The Simpsons

  1. It's amazing how long this show has lasted! I remember when it was just animated shorts on The Tracy Ullman show.

    I watch an episode or a clip on Youtube and I forget just how funny this show is! I look forward to the Halloween specials every year.

    One thing I love about the show is the music. I can watch an episode and sing along with the songs. I'll catch myself absentmindedly humming them. I own Songs in the Key of Springfield and Go Simpsonic with the Simpsons.

    I remember showing three clips of the show to my English class in high school: the one where Lisa reads The Raven, the one where Lisa stole another student's diorama and hides it under the floorboards and the one where Homer sells his soul for a donut.

    I remember watching clips of The Simpsons once when we were in France and once when we were Spain.

    I remember my parents driving through Provence in our rental car and my brother and I would be in the backseat listening to The Simpsons Sing the Blues.

    Once, we were in London and I got a Bart Simpson doll. In an art museum, we were gently tossing it back and forth. A guard good-naturedly said to us, "No Bart Simpsons allowed in the museum."

    I love how they all have evolved into complex characters. Bart's no longer the skateboarding brat with the limited repitoire of catch phrases. Lisa went from being the bookish saxaphone player to being a vegetarian Buddhist. There's more to Homer than just the slow-witted man prone to fly off the handle. He's shown himself to be a loving father who doesn't always make the best decisions.

    Selma's a lesbian, Maude Flanders died. Apu is married with octuplets.

    Although, it's the damndest thing, we STILL don't know where Springfield is located!

    There isn't really an episode I hate, there are just some I particularly love:

    • Stark Raving Dad: Homer is mistakenly sent to a mental instiution where he meets a patient who thinks he's Michael Jackson.
    • Radio Bart: Bart gets a Superstar Celebrity microphone for his birthday, and uses it to play pranks on everybody.
    • Black Widower: Selma marries Sideshow Bob and Bart suspects he wants to kill her.
    • Kamp Krusty: Bart and Lisa go to Kamp Krusty, and it's nothing like they expected.
    • A Streetcar Named Marge: Marge gets the lead in Springfield's production of the musical version of A Streetcar Named Desire.

    It's not that I don't like these episodes, I didn't like the way Bart acted in two episodes. Bart did seem particularly cruel / selfish / bratty in Bart vs. Thanksgiving and My Sister, My Sitter, and that's the only times I feel he should have been slapped.
  2. I remember the Who Shot Mr. Burns? event. I remember half jokingly telling my brother the culprit could be Maggie. Imagine my surprise and delight to discover that I was right!

    Unforgettable Episodes (cont'd)
    • Homer the Heretic: Homer decides he doesn't want to go to church anymore.
    • Lisa the Beauty Queen: Lisa competes for the title of Little Miss Springfield.
    • Marge vs. the Monorail: The people of Springfield are duped into spending $3 million on a useless monorail.
    • Selma's Choice: Selma takes Bart and Lisa to Duff Gardens.
    • Cape Feare: The Simpsons join the Witness Protection Program and become the Thompsons when they learn that Sideshow Bob is after Bart.
    • Secrets of a Successful Marriage: Homer teaches an adult education class on how to have a successful marriage and ends up revealing secrets about Marge.
    • Bart of Darkness: The Simpsons get a pool and Lisa is suddenly popular. Bart breaks his leg and spends the summer spying on the neighbors.
    • Fear of Flying: Marge freaks out on an airplane and consults a therapist to get to the root of her fear.
    • Homer the Great: Homer joins the Stonecutters: a secret men's society. He starts at the bottom of the totum pole but rockets to the top, when it discovered he is the Chosen One.
    • Bart vs. Australia: The Simpson family go to Australia, where Bart has to apologize for making a $900 collect call.
    • Home Sweet Home-Dum-Diddily-Doodily: After a misunderstanding, Child Protective Services send the Simpson children to the Flanders house.
    • Lisa the Vegetarian: After a visit to a petting zoo, Lisa decides she does not want to eat meat anymore.
    • Scenes From A Class Struggle in Springfield: Marge finds a Chanel suit at an outlet mall. While wearin it, she runs into an old classmate who invites her and the family to the country club. Marge gets caught up in the elite lifestyle, much to the discomfort of her family.
    • Bart After Dark: Bart makes mischief at a 'haunted' house, and as punishment, has to do chores to work off the damage he caused. It is discovered that the haunted house is in reality a burlesque house.
    • Hurricane Neddy: A hurricane rips through Springfield, leaving the Simpson house intact, but demolishing the Flanders house.
    • The Springfield Files: After a drunken Friday night at Moe's, Homer stumbled home. On the way, he saw an alien in the woods. He tried to report it but nobody believed him. Agents Mulder and Scully were called to investigate.
  3. oh, i LOVE the simpsons. i've got all the seasons that have been released to dvd- they're jsut about the ONLY thing that can always cheer me up!

