breakup, "I'm gonna eat cookies and cry period." I have the three minute "I didn't need you anyways, so I'm gonna sleep with someone who looks just like you just to prove you didn't hurt me" period.

    Ken: Looney Tunes is making dinner? I'm surprised! Usually the turkey says such threatening things to her, she can't get close enough to cook it.

    Titus: She has always been beautiful and sexy, sweet and loving, talented and brilliant. But every time that rollarcoaster went up it came down. Then it rattled a bit, Then careened wildly into the next corner on two wheels Finally derailed, crushing Dad and I beneath it.

    Erin: Papa Titus, I know that the love that you feel . . .
    Ken: All right! All right! I'll drop the charges! But no hugging! Release the idiots!

    Titus: I tried keeping a diary once. It ended up a performance piece at one of Dad's poker games.
    Ken: "I don't know if she'll ever notice me, but just knowing she's in the world makes the world a better world to live in. - My Secret Diary by Christopher W. Titus." The W, gentlemen, stands for Wussy! . . . Once you get laid, you'll stop writing this crap.

    Ken:Since you're in a forgiving mood, maybe you can forgive Tommy for having those naked dreams about you.
    Tommy: Dream! Not dreams! Dream!

    Tommy: And the nudity, it wasn't gratuitious it was integral to the plot of the dream.
    Titus: There was plot?
    Tommy: You were a pirate!

    Titus: Every woman that has fallen in love with my dad ends up trying to kill him!
    Erin: What's funny about that?
    Titus: Laughter, absolute terror, fine line.

    Ken: You're being too hard on yourself, Son.
    Titus: "Son?"
    Tommy: "Too hard on yourself?"
    Dave: "Being?"

    Newscaster: And, remember, on the sobriety test, you're supposed to touch your OWN nose.

    Ken: Shut up! I'm talking to my moron!
    Titus: "Moron?"
    Tommy: "Shut up?"
    Dave: "I'm?"
  4. Juanita (on answering machine): Hello, Kenny. It's 'nita. I've never stopped loving you. Call me, let's work it out . . . Listen, you son of a *****! I know you have a contract out on me, well I got one out on you, too! And another thing . . . Me again, sorry. I guess the machine cut me off. YOU'RE A DEAD MAN! YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE THAT HOUSE IN A BODY BAG!
    Young Titus: My daddy calls it People's Exhibit A.

    Ken: Talk about your high school graduation.
    Titus: She showed up wearing white vinyl gogo boots and an army jacket.
    Juanita: It was the style!
    Ken: Not without pants or underwear, it wasn't!
  5. I was watching my DVD collection (I always thought Dave was hilarious, but when I was watching the DVDs, I'm looking at Dave going, "He's really hot.")

    My favorite episodes are

    Concerned that his father is no longer drinking, Titus stages an intervention to encourage him to take a drink so that all of their lives can go back to normal.
    I love the secrets revealed throughout the episode.

    Tommy's Girlfriend
    After crashing into his ex-girlfriend's car, Tommy finally has the chance after 10 years to bring their relationship to a close.
    I love how it switches from Tommy being the creepy stalker to the victim when it's revealed that she never made it clear to him the relationship was over.

    The Gift Of The Car Guy
    Titus sells Erin's car so he can buy a drag racing car. When Erin's left with no mode of transportation, Titus notices she's uncomfortable telling him the places she has to go. Turns out, Erin has been hiding a secret moonlighting job of her own.
    I love how awkward it was and how uncomfortable they were when Tommy and later Ken caught Erin doing what she was doing. And then when Tommy caught Ken doing what he was doing was funny. And then when Tommy caught Dave was just hilarious!

    Tommy's Not Gay
    Titus is determined to mend fences after Tommy rejects his father, who's just revealed he was gay.
    This sounds cheesy, but it's about tolerance. It's not okay for people to be racist, but there wasn't much mention of people being homophobic. Until this episode. (And Dave kissing Tommy was just hilarious!)

    The Session
    At Erin's insistence, the Tituses go into group therapy. Not surprisingly, things don't go quite as planned.
    It's revealed in this episode that Dave has a fear of Hummell figurines. Enough said.