The Secret Life of Cats: A Peek into EB's Closet

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  1. (No pets were harmed in the telling of this story/reveal)

    EB Please be patient — getting Rosie AND Rocket to tell the tale takes time. I’m typing as fast as I can. You’ll get to see some fun stuff and my long stalled renovation.

    Scene: EB’s Elegant Home in the Washington, DC Suburbs in May 2016

    It’s a rainy morning. EB and EB DH have left for their respective jobs.

    Rocket stretches out his panther-like, 18-inch, 18lb frame on his favorite sofa in the family room (close to the food bowl) and thinks:

    “It’s good to be me! — I am Siamese, chief cat and mouse catcher. Mommy fed me my favorite kibble this morning and I am looking forward to lounging around and watching ESPN. It’s been raining for the Kagillionth day in a row. (I’m going to be the resident mouser on Mommy’s Ark when the time comes.) The only thing to do is watch Washington Catitols — I mean Capitals hockey re-runs. What happened to this season? We were supposed to W I N!!! We had the best record. Holtby got 43 wins for leopard’s sake!!! I H A T E the Pittsburgh Penguins!!! Mommy MUST get me Penguin flavored cat treats for me at the grocery store next time.”

    Rosie, “Rocket, you lazy beast!!! All you want to do is hang out on the sofa and watch TV!!! Except when it comes to food—Usain Bolt can’t beat you to the bowl once Mommy sets down the chow. I’m lucky to get two bites!!!” Rosie, a svelte 7lb seal point arches her eyebrow at her cousin and lifelong companion. “I guess we’re more like Jack Sprat and his wife. I want to go upstairs and knock some knick-knacks on the floor or perhaps a lamp. Mommy gives me so much attention when I break stuff!”

    The peace and calm of their normal morning banter is shattered by noises at the front door. People are there. And it’s NOT Mom, Dad, DD, DS or the dreaded cleaning ladies with their loud and scary vacuum cleaners.

    Rosie: UK OH!!! Rocket did you hear that!!! Save me!!!
    Rocket: Me? No way, I am doing my imitation of a flying chicken!!!
    Rosie: More like waddling chicken.”

    The front door opens and three men enter the house. They are carrying hammers, saws and wrenches. And they mean business.

    Rocket and Rosie go into panic mode and race upstairs to the safe room, except that it’s locked, LOCKED!!!!

    Rocket: Holy Hounds from H*ll!!! He throws his body weight against the door and claws at the opening, but it won’t budge!!! This door does not have the curved handles he can open with ease.
    Rosie (Panicked): That’s not working!!!! I’m going to see if I fit under the door.
    Rocket: Even you’re not THAT skinny!!!

    Both cats run under the bed in the master bedroom. BUT THERE IS NO ESCAPE because the men walk right in!!!

    Rosie: Meowrr!!! The basement is our only option!!! R U N!!!!. She sagely grabs her paw-enabled cattop and iCat and races downstairs.

    They skittle across the bare hardwood floors and bound down to the basement. They hide under a padded chair.

    Rocket and Rosie look at each other, “Whew that was close!” What’s going ON!!!

    Their safety is short lived as one of the workmen come down to the basement. He opens up a panel in the wall and fiddles with some levers (Workman is shutting off the water to the house.)

    Rocket (Cowering): What are we going to do?!!!
    Rosie (Looking frantically around): The little room!!! I see the door ajar!!! Gulp?!!! I’m going!!!!
    Rocket: Don’t leave me!!!!

    Workman: Los gatos locos!!!

    The stampede to the closet takes 3 seconds.

    Rosie gets there first. It’s pitch black, filled with large boxes with wheels on the bottom. Navigating around them is not easy.

    Rocket barrels into Rosie and both slam into an opening at the back of the closet, which gives way. They both fall down into a mysterious sanctum. Luckily they land on their feet. Motion detectors sense them and soft lighting flickers on and leads them down an arched hallway lined with portraits of stunningly beautiful Siamese and Oriental Shorthair Cats (OSH):
    · Allegro (Family Patriarch): Blue Point Siamese and accomplished painter;
    · Guinevere: Seal Point Grand Champion and model;
    · Bweasel: Blue OSH and supremely successful business cat;
    · Tilly: his beautiful Gray Tabby OSH companion, Hermes expert and jewelry aficionada
    · Panda: Black and White OSH, beloved daughter who passed too soon
    · Lily: Blue Point Petite, azure-eyed bombshell

    The pastel teal and driftwood intricately-patterned oriental carpet lines the polished hardwood floors that lead to a door with a brushed metal, ornately carved, curved handle.