    my favorite is 'homer the heretic'. don't know why, but i could watch this one on repeat all the time.

    and i can't remember the name of the episode, but the one where homer gives up his duff beer blimp ride so lisa can do the beauty pageant. i remember watching that one with my daddy and him saying homer was a good dad. (eta: wait, was that 'lisa the beauty queen'?)

    'lisas first word' makes me go awwww.

    oh, i totally remember the 'who shot mr burns' stuff! all my friends i can got together and watched it! i grew up with this show, so i have SO many good memories of watching it with my brother.

    ...oh man, i gotta go watch some dvd's! good times.
  4. Unforgettable Episodes (cont'd)
    • Homer's Phobia: After learning the antique shop owner, John, is gay Homer is determined to prevent Bart from 'catching it.' He eventually accepts John for who he is.
    • Brother From Another Series: Sideshow Bob's brother, Cecil, gives him a job at his construction company. Even though Bob was released, Bart still suspects something, so he and Lisa investigate.
    • Homer vs. the 18th Amendment: After a particularly drunken St. Patrick's Day celebration, Bart is caught on camera while intoxicated. The town starts pushing for prohibition, but it is discovered that there is already an old law that prohibits drinking, under punishment of catapult.
    • The Joy of Sect: Homer gets a brochure from a religious group at the airport and being highly gullible, he goes to their retreat. Because of Homer's intelligence quotient they have more trouble brainwashing him than the rest of Springfield most of who are all sucked into joining this cult. When they finally succeed with Homer, he signs over the family house to the Leader.
    • Simpsons Bible Stories: During a particularly long, drawn-out sermon, the Simpsons fall asleep and have biblical dreams.
    • Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo: Snake cyber-robs Homer of his life savings. He and Marge had been saving up for a vacation. Homer goes to rob Flanders and instead Flanders tells him about living thrifty. Homer steals Flanders' ticket to the "Mega Savings Seminar". The trick is to be cheap. The Simpson family goes to the airport and attempts to get mega-saver airline tickets. They end up getting tickets to Japan.
    • Behind the Laughter: A la VH-1's Behind the Music, a behind the scenes look is taken at the Simpson family's rise to fame, their successful years together and then their feud which resulted in a breakup and solo careers for the family members.
    • HOMR: After going bankrupt, Homer sells his body to science. During a head x-ray, a crayon is discovered lodged in his brain. This explains why he is such a moron. He thinks it is because he shoved crayons up his nose as a child. When the doctors remove the crayon, he gets smarter. This allows him to bond with Lisa. In fact Homer proves to be even smarter than she is.
  5. There are a few Springfields... the Simpsons never specified which Springfield but Lisa mentioned once that if you watch the show enough there are alot of hints which Springfield it is.
    I'm not American so I'm not familiar with the geography.
  6. ^i keep meaning to keep a tally of which states it CAN'T be (by what states they mention), but i always forget.
  7. Unforgettable Episodes (cont'd)

