Suicide is a Selfish Act [?]

[Manolos21]

From my perspective, it's not a selfish act. I think the reason other people often think of it as "selfish" because they're thinking of how the suicide will impact themselves. That sort of thinking strikes me as more selfish - I find it self-involved and selfish to presume to understand a person's pain/suffering and think you know what is better.

 

[cjj]

There are so many views on this subject and without a doubt, the experience one has regarding it colors the attitude towards it. I've fought family members regarding taking someone off life support because they viewed it as "helping the person commit suicide" and that the person was being "selfish for not thinking about the ones who love him/her". I've had close friends/family who have served/are serving in the military and they have very strong opinions about suicide. I know those who,for religious reasons, will not discuss suicide as being anything other than "sinful" no matter the reason. I'm an advocate for NHPCO as well as working with others in my state to make Physician-Assisted Suicide legal for those who want this CHOICE.

My personal belief? That is takes a very strong person to commit suicide as it goes against every fiber of the human survival instinct. EVERY fiber. For many, it brings peace that they have earned after a long time of suffering. In the end, no one truly knows what they will do in a situation until THEY are in that exact situation. Peace to everyone.

 

[cdtracing]

I can speak from personal experience. My oldest & only biological son committed suicide in 2014. A selfish act?? I don't believe so. He had been diagnosed as bipolar & there was some difficulty with getting his medication right. He has said he didn't like how the meds made him feel. Often times, medication to treat depression & bipolar has side effects of suicidal thoughts. I don't think it was one thing that caused him to make his decision but a culmination of a lot of things. I think he found himself in that dark place & could not see any light to get out. I don't judge. No one truly knows what goes on in someone else's mind, especially those who suffer with depression. I will say, there is now a void in my life that will always be there. I think of him & light a candle for him every day.

 

[pukasonqo]

I can speak from personal experience. My oldest & only biological son committed suicide in 2014. A selfish act?? I don't believe so. He had been diagnosed as bipolar & there was some difficulty with getting his medication right. He has said he didn't like how the meds made him feel. Often times, medication to treat depression & bipolar has side effects of suicidal thoughts. I don't think it was one thing that caused him to make his decision but a culmination of a lot of things. I think he found himself in that dark place & could not see any light to get out. I don't judge. No one truly knows what goes on in someone else's mind, especially those who suffer with depression. I will say, there is now a void in my life that will always be there. I think of him & light a candle for him every day.

i am sorry for your loss

 

[cdtracing]

i am sorry for your loss

Thank you.

 

[frick&frack]

I can speak from personal experience. My oldest & only biological son committed suicide in 2014. A selfish act?? I don't believe so. He had been diagnosed as bipolar & there was some difficulty with getting his medication right. He has said he didn't like how the meds made him feel. Often times, medication to treat depression & bipolar has side effects of suicidal thoughts. I don't think it was one thing that caused him to make his decision but a culmination of a lot of things. I think he found himself in that dark place & could not see any light to get out. I don't judge. No one truly knows what goes on in someone else's mind, especially those who suffer with depression. I will say, there is now a void in my life that will always be there. I think of him & light a candle for him every day.

Giant hugs to you

Treating bipolar disorder is so difficult. I'm so sorry that you lost your son. [emoji253]

 

[frick&frack]

I'm going to share a story that very few people know. I'm shaking just writing this.
When I was young I got pregnant. I come from a very religious family and the idea of abortion was never an option. I had my baby boy, but I was just not equipped to care for him. I tried to raise him the best I could, but I just couldn't give him what he deserved. I loved him so much that I gave him up for adoption to a wonderful couple. My family was not supportive and very cruel to me. They said things like "How could you do this to your precious boy?" Handing him over was the hardest thing I have ever done. He was screaming for me as I left and I just fell to the ground and cried so hard that it came out as screams, just like my baby. I though I would die from heartbreak right then and there. I felt such shame and self hatred. My last memory of him was him crying and reaching out to me and I had to just turn and walk away. This memory haunts me.

The most important thing for me is and was that I never, ever want him to think for a second "why doesn't my mommy want me?" For a very long time, I thought it would be better if I were dead, so he would never have to question that. I felt it was a selfless act. I wanted to save him from any pain and I felt I could protect him with my death. I could only think of him. I came very close many times to end my life.

