Strategies to overcome purse ban by DHs

It's worth saying again - make your own money. Even if you have joint accounts and expenses, no one can tell you what to do with money that you earn yourself. The couple I work for do not need to have 2 incomes, they each make plenty, but they both say they never wanted to be one of those couples who needs to ask for or give "permission" to buy something. They each bring it in, so they can each spend it! Many mothers of kids in the area I work in do little side things to make some "Mad Money" - reselling on eBay, freelance consulting, selling Avon, etc. BF said (during a convo with friends about having a non-working spouse and the pros/cons) that if you expect to be taken care of by someone else, that person is basically your parent - they control the money, they control you.
 
PHH and I both work, but he doesn't understand my love of bags. I've found the best way to buy bags without upsetting him is to make sure all of our bills are paid for the month, that we've put aside the amount we agreed to put in savings each month, and then put a little extra aside for a bag. When I have enough for the bag I want, I mention it to him. He can't argue that it's financially irresponsible that way, because it isn't. PHH judges what I spend the money on, not the amount. If I were to spend $300 on a bag, he'd complain, but wouldn't care if I spent the same $300 on books.
 
this may seem ridiculous.. but what does dh and hg stand for?

oh, and my advice would also be to earn your own money.. and spend/save as you wish. but i'm not married.. so i guess that's what i'm used to!
 
JaJaJa!!! I do the same thing once in a while- I'll hide some Bbag purchases in the closet and when I take them out, I just say- "This old thing"...."I've had this for a while"...!!!! I love my DH!!! :love:

Haha, I don't have a DH but my parents will sometimes comment "another bag?" when they see me with a new one. My usual response: "oh, haven't you seen this one before?"

But guess that might not work quite so well with a DH given that they share your home and see you on a daily basis!!!
 
My solution is easy. Make more money than he does. Way more. My DH has never and will never put any restrictions on my spending. Bringing in the dough will ***** cooking or cleaning or any other housework (good thing because I don't do any).

The other thing is if I want anything, I don't have to ask permission to buy it or beg for it as a gift. It doesn't matter if he hates purses or anything. I just go make the money and buy it. And the great thing is I never have to lie to him about any of my purchases. I just buy it, go home and show it to him, tell him how much it costs and he says 'whatever makes you happy!'
 
I make more than my dh, and my stance is if bills are paid we have equal rights to play, but we make sure to take turns w/ the large stuff on an occurance by occurance basis. That way nobody feels left out, and everyone is having fun. I'm actually going to put myself on a self imposed ban until december...not looking forward to it, but I want to buy a motorcycle, and it would be nice to have no or next to no monthly payment for it. *Course depending on what the fall lines will hold maybe my ban will be lifted quicker hah!
 
In the course of our marriage who makes more than who has come and gone in stages with him right now definitely on top! That never made a difference in how we view each other's spending though, I can't imagine him saying to me - Well I make more money than you so I can buy what I want, or vice versa. We just don't look at things that way, we also don't have mine and yours, everything is joint, it's always 'our' money, no matter who contributes the most. We have equal say in money matters no matter who is bringing home what, we are partners. As far as buying bags goes - my hubby mainly just wants me to be happy so unless we're in dire financial straights or I was running up credit cards he really doesn't have a problem with it. I pay all the bills and handle the budget so he'll say to me - As long as we have the money to pay for it I don't mind.

Once when we first married I would be shopping for this and that, clothes, stuff for the house etc, and I said to him...Don't you want to use some of this money to spend on something for you? And his reply was...I was just waiting for you to get whatever you needed and then when that was finished it would be my turn. I very gently told him ...Honey, I'm never going to run out of something I'm shopping for so you need to just step in and claim your share! LOL

Linda
 
well, i earn more than DH and he really compliments me if he likes the style etc...as long as i put money aside and i'm not in any financial crisis, it's ok with him (i do hide a couple of things from him, i take out of the closet a few weeks later...and if he asks, well, "it's something i got a long time ago..."white lie??)
 
BF said (during a convo with friends about having a non-working spouse and the pros/cons) that if you expect to be taken care of by someone else, that person is basically your parent - they control the money, they control you.

I disagree. "Taking care" doesn't have to be purely financial. My husband may take care of me financially, but staying at home means I take care of him in every other aspect of his life - his health and wellbeing, errands he doesn't have time to run because of his career, etc. No one is anybody's parent, and no one controls anybody else. It's a partnership.