    • The Parent Rap: After being caught for joyriding in Chief Wiggum's cruiser, the judge faults Homer's negligence and sentences Bart and Homer to be tethered together.
    • The Blunder Years: While being hypnotized Homer remembers a traumatic event from his childood.
    • Tales From the Public Domain: Homer recieves a letter from the library about an overdue book. He checked it out when Bart was born to have something to read his child. Lisa suggests that he read them some stories from it now.
    • Large Marge: Thinking Homer has lost interest in her, Marge goes to a plastic surgeon for liposuction. Instead, she gets breast implants.
    • Strong Arms of the Ma: After being mugged, Marge is afraid to leave the house. While in the basement, Marge finds a weight set and starts working out.
    • The Regina Monologues: The Simpsons go to London. Homer slams his rental Mini into the back of the Queen's horse drawn carriage. Homer is put on trial, makes an ass out of himself in court and is thrown into the Tower of London.
    • Margical History Tour: Marge, the kids and Milhouse go to the library where they find there are no longer any books on the shelves. With no books for reference, the kid's reports are in danger of not being able to write their reports. Fortunately, Marge knows some history and tells them stories about e Henry VIII, Lewis and Clark and Mozart.
    • Midnight Rx: Mr. Burns cancells the employees' perscription drug program. Grampa and Homer go to Canada to get cheap perscription drugs to bring back to Springfield.
    • Goo Goo Gai Pan: Selma wants to go to China to adopt a baby. Only to qualify, Selma needs a husband who must go with her to China to collect their child. She fills out the form with the name: Homer Simpson. Selma flies the Simpson family to China. At Marge's request, Homer goes along with the charade.
    • The Monkey Suit: Flanders sees an exhibit of evolution and another that mocks creationism at a museum, becomes offended and raises an alarm. Reverend Lovejoy gets Skinner to have creationism taught in school. Lisa is the only one who holds onto the scientific theory.
  8. my bf and I like watching Simpsons alot.
    very funny!
  9. (At Santa training class, Homer tries to recall all the names of Santa’s reindeer.)
    Homer: Um, Dasher. Dancer.
    Instructor: Mm-hmm.
    Homer: Prancer.
    Instructor: Mm-hmm.
    Homer: Nixon. Comet… Stupid. Donna Dixon?
    Instructor: Sit down, Simpson.

    (Marge writes a Christmas letter.)
    Marge: (Thinking to herself.) Dear friends of the Simpson family. We had some sadness and some gladness this year. First, the sadness. Our little cat Snowball was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven. But we bought a new little cat, Snowball II. So, I guess life goes on. Speaking of life going on, Grandpa is still with us, feisty as ever. Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A's, and Bart--Well, we love Bart. The magic of the season has touched us all.
    Homer: Marge, haven't you finished that stupid letter yet?
    Marge: (Thinking to herself.) Homer sends his love. Happy Holidays,
    Homer: Marge!
    Marge: (Thinking to herself.) The Simpsons.
    Homer: Marge, where's the extension cord?
    Marge: Oh, for Heaven's sake, Homer. It's in the utility drawer.

    (Homer does some Christmas shopping alone.)
    Homer: Marge, Marge. Hmm. Let's see. Ooh, look! Pantyhose. (Puts some pantyhose in his cart.) Practical and alluring. A six-pack. Oh! Only 4.99. Ooh! Pads of paper. (Puts some lined paper in his cart.) I bet Bart can think of a million things to do with these. That just leaves little Maggie. Oh, look! A little squeak toy. (Squeezes the toy.) It says it's for dogs, but she can't read.

    (Homer encourages Bart, after he comes home from "gifted" school covered in green.)
    Homer: Don't be discouraged, son. I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.

    Mrs. Krabappel: Now class, I don't want this field trip to be a repeat of our infamous visit to the Springfield State Prison. So, I want you all to be on your best behavior, especially you, Bart Simpson.
    Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, I didn't unlock that door!

    While Reverend Lovejoy preaches in church, Homer listens to a football game using a personal radio and headphones.)
    Football Announcer: Now they're lining up for this crucial kick. One final tick of the clock remains. If they win, it will cap an amazing comeback. But, it's a 49-yard field goal into the wind.
    Homer: (Quietly) Make it! Make it! Make it! Make it!
    Football Announcer: The kick is up.
    Homer: (Quietly) Oh, please, please, please, please!
    Football Announcer: It's got the distance. Holy Toledo, it's good!
    Homer: (Homer stands up and shouts.) It's good! It's good! It's good!
    (The entire congregation murmurs and stares at Homer.)
    Homer: It's...good to see you all in church.

    (More discussion about Heaven.)
    Sunday School Teacher: (Exhausted) The ventriloquist goes to heaven, but the dummy doesn't.
    (Bart raises his hand.)
    Bart: Oh, oh, oh! Me!
    Sunday School Teacher: Bart?
    Bart: What about a robot with a human brain?
    Sunday School Teacher: I don't know! All these questions! Is a little blind faith too much to ask?