It's been many years now and he has a wonderful set of parents who have since given him a brother and two sisters. He's happy, well adjusted, and has the best chance at a good life.

Yet, I still have fears that he could think I didn't love him enough, that he was worthless and that I didn't want him. I pray that didn't damage him.

The pain of this, I will live with for the rest of my life. It hurts so bad, but I have learned ways to deal with this. I realized that suicide was not the answer. I can only hope that if he ever seeks me out to ask why, he will understand.

I tell this story because maybe someone will understand that suicide is not 'selfish'. I believe in compassion for people who think about it, try to do it, and those that succeeded I ending their life.

As to the question, what do you say? Well, all I can say is the only thing that got me thru were a handful of people who cared enough to say "you did the right thing and you are a good person" as many times as I needed them to. They said it over and over until I finally believed them.

Thank you for sharing this. Your pain deeply affected me. I applaud you for your bravery in making what you thought was the best decision for your son. I'm grateful that you did not choose suicide. I pray that one day you & your son will be able to connect & have a healthy relationship. It's my opinion that it will bring healing to you both. You are a courageous & deeply caring selfless woman.

 

[cdtracing]

Giant hugs to you

Treating bipolar disorder is so difficult. I'm so sorry that you lost your son. [emoji253]

Thank you.

 

[cdtracing]

I'm going to share a story that very few people know. I'm shaking just writing this.
When I was young I got pregnant. I come from a very religious family and the idea of abortion was never an option. I had my baby boy, but I was just not equipped to care for him. I tried to raise him the best I could, but I just couldn't give him what he deserved. I loved him so much that I gave him up for adoption to a wonderful couple. My family was not supportive and very cruel to me. They said things like "How could you do this to your precious boy?" Handing him over was the hardest thing I have ever done. He was screaming for me as I left and I just fell to the ground and cried so hard that it came out as screams, just like my baby. I though I would die from heartbreak right then and there. I felt such shame and self hatred. My last memory of him was him crying and reaching out to me and I had to just turn and walk away. This memory haunts me.

The most important thing for me is and was that I never, ever want him to think for a second "why doesn't my mommy want me?" For a very long time, I thought it would be better if I were dead, so he would never have to question that. I felt it was a selfless act. I wanted to save him from any pain and I felt I could protect him with my death. I could only think of him. I came very close many times to end my life.

It's been many years now and he has a wonderful set of parents who have since given him a brother and two sisters. He's happy, well adjusted, and has the best chance at a good life.

Yet, I still have fears that he could think I didn't love him enough, that he was worthless and that I didn't want him. I pray that didn't damage him.

The pain of this, I will live with for the rest of my life. It hurts so bad, but I have learned ways to deal with this. I realized that suicide was not the answer. I can only hope that if he ever seeks me out to ask why, he will understand.

I tell this story because maybe someone will understand that suicide is not 'selfish'. I believe in compassion for people who think about it, try to do it, and those that succeeded I ending their life.

As to the question, what do you say? Well, all I can say is the only thing that got me thru were a handful of people who cared enough to say "you did the right thing and you are a good person" as many times as I needed them to. They said it over and over until I finally believed them.

It's very brave of you to share your experience. Thank you. My heart goes out to you. I think you made the best decision you could putting your son's best interest first. I'm sure, one day, you two will connect & you both can heal. Giving up a child is hard to do even in the best of circumstances. I'm glad you had people who cared enough to support you through such a life altering experience. You are a good person & what you did came from a place of love. I'm glad you did not choose suicide. What a remarkable woman you are. Hugs to you.

 

[frick&frack]

Thank you.

I'm a very private person...even more so here. I want to tell you that I know how you feel. I have family members & several friends who are bipolar. I've also lost some of them. My heart breaks for you. When I read what I wrote yesterday, it seemed flat to me. It didn't express what I was feeling probably because I wasn't sharing my personal experience. I thought it might help you to feel understood by knowing that there is a deep empathy behind my words.

 

[cdtracing]

I'm a very private person...even more so here. I want to tell you that I know how you feel. I have family members & several friends who are bipolar. I've also lost some of them. My heart breaks for you. When I read what I wrote yesterday, it seemed flat to me. It didn't express what I was feeling probably because I wasn't sharing my personal experience. I thought it might help you to feel understood by knowing that there is a deep empathy behind my words.

I'm a private person, too, so I understand.