This is so "high school" of me that I hate to admit it, but....

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Crystalina

Crystalina

O.G.
Mar 22, 2007
2,193
20
#1
I'm thirty-something and comparing myself to my former classmates....and it's a bitter pill to swallow!
My 15 year high school class reunion took place and I've heard thru the grapevine that half the girls I went to school with (it was a Catholic, all girls, prestigious academy) are mostly doctors, lawyers, dentists, genetic counselors and professors married to men in the same professions, living in huge mansions outside of Kansas City! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't live in the USA anymore so I couldn't go...and maybe that's a good thing.
I know my grandpa used say that comparing yourself to others is a waste of who you really are.
But my life hasn't turned out like a bed of roses and I'm feeling....well, jealous and like my life just doesn't measure up! I hate admitting that, but it's true.
Anyone else ever feel this way?
 
#2
It's natural to feel that way, and I wouldn't get too down on yourself for feeling jealous. Remember to live your own life though! It may be natural to feel jealous, but it certainly isn't productive. I hope you feel better.
 
#4
THe question shouldn't be if your life compares on paper to the others, but if you are HAPPY. You sound here like you are unhappy, but that could just be because you are thinking about the comparison. In the end, it matters a whole lot more if you are happy and satisfied with your life and experiences than if you have the status-proving home, job and spouse.

By a 20 year reunion, half of these people will be divorced (statistically). They will have learned that looking better than others doesn't get you very far if you are not happy.

So maybe you can use this as an opportunity to decide if you are happy about what you have done with your life. If you are, then please don't worry about what others think, because it doesn't matter to your everyday life. If you are not, then maybe you can use this to decide what you can do to make your life as happy as it can be.
 
#5
I know what you mean. I have had the odd pang of jealousy here and there but as long as you are happy with you and your life, dont worry about those other people. So many things get in the way of goals and dreams. I certainly wasnt lucky enough to do what i wanted to do when i was younger. But I am really happy with my life as it is now and i have a beautiful daughter and husband and we have other plans for the future now. So although these people have their careers all mapped out and sorted, i am beginning a new adventure and feel really content and happy.

Dont worry about these people from your past babe! they are just that - the past! xx
 
#6
As much as I no longer compare myself to people I went to school with, I am in the Military and have to compete for promotion etc so I can't help but compare myself to others.
 
#7
I know what you mean. Sometimes its hard to not to compare yourself with others! Your highschool sounds a lot like mine. I went to a University of California (a decent one, at that!) but the majority of students went to ivy league schools. That did make me feel bad for a while! But in the end, we should celebrate one another's successes.
 
#8
I can imagine. I spent a lot of my time at school being jealous of others but now I realise the jealousy was disproportionate. Some people use jealousy and competitiveness as a way to drive themselves, and they tend to drag others into it too. I don't miss it!
 
#9
Crystalina,
Your feelings are completely normal. And yeah, I have felt that way myself. Please don't beat yourself up about it.
I too am thirty-something. I went to a prestigious prep school. My classmates were all kids of the rich and famous. Today many of them have grown up to be rich and famous themselves. Heck, I regularly see newspaper and magazine articles about some of these chicks. I used to get sooooo jealous.
At the core of my envy was this nagging voice telling me that I had not lived up to my potential. I had made a ton of mistakes along the way and my life was kind of at a stand-still.

Here is what I can tell you:

I went back to college and graduated last year at the age of 36. I had flunked out at age 20. My GPA for my senior year was 3.98.

I will be 38 when I get married. I am engaged to a wonderful man. It took a long time but I finally found him. And he was soooo worth the wait. I used to be so jealous about everyone getting married but me. Today, most of my friends are in rocky marriages or divorced.

I will probably be 40 when I have my first child. Most of my frinds already have kids and I envied them for their "perfect life." They are now mostly single moms.

I will be 39 when I get my JD. Yup, I graduated from college last year, 19 years after I started. I just completed my first year of law school.

Sorry to ramble and I don't mean to thread-jack. My point is this:
Your life, your happiness is yours for the taking. What do you want? I found that when I focussed on others it was because I was too afraid to focus on myself. I had made so many mistakes I was afraid to fall on my face one more time.

I'm sorry you are feeling down but I hope you will realize that you can do anything you want with your life. Keep your chin up. We all have been there. :heart:
 
#10
HauteMama said:
THe question shouldn't be if your life compares on paper to the others, but if you are HAPPY. You sound here like you are unhappy, but that could just be because you are thinking about the comparison. In the end, it matters a whole lot more if you are happy and satisfied with your life and experiences than if you have the status-proving home, job and spouse.

By a 20 year reunion, half of these people will be divorced (statistically). They will have learned that looking better than others doesn't get you very far if you are not happy.

So maybe you can use this as an opportunity to decide if you are happy about what you have done with your life. If you are, then please don't worry about what others think, because it doesn't matter to your everyday life. If you are not, then maybe you can use this to decide what you can do to make your life as happy as it can be.
Click to expand...
Well put!^^^
Materialism, degrees, and all the outward flashy stuff isn't true happiness. Only you can determine your state of mind and what you choose to define as accomplishments and true inner peace and happiness.
When it truely comes down to it, for some reason the more you have the more you seem to want. Many of these people you describe are never truely satisfied and seem to want more and more possessions, money etc.
It must fill a void for them. So sad....and you are not shallow...just human. We all get those thoughts from time to time.
Count your blessing and don't look back...only forward.
You have nothing to prove to anyone, only yourself.
 
#11
High School reunions are overrated. I've been out over 20 years and have not gone to one.

Don't allow that to determine your worth. A lot of people who go to those things are full of it anyway. Watch "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion" and you'll get all the info you need to know from that!
 
#12
Yes, jealousy is natural. You know what though, you should be proud of you achievements. All you know about these ppl is that they MAY be doctors or lawyers, but you know what??? That doesn't mean they are HAPPY. If you are happy, then who cares what you do for a living. Comparing ourselves to others is such a waste. There is always going to be someone who you want to compete with, but you know what? You just have to be happy with who you are. And not obsess over who you are not.
 
#14
Roo said:
High School reunions are overrated. I've been out over 20 years and have not gone to one.

Don't allow that to determine your worth. A lot of people who go to those things are full of it anyway. Watch "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion" and you'll get all the info you need to know from that!
Click to expand...

Haha!!! That is sooo true!!! That is exactly what I was thinking of when I read this thread....people always try to "talk themselves up" it's like that guy who says he's a "sanitary manager" but he's a janitor.(not that there is anything wrong w/ being a janitor...it's an honest living.) But yeah, half the time ppl are full of it anyway. :roflmfao:
 
#15
Why would you feel bad? You can't measure a person's value or contribution to society just by looking at what they do and how much money they make.

The problem being of course that some people DO have a very high opinion of themselves, and think that everyone who isn't like them is a loser - but who cares?
 
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