    (The kids surprise Marge with breakfast in bed and Homer tries to cover up the fact that he forgot Marge's birthday.)
    Homer: (Nudges Marge) You really thought I forgot, didn't you?
    Bart: Oh, right. What did you get her, Dad.
    Lisa: Yeah, what did you get.
    (Homer climbs out of bed and casually changes out of his pajamas and into some clothes.)
    Homer: Uh...well...a very... thoughtful gift. But it's a surprise. (Stretches and yawns) You know it's such a beautiful morning. I think I'll take a little stroll around the block.
    (Homer can be heard quickly running downstairs, out to his car, and peeling out of the driveway.)
    Lisa: I think he forgot, Mom.
    Marge: Mm-hmm.

    Cesar: Drink this.
    Bart: Oh, no thanks.
    Cesar: Do not worry. This is France. (Chuckles) It is customary for children to take a little wine now and then.
    Bart: Yeah, but it's got anti-freeze in there.
    Cesar: Drink it!

    (During Krusty the Clown’s trial, Homer is on the witness stand and the security camera footage from the robbery has just been played for the jury.)
    Prosecutor: Mr. Simpson, was that you taking that cowardly dive into that display of heavily-salted snack treats?

    (Homer picks out his lobster from a tank at a fancy seafood restaurant.)
    Homer: They all look so tasty, but I think I'll eat this one right there!
    (Homer points at a lobster.)
    Waiter: Why don't you pick one that’s a little more frisky, sir.
    Homer: Why?
    Waiter: Well, when you choose one that’s floating upside down, it somewhat defeats the purpose of selecting a live lobster.
    (Homer’s upside down lobster slowly floats across the screen.)

    (Bart listens to Mrs. Krabappel lecture him about his failing grades.)
    Mrs. Krabappel: Your grades have gotten steadily worse since the beginning of the term. Are you aware of that?
    Bart: Yes, ma'am.
    Mrs. Krabappel: Are you aware that there is a major exam tomorrow on colonial America?
    Bart: Yes, ma'am.
    Mrs. Krabappel: Blah, blah, blah-blah. Blah, blah, blah?
    Bart: Yes, ma'am.
    Mrs. Krabappel: Blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah.
    Bart: Yes, ma'am.
    Mrs. Krabappel: Bart! You haven't been paying attention to a word I said, have you?
    Bart: Yes, ma'am.
    Mrs. Krabappel: Well, then what did I say?
    Bart: Uhhh, “Straighten up and fly right?”
    Mrs. Krabappel: (Blows raspberry) That was a lucky guess

    (Homer listens to school psychiatrist, Dr. Pryor’s, opinions about Bart’s struggles in school.)
    Dr. Pryor: One of his problems may be his short attention span which can lead to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
    Homer: Uh-huh.
    Dr Pryor: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
    Homer: Mmm.

    (The Simpson family watches a game show called Grade School Challenge on the TV.)
    Game Show Host: Okay, the capital of North Dakota is named after what German ruler?
    Homer: Hitler!
    Marge: (Questioning Homer) Hitler, North Dakota?
    Patty and Selma: (In unison) Bismarck.
    Girl Contestant: Bismarck!
    Bart: (To Homer) Hitler?
    Homer: Hey, I'm still beating you, boy.
    Game Show Host: Okay, the colors of the Italian flag are red, white, and what?
    Bart: Blue!
    Homer: Yellow!
    Bart: Orange!
    Selma: Green.
    Bart: Red!
    Patty: Green.
    Bart: Purple!
    Homer: Red! White! Black! Green!
    Girl Contestant: Green.
    Homer: I was right! (Claps)

    (In the evil house, Marge catches the rest of the family trying to kill each other with knives.)
    Marge: That does it. Children, get dressed. We're leaving.
    Homer: Come on, Marge. You said you'd sleep on it.
    Marge: I don't care what I said. This family has had its differences and we've squabbled, but we've never had knife fights before, and I blame this house.

