Teenage discipline...

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  1. what do u do when your teen girl talks back(Mine is almost 13....and hormonal...ugh)..is rude?or just really DISRESPECTFUL?
    Im getting nowhere fast....sigh.....id appreciate your input.
     
  2. and yes..ive taken away her macbook..the iphone.....etc.....
     
  3. one thing I heard works for all ages is listen to what they say and don't bite (meaning do not play along...ignore because it's the reaction they are looking for)

    and the other one was when they have done something bad ask them what they think their punishment should be (and can not be a trivial thing) because it gets them involved.

    :hugs: to you as I am dreading those years
     
  4. This is tough Jill. I had two teens in my house for many years and they are temporarily insane at that age. What we used to do is call them out on the behavior immediately. In other words say calmly, "Was that comment and tone necessary? It was very rude and inconsiderate. If you cannot use respect when you speak to others then you can go to your room and take a time out like the little kids do" If they did not shape up we'd send them to their room and invariably they'd come back out later and tell us they were sorry. I also don't think this behavior should be ignored because you don't want them treating people outside the family this way either, (like teachers) kwim?

    I think that they just react at that age because of hormones and sometimes they simply don't think. Also their peer groups are probably filled with kids reinforcing that it's not 'cool' to get along with your parents. Then of course you have them testing the boundaries in general and just trying to create drama! :lol:
     
  5. Just stand firm, remember, NO means NO! If you start giving in now, you will be screwed!
     
  6. #6 Jan 18, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2009
    i am almost there, my daugter is 12 going in 37 and always ALWAYS has something to say.. I had to stay calm these last months as I was pregnant, but now I am ON her ass like white on rice...she right now has no use of her laptop, the next to go is the wii, the phone, then no tv... i see a little improvement, but when she gets those things back, she starts up all over again..
    My next step is to REALLY turn it up on her. she likes to eat... and eat out and good, so I told her I simply was not going to feed her, wash her clothes and that she would have to fend for herself until i felt it necessary and she had learned her lesson. I dont even wake her up for school and she is very studios and punctual, so its a big deal to her if she doesnt goto school.. and if she misses the bus , I dont take her.
    I have ordered food only for myself and sat and enjoyed while she watched and drooled.. I know it maybe extreme but it made her come correct and she stopped acting like an ass....so if she gets out of line I have no hesitations on doing it again..
    and mind u aunt flo has NOT surfaced yet...oh gosh what to do when it comes..boy am i dreading
    it....

    hugs and good luck to you...teenage girls at this stage go totally wacko !!!
    I hope you find some advice that works for you
     
  7. ^^ I'm assuming you're kidding in a Bill Cosby kind of way. You know how he's always threatening on the Cosby show how the kids are going to have to get jobs and how he's going to kick them out and spend his money going on vacation. Right? Please tell me you feed your kid and you don't punish her by depriving her of an education.
     
  8. If my parents treated me this way as a child, I would have a hard time respecting and trusting them. I fully understand withholding privileges like tv and computer use, but I have a hard time grasping the idea of withholding basic rights like food and an education. I would have really resented my parents if they treated me with such contempt.
     
  9. I made it through a mouthy mean child! Sometimes it still rears it ugly head. Patience and more Patience. Even when you like to smack the s**t out of them.
     
  10. #10 Jan 18, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2009
    I have a suggestion and it may not be popular. It's not necessarily a disciplinary measure, more of a mum to daughter reconnection which can drastically improve behaviour. She is in teenage hormone-ridden hell right now ... we've all been there and whilst I am not saying her smart mouth is ok, I think it may be wise to approach this a little differently. If nothing else is working you have nothing to lose. So, here is my suggestion: When neither of you are "at it" and there is an air of calm in the home, ask her if she would like to go for a girl's day out. Take her out to lunch and relax, have a talk and try to reconnect with her. Ask her what she needs, tell her that you love her and you want to work this out. I know you may be thinking that she doesn't deserve to be taken out, but I think that at this hormone-ridden stage, a girl not only needs her mum (and doesn't know it), but needs her mum to be her friend. (I know many people say it's wrong for a parent to be a friend but I don't agree because you can be both. One doesn't cancel out the other.) You can get to the heart of this and get her back on track ... but sometimes you've got to be a bit sneaky. Good luck.
     
  11. Well, I'm a mom to a 12 year old, but he's got a mouth too and has needed reminders to talk nice. Mostly, I notice that taking things away and being mean back just reinforces their belief that you don't get it and you are mean. If you stop yourself from 'going there' and stay calm, they will calm down or realize really soon that they are the one being horrible.

    And I agree with Dallas too. While I think kids always need to know that their parents are 'boss' I also think kids and parents need to have some connection of "I like you and want to spend time with you in a fun way." It builds the relationship where I think yelling and punishing all the time just erodes it.

    I know I haven't hit the brunt of it yet, but I remember REALLY well my teen years and work with teens quite a bit and love and calmness goes a really long way.
     
  12. #12 Jan 18, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2009
    I have a new baby in the house...which DOESNT help the situation...she is wanting my attention.
    I JUST hired a nanny today...and i deliberately set aside one night a week for GIRLS NIGHT OUT.just her and me.
    I JUST took her to c the Jonas Bros concert in the BAHAMAS...yet she seems to b ungrateful....which makes me really sad.SHe has always been like my buddy.and I cant tell if its the AGE....hormones and all...or the Addition of the baby in the house.She all of a sudden curses at me.throws things at me...and WONT LISTEN TO ME AT ALL.Im really devastated by it....she has always been the perfect daughter..literally.
    she is having issues at her school with her best friend ..so she holds it all in and takes it out on me now..almost violently..she blows up and it scares me.
    yes..i tried offering a counselor..she refused.its just so hard cuz Im tired with a teething baby and she is acting out nonstop to get my attention.HOPEFULLY a new nanny will help lessen my load and spend more quality time with her.....otherwise..i need a vacation!like..NOW!LOL!
     
  13. wow jill! i don't have advice but **HUGS** for you and i hope things get better soon! i remember being a teenager and not getting along w/ my mom...ugh it was horrible we didn't get along until i moved out actually...we were just so much a like i think...now we get along great. talk on the phone several times a day usually and go out to dinner 1-2 times a week (when my dh has to work)

    i hope it gets better for you before then!!
     
  14. Sounds like she's going through a tough time. I know my son can get scary too (though it's less now) and I REALLLLLLY know how hard it is to stay calm when you are also taking care of a baby and getting too little sleep continually, so I'm sorry for all the turmoil that is going on.

    I'm sure it's a lot of adjustments, new baby, problems at school and yep... easier to yell at mom than anything else... Really, I think if you told her what you just told us, I think that would help start a conversation. Like, on a calmer day and in a calm tone - that you miss the relationship you had, how proud of her you've always been and feeling that things haven't been good lately and you want it to get better and how can we do that?

    And it is true - parenting is so rewarding, but oh so difficult - the most difficult job of all.
     
  15. I haven't read all the posts yet - only up to this one. I couldn't agree more. Being a teenager is hard! I remember my Mother taking me out for lunch and shopping and we would talk about life and what I was going through. This helped me more than any kind of punishment. At a certain point, taking things away only made me more angry at them. Talking to me and trying to find out why I'm acting the way I am helped me more than anything.

    Dallas, you sound like a seriously awesome Mom! :heart: