The 13 Worst Hair Trends in Music

[caitlin1214]

The 13 Worst Hair Trends in Music

You gave into the crowd. You spent over a hundred dollars a month on hair product just to fit in. You keep your high school pictures hidden at all costs. You received nasty looks at every family gathering from 1984 to 1995. You have clearly fallen victim to the worst hair trends in the history of music.

Jon D'Auria

(Blender March 26 2008)



Style: The Bleach Job
Description: Some did it to stand out, others did it all for the nookie. Whatever the reason, bald men everywhere cried for the abuse of healthy hair follicles. It did, however, make it tremendously easy for Spring Breakers to find their drunken white-mopped friends on a busy dance floor.
Era: Late '90s
Main Culprits: Sugar Ray, Eminem, Fred Durst, Everclear, Goldfinger
Keeping It Alive: Larry Birkhead



Style: The Bowl Cut
Description: They stormed our shores to bring the U.S. a new style of music, a new perspective on celebrity, and, of course, incredibly dorky hair cuts. The simple recipe for this fad requires only a large salad bowl, a pair of scissors and a lack of self-respect. Gnarled horse teeth optional.
Era: The '60s
Main Culprits: The Beatles, the Rolling Stones, the Who, the Kinks
Keeping It Alive:Harry Potter





Style: The High-Top Fade
Description: The dawn of hip-hop brought the sound of the streets to the mainstream charts, as the MCs of the '80s rose straight to the top. Unfortunately, that was also the blueprint for their hairstyle. Whether you were East Coast, West Coast, gangsta or b-boy, if you weren't rocking the high tower, you were just another sucka.
Era: Mid-'80s–early '90s
Main Culprits: Kid 'N Play, De La Soul, Boyz II Men, New Edition, Bell Biv DeVoe
Keeping It Alive: Guile from Street Fighter

 

[caitlin1214]

Style: The Beard Ponytail
Description: When one ponytail ceased to be metal enough in the early 2000s, the rock gods assembled and came upon a solution: braid the next plot of hair down. A new form of head banging followed shortly thereafter. We hope we're not around when the trend lowers on the body.
Era: 2000–present
Main Culprits: System of a Down, Disturbed, Metallica
Keeping It Alive: Mastodon





Style: The Boy Cut (w/ Headband)
Description: Just got back from the gym? It doesn't matter. You can capture that true Jazzercise look and feel by simply applying a bandanna to your kindergarten-boy haircut. Both men and women were bonded by this haircut, and it later became a crowd staple at Lilith Fair festivals to come.
Era: Late '70s, early '80s
Main Culprits: Pat Benatar, Loverboy's Mike Reno
Keeping It Alive: Ashton Kutcher, Eric Prydz





Style: The Hippie
Description: Free spirited, free lovin' and free of shampoo. We can't even begin to imagine the smell of the cumulative stench at Woodstock. I mean, we get the whole "liberated soul" thing, but come on, would a rinse of Pert Plus and a stick of deodorant really kill your acid trip?
Era: Early '60s–mid-'70s
Main Culprits: Janis Joplin, the Allman Brothers, Grateful Dead
Keeping It Alive: The Dude from The Big Lebowski





Style: The Big Goth
Description: Looking like a giant tarantula perched on top of their heads, this disastrous mop is just about as painfully goth as it gets. I suppose anything would be good to detract attention from the lipstick-and-heavy-eyeliner-covered faces of these dark poetry-writing graveyard lurkers.
Era: Mid-'70s–late '90s
Main Culprits: The Cure's Robert Smith, Twiggy Ramirez of Marilyn Manson, Bauhaus
Keeping It Alive: Edward Scissorhands and creator Tim Burton

 

[caitlin1214]

Style: The Mullet
Description: Business in front, party in back and white trash all around. This gem of a hairdo has become a major fixation in pop culture, leaving many trailer park tenants feeling cheated and robbed. Hey, it got John Stamos a gig drumming for the Beach Boys didn't it?
Era: '80–present
Main Culprits: Billy Ray Cyrus, Bono, Michael Bolton and most country music singers
Keeping It Alive: Dee Snider, country music





Style: The Vedder
Description: Many yeti sightings were reported in the greater Seattle area, thanks to this classy combination of grotesquely large sideburns and long unwashed hair. It's a subtle variation of the hippie; the main differentiation was in the substitution of freedom with a universal sense of desolation. On the positive side, shampoo was cool, and sleeping with Winona Ryder was a distinct possibility.
Era: Early–mid-'90s
Main Culprits: Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, the Melvins
Keeping It Alive: Band of Horses, your local 7-Eleven clerk





Style: The Hair Metal Head
Description: Ah, the days of glam rock: cheap booze, cheap girls, tight spandex and men who took pride in looking like women. It was this dazzling hairstyle that marked the first time in music history that rock stars worked harder on their hair than their groupies did.
Era: '80s
Main Culprits: Bon Jovi, Poison, Cyndi Lauper, Guns N' Roses
Keeping It Alive: Slash

 

[caitlin1214]

Style: The Mike Patton
Description: Too metal for the mullet? Don't want to give up your long head-banging locks of glory? Why not compromise and just shave the under part. Nothing says class and sophistication like a half-finished haircut. Who knew you could have your Milwaukee's Best and drink it, too?
Era: Late '80s–late '90s
Main Culprits: Jason Newsted of Metallica, Corey Glover of Living Colour, Anthony Kiedis of Red Hot Chili Peppers
Keeping It Alive: The Orc goblins in The Lord of the Rings trilogy





Style: The Faux Hawk
Description: Finally, something both frat boys and emo kids can agree on—a douche bag haircut moussed to look like a haircut your parents won't let you in the house with. How did something as tough as the Mohawk evolve into something this pitiful? Mr. T is banging his fist in anger somewhere right now.
Era: 2003–present
Main Culprits: Chester of Linkin Park, Kevin Federline, Ryan Seacrest
Keeping It Alive: Angelina Jolie's son Maddox, David Beckham





Style: Emo Bed Head
Description: All it takes to look this effortlessly scornful is a few hours, a critical eye and an endorsement from Paul Mitchell. Extra points for spikes that look tragic, porcupiney, and *****in' on avatars and blog profile pics. LOL.
Era: 2000–present
Main Culprits: Pete Wentz, Panic! At the Disco
Keeping It Alive: Project Runway Season 4 winner, Christian Siriano

 

[Sophie-Rose]

funny thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks for posting!!!

 

[intheevent]

That was funny,
thanks