    (In “Bad Dream House” Homer calls up his realtor after he finds out the house was built on an Indian burial ground.)
    Homer: Mr. Ploot, Homer Simpson here. When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one little thing. You didn’t tell me it was built on an Indian burial ground! (Pause) No, you didn’t! (Pause) Well, that's not my recollection! (Pause) Yeah? Well, all right, goodbye!
    (Homer hangs up the phone and turns to his family.)
    Homer: He says he mentioned it five or six times.
  10. Otto: (singing, to tune of 'Foxy Lady' over Bus microphone) Do do doo, do doo do doo, do do do doo.
    Bart: Hey Otto, can I use that microphone.
    Otto: ..doo do do (switches off) Sorry Bart dude, it's for emergencies only. (switches back on) Doo doo doo.

    Roger Meyers Jr.: (reading hate mail) "I will never watch your show, buy any of your products or brake if I see you crossing the street." That's cold. "Dear sleaze merchant." Give me a break. Ladies and gentlemen, the screwballs have spoken.

    Kent Brockman: Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say "no, of course not, what kind of stupid question is that?" But one woman says "yes" ... Marge Simpson.

    Lawyer: Your Honor, my client has instructed me to remind the court how rich and important he is, and that he is not like other men.
    Mr. Burns: I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!

    Homer: "But" nothing, Marge. She's a heifer, plain and simple, and--(Selma walks into the room.)--Ooh! There's the little prom queen now.

    (At the breakfast table, Bart notices that Lisa isn't dressed for school.)
    Bart: No way! She's faking! If Lisa stays home, I stay home.
    Lisa: If Bart stays home, I'm going to school.
    Bart: Fine. Then--Wait a minute. If Lisa goes to school, then I go to school. But then, Lisa stays home, so I stay home. So, Lisa goes to school.
    Marge: Lisa, don't confuse your brother like that.

    (Bart shows the whole classroom the tape for his project called, "How Kittens Are Born: The Ugly Truth")
    Bart: …and here comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.
    All: EWW!!
    Bart: We were gonna keep the gray one, but the mother ate her.
    All: EWWWWW!!
    Martin: Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing the children!
    Mrs. Krabappel: As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately!
    Bart: Oh, look! This is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make 'em go back in.
    (The whole classroom screams)

    Homer: She's perfect!
    Lovejoy: Come on Homer what are her faults?
    Homer: Well sometimes that can be annoying!
    Marge: Oh Homer.
    Lovejoy: Now Marge, don't interrupt, you'll get your turn.
    Homer: I'm done.
    Lovejoy: Okay, Marge.
    Marge: Well… its not that I don't love the guy, I'm always sticking up for him, it's just that he's so self-centered. He forgets birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. He chews with his mouth open, he gambles, he hangs out at a seedy bar with bums and low lifes.
    Homer: Oh it’s true!
    Lovejoy: Homer don't interrupt.
    Marge: He blows his nose on the towels and then puts them back in the middle!
    Homer: I only did that a couple of times!

    Marge: I have NEVER been so embarrased in my life!
    Homer: Why... wadja do?

    Marge: Oh, they're here. How does everything look?
    Homer: Yeah, how do I look?
    Marge: Do we have enough glasses?
    Homer: Do we have enough gag ice cubes?
    Marge: Homer, Homer, put a record on.
    Homer: What are all our friends' names again?
  11. Bart: Me!?
    Wonder Years Voice: Get a job? Were they serious? I didn't realize it at the time but... a little bit of my childhood had slipped away... forever
    Homer: Bart! What are you staring at?
    Bart: Uh.. nothing
    Wonder Years Voice: He didn't say it and neither did I but at that moment, my dad and I were closer than we ever..
    Homer: BART!? Stop that!
    Bart: Sorry!

    Homer: Don't you know the story of Hercules and the lion?
    Bart: Is it a Bible story?
    Homer: Yeah, probably. Anyway... Once upon a time, there was a big mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the village people tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough! So they got Hercules, and Hercules used his mighty strength, and Bingo! Anyway, the moral is, the lion was so happy, he gave Hercules this big... thing... of riches.
    Bart: How did a lion get rich?
    Homer: It was the olden days!

    Guy with Mustache: Then one Monday morning, I got up. I got up, I couldn't leave the house. I just couldn't.
    Homer: Was the door locked?
    Guy with Mustache: No, I just couldn't face what was out there.
    Homer: Was it raining?