    Upstairs: Terrifying bangs, crashes and heavy footsteps. (The master bathroom is being demolished and the tub, toilet, cabinets, clunk down the steps to the outside.)

    Rocket: No amount of kibble is going to make me go upstairs!!!
    Rosie: You don’t think, Mommy or Daddy is… in danger…

    Rocket goes up on his hind legs and easily opens the door. Drawn inside, the comfortable room is lined with cases — some for jewels, others for handbags and clothes. A full-length mirror is on one side and a large flat screen TV with paw-sized remote is on the other. A plush circular couch face outwards — a wet bar with a cascading water element is at the center with luscious looking cat treats in neatly bowed packages.

    Rocket: Whoa Baybee, I smell cat treats!!!
    He makes a bee-line to the bows…
    Rosie: Rocket not so fast!!!!

    A bright light scans over Rocket, then Rosie — a vision begins and Lily purrs:

    “Welcome to Casa Félina; eb built this wonderful space for her beloved cats — as well as stash to store some of her, uh… “bad grrl” purchases. I’m Lily. I’ve been waiting for you to arrive.

    “I know eb (maman) can never be without her beloved cats — and she always gets two — a boy and a girl. It’s your job to take care of her — and make sure she gets the best of everything!!! I will tutor you as Tilly taught me.

    Lily stretches and moves across the screen — even in old age, she is graceful and mesmerizing.

    “Let’s start with the silks. Here is a classic example of Hermes at its best — Le Mors et Le Conetable. The navy one was maman’s first H scarf. She got it when she was 19 years old. Guinivere (Niv) helped her pick it out. See how beautiful it is — and close to 40 years old. (We ALL wish we could age as well as Hermes items!) C’est la vie. Here is a more modern takes on Le Mors et Le Conetable — a chic gray. I hear people would do illegal things nowadays to get that gray.

    Oh and here is another oldie but goodie — Tourbillon. This was maman’s second scarf — Niv insisted she get this — and it’s been one of her favorites for years.”

    Rosie: Scampers to the shelves and points to a black bag. I bet Mom’s, er Maman’s new to her black bag would look great with the Tourbillon!!! She got it from New York – a Monaco socialite. I think Maman called this a 32 cm Haut a Courroies (HAC) in black Ardennes with GHW.
    She carefully places the bag and scarf together. “See?!!! Doesn’t that look wonderful together. They were made for one another!!! "Maman calls this bag "Francie" after the Grace Kelly character from the movie To Catch A Thief"

    Lily beams at the girl and says:
    Perfect name for such a classic and gorgeous bag. I knew you were a such smart girl from the moment I laid eyes on you!!!

    Rosie preens with the praise.
    Rocket sneaks to the cat treats, snags a couple, splays himself on the couch and taps the remote to ESPN.
    Lily arches and eyebrow at Rocket and sighs, “spayed boys — lovable, but useless.”

    Attached Files:

    appl, **Chanel**, Setherwood and 5 others like this.
  2. Forgot to add pics of the stars of the show. Rocket.jpg Rosie.jpg R&R.jpg
  3. Applause, applause!

    HoneysuckleCottage likes this.
  4. What a fun and cat-iful....I mean beautiful story! Can't wait to read more! ( love your kitties by the way fellow Washingtonian!)
  5. Love love love the story and your cats!
  6. Go Rocket and Rosie! :happydance:
  7. How fun!

    As an aside, EB, Catsinthebag's Furballs would like to offer their condolences to Rocket and Rosie. As Bruins fans, we share in your hatred of the Penguins, and would much rather have seen Ovie skating around holding a Cup over his head. Just sayin.
    etoupebirkin likes this.
  8. You're a hockey fan. I new you'd like this.

    Hopefully you'll like my humor and wit.
    Rocket is dictating to me. He's trying to one up Rosie. I'll have more to the story tomorrow. I had a bit of a day today. But I wanted to start this reveal. The cats have been nudging me to start.

    Please forgive if the multi-quotes don't work. This is the first time (VIRGIN!) I'm trying this.
    Here goes nothing...
  9. Rocket loves this. When I find Penguin-flavored or shaped cat treats. I will let you know.
    catsinthebag likes this.
  10. Please do!
  11. image.jpeg
    Just in case Rocket and Rosie want to come to the dark side....
  12. OMG SPEW!!! If I was drinking my nightcap, it would be coming out my nose right now!!!
    Too funny.
  13. Rocket and Rosie are beautiful, EB!
  14. There is not a LIKE button for the whole thread or I would use it! Fun!!!!!
  15. OK, as a self-respecting B's fan, you'll understand that I can't "like" this. But what a handsome boy!