    Michael Jackson (Leon): You seem like a nice guy, why did they put you in here?
    Homer: Cuz I wore a pink shirt?
    Michael Jackson (Leon): I understand. People thought I was crazy for the way I dressed.
    Homer: What did you wear?
    Michael Jackson (Leon): One white glove, covered with Rhinestones.
    Homer: (rubs finger up and down his lips making a 'bibbity bobbity sound)

    Psychiatrist: Mrs. Simpson, I'm sorry, but your husband suffers from a persecution complex, extreme paranoia, and bladder hostility.
    Marge: Doctor, if you just talk to him for five minutes without mentioning our son Bart, you'd see how sane he is.
    Psychiatrist: You mean there really is a Bart?! Good Lord!

    Homer: I had a feeling it was too good to be true. Every time you get a million dollars, something queers the deal.
    Lisa: I don't think real checks have exclamation points.

    Homer: (the phone rings) What the..... D'oh, stupid welcoming mint! (picks up phone) Yallow!
    Bart: Good morning, this is your wake up call!
    Homer: Wake up call? It's 2am!
    Bart: Sorry fatso!

    Lisa: Dad, do you know what Schadenfreude is?
    Homer: (sarcastically) No, I do not know what Schadenfreude is. Please tell me, because I'm dying to know!
    Lisa: It's a German term for 'shameful joy', taking pleasure in the suffering of others.
    Homer: Oh, come on Lisa. I'm just glad to see him fall flat on his butt!

    Lisa: Here you go, Bart. It's a long shot, but that's all I can do without learning ancient Hebrew. (Bart stares at her) Bart! I am not going to learn ancient Hebrew!

    Mrs. Krabappel: Well, class the history of our country has been changed again, to correspond with Bart's answers on yesterday's test. America was now discovered in 1942 by... ''some guy.'' And our country isn't called America any more. It's Bonerland.

    Homer: What's the quickest, cheapest, easiest way to do something with you?
    Lisa: Uh, take us to the video store?
    Homer: Anything for my little girl.

    Marge: Well, Homer, maybe you can get some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.
    Homer: Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! (slams the door, then put his head back round) Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic.
    Marge: Well, duh!

    Bart: My father invented that drink, and if you'll allow me to demonstrate...
    Edna: Bart, are those liquor bottles?
    Bart: Um...yes
    Edna: Take them to the teacher's lounge. You can have what's left at the end of the day.

    Homer: Let me ask you something: does your money cheer you up when you're feeling blue?
    Burns: Yes.
    Homer: Okay, bad example. So let me ask you this: does your money ever hug you when you come home at night?
    Burns: Why, no.
    Homer: And does it say "I love you"?
    Burns: No, it doesn't.
    Homer: (chanting) Nobody loves you, nobody loves you you're old and you're ugly, nobody loves you ...

    Homer: (in the land of chocolate) Wow! Chocolate, half price!... (his dream finishes) la la lalala la...
    Horst: Mr. Simpson.....Mr. Simpson
    Homer: Huh? oh, sorry, we were talking about chocolate?
    Fritz: Zat vas ten minutes ago!

    German: Homer, can we have a word with you?
    Homer: No..
    German: Sorry, i must have phrased that badly. May we have a brief, friendly chat?
    Homer: No!
    German: Once again I have failed.[reading from a German-English phrasebook]We request the pleasure of your company for a free exchange of ideas.
    Homer: NO!!!!
  12. I love the Simpsons.
  13. My favorite episode is Call of the Simpsons. Its one of the first episodes on the first season where the Simpsons get a crappy motor home to go camping. Homer ends up being mistaken as bigfoot, Maggie is taken in by wild bears, and I'm pretty sure Marge saves the day yet again. Classic :yes:
  14. Smithers (about Homer): This man not only failed the aptitude test, he got trapped in a closet on the way out.

    Homer (writing a letter to Marge): Also it has become clear that your family doesn't want me here.
    Patty (from upstairs): SHUT UP with that pen scratching down there!

    Homer: I became the loving, responsible father you see before you today!
    Bart: Hey, Homer, can we have a can of frosting for lunch?
    Homer: Okay.

    Homer: It's not our fault, we didn't want the boy, he was an accident!
    Marge: Homer!!!
    Homer: Um, could you edit that last part out?
    Kent: Mr. Simpson, we're live coast to coast!
    Homer: D'oh!

    Bart: Rod, Todd, this is God!
    Rod: How did you get on the radio?
    Bart: What do you mean “how did I get on the radio?” I created the universe, stupid kid.
    Todd: Forgive my brother, we believe you!
    Bart: Walk through the wall; I will remove it for you! (bumps) later…ha, ha, ha!

    Homer: Oh, there's only one can of beer left and it's Bart’s!

    Bart: I'm here for my free birthday sundae!
    Guy: Eat it and get out!

    Homer: That little Timmy is a real hero.
    Lisa: What makes him a hero dad?
    Homer: Well he fell down the well and ... can't get out.
    Lisa: How does that make him a hero?
    Homer: Well, it's more than you did!

    Lisa: Wouldn't it be fun if we watched the game together?
    Homer: Eeeeeh.....okay, just don't say anything and sit down over there...... Over.... over.... over.....over....
    Lisa: (sighs)
    Homer: Lisa! Please! I can't hear the announcers!
    Lisa: He said Denver just fumbled.
    Homer: D'oh!

    Radio: This is Coma - WKOMA, restful, easy listening. Coming up next, a super set of songs about clouds.

    Bart: Hey, Mom. Did you save Dad's love letters?
    Marge: Of course I saved them. Well actually, there's only one. It's more of a love postcard from some brewery he visited.
    Homer: Maybe it's the beer talking, Marge. But you've got a butt that won't quit. They've got these big chewy pretzels here (undecipherable slurring) five dollars?! Get outta here!
    Bart: Wow, the side of Dad I've never seen.

    (At church, Homer puts in money into plate)
    Bart: Homer, that was a twenty!
    Homer: Da- (A quarter falls into jar)
    (At the bowling alley, the last pin won't go down.)
    Homer: Son-of-a- (Coins go into the jar)
    Ned: You know, the way these checks come in, it's almost criminal!Homer: YOU DIRTY BAS-- (Coins fall into swear jar)
    (Homer completes the doghouse.)
    Lisa: Where does the dog go in?
    Homer: Well, you see... Oh S- (Money goes in the jar)
    (While Homer reclines in the hammock, a beehive falls on his stomach.)
    Homer: Ahhhhhh! (Homer's bee-sting-covered hand drops more coins into the quickly-filling jar.)

    "Woodrow": Dearest Edna, I must leave you. Why, I cannot say. Where, you cannot know. How I will get there, I haven't decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name Edna. And so let us part with a love that will echo through the ages. ---Woodrow

    Edna: Some of you may discover a wonderful vocation you'd never even imagined. Others may find out life isn't fair, in spite of your Masters from Bryn Mawr, you might end up a glorified babysitter to a bunch of dead-eyed fourth graders while your husband runs naked on a beach with your marriage counselor!

    Hoover: Now put paste on your paper. Ralph, are you eating your paste?
    Ralph: (Gluestick poking out of his mouth) No, Ms. Hoover.

    Homer: I wanna pet him again!
    Marge: You can pet the cat.
    Homer: The cat? What's the point?

    Homer: Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
    Marge: What's that?
    Homer: A dinosaur!

    Marge Even if he has passed on, there's no reason to cry. Remember Doggie Heaven?
    Homer: Oh, Marge, there is no such place!
    Marge: (Clears throat, indicating Bart and Lisa)
    Homer: Or, to put it another way, there is.

    Wiggum: (Ansswers phone) Uh, no you've got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2

    Selma: And here's another breathtaking sight... my brand new hubby!
    Sideshow Bob: I wanted a room with a fireplace you blasted luggage monkey! Like the one in your brochure! ... Oh Selma dear... I was just chatting with my good friend... Dennis! Now, smile for the camera, there's a good lad!

    Bart: After trying 4 times to explain it to Homer, I explained it to Mom and we were on our way!

    Bart: Rough day, Apu. Hand me a squishee and don't spare the syrup.
    Apu: Oh, perhaps you would like to try an experimental flavor of my own concoction. A delicious Chutney Squishee.
    Bart: Oh... okay…slurp
    Apu: You can really taste the chutney!

    Otto: One time,Homer had food on his face for a whole week! And it wasn't a crumb, either, it was a chicken wing!

    Mr. Stanky: Samantha!
    Samantha: Dad!
    (Mr. Stanky yells out no and carries Samantha out of Bart's Treehouse.)
    Mr. Stanky: Samantha, you’re my little girl, and sometimes my imagination runs away with me. Just, just tell me what happened.
    Samantha: Well Milhouse and I…
    Mr. Stanky: That's enough!

    Bart: How would I go about creating a half-man half-apelike creature?
    Edna: I'm sorry, that would be playing God.
    Bart: God shmod! I want my monkey-man!

    Homer: Marge, where's that... metal... dealy... you use to... dig... food?
    Marge: You mean a spoon?
    Homer: Yeah yeah yeah!
  15. Marge: How was your day at work, dear?
    Homer: Oh, the usual...stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough...

    Bart: Are there any Jive-Talking Robots in this play?
    Marge: Um, I don't think so.
    Homer: Bart, don't ask stupid questions... Is there any frontal nudity?
    Marge: No, Homer!

    Homer: But, Marge, what about dessert?
    Marge: Oh, for gosh sakes, Homer, you can open your OWN can of pudding!
    Homer: Fine! I WILL! (ring on can snaps off) Ah! Oh no, my pudding is trapped forever!

    Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, you remember Matthew 21-27, "The Foolish man who built his house on sand".
    Homer: And you remember Matthew...21-17?
    Reverend Lovejoy: And he left them, and went out of the city into Bethany; and he lodged there?
    Homer: Yeah...(regains confidence) think about it.

    Homer: You bet your sweet...(looks around)...ass! Heh, heh, heh!

    Homer: Kids, let me tell you about another so-called wicked guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas. He didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was... I forget. But the point is... I forget that, too. Marge, you know what I'm talking about. He used to drive that blue car?

    Homer: I'm whizzin' with the door open... and I love it!

    Kent: Lisa Simpson is no longer Little Miss Springfield. She was stripped of her crown in a ceremony earlier today (footage of a goat being bottle fed plays) Well, that's obviously the wrong footage. Uh. But it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen Homer Simpson filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under 'do not write under this space' he wrote 'okay'.

    L the losers in her wake,
    I the income she will make,
    T is for her tooth-filled mouth,
    T is for her tooth-filled mouth...

    Choreographer: I said step, pause, turn, pause, pivot, step, step!Not step, pause, turn, pause, pivot, step, pause!

    Lisa: She's beautiful!
    Contestant: Eyelash implants.
    Lisa: I thought those were illegal!
    Contestant: Not in Paraguay.

    Homer: I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some *crybabies* out there, religious types mostly, who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on I dare you. Chicken!
    Marge: Homer, did you just call everyone chicken?
    Homer: No. I swear on this Bible!
    Marge: That's not a Bible; that's a book of carpet samples!
    Homer: Ooooh... Fuzzy.

    Homer: Marge, the doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me!

    Homer: You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
    Bart: TV Sucks.
    Homer: I know you're upset right now so I'll pretend you didn't say that!

    Homer: Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
    Bart: Not bloody likely.
    Homer: No it's true, You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
    Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?
    Homer: I like stories.

    Marge: Maybe you'd get promoted if you worked a little harder.
    Homer: Are you kidding? I work like a Japanese beaver.
    Marge: Oh, really? I came to see you three times today. Twice you were sleeping and once you were kicking that ball of electrical tape around.
    Homer: Well! I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy. I'm going to go right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba… (gets back into bed) Eh, good-night.

    Lady: Here we have an Alaskan Timberwolf. He weighs 240 pounds and his jaws can bite through a parking meter. He does get spooked by loud noises.

    Homer: Marge, it'll cost eighty-five hundred dollars! We only have five hundred in the bank, and that leaves... eighty-hundred we need.

    Homer: (trying to remember about love is in his flashback) Zoo Keeper! Zoo Keeper! Those two monkeys are killing each other!
    Zoo Keeper: (whispering) There're having sex.

    (When Homer is trying to teach Bart about why he will be so attracted to women)
    Homer: Son, a woman is a lot like a…(looks around the kitchen) a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and… um… (spies his beer can) Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (downs his beer) But you can't stop at one; you wanna drink another woman! (goes to grab another "woman" out of the "woman")
    (Sometime later, Homer is "love sick" from having so many different "women"…okay, he's just drunk)(babbling on, incoherently) So I says yeah, if you want that money come and find it, cuz I don't know where it is you baloney! You make me wanna wretch! (passes out)