Stay-at-home Mother's Work Is Worth $138,095 A Year
- Thread starter Prada's Meadow
- Start date
This is YOUR opinion and you are entitled to it but the bottom line is that Caxe (and I hate to debate about someone who isn't here with another person in the first place..but)....is not a Stepparent. She is just helping her boyfriend with HIS child. She has not adopted a child---like say, Brad Pitt--when she does that then she can call that child hers. When she is married then she can call that child her stepchild ( btw She isn't the one who called the child her stepchild anyway to begin with).
If I were single and dating a man with a child--I'm not that child's stepmother. I have no rights whatsoever over that child. Period. I may help him out with the child but I have no obligation to do so. I don't have to do anything for that child. If I do so--it's voluntary. Likewise, it would be the same if I were single and had children and someone was dating me. That person has no authority over my children and isn't obligated to do anything for them. In fact, I wouldn't even allow someone I'm just dating to be close with my children in such a way. That's just me.
This is really simple. She's not a Stepparent and it's not the same as raising your own kids or being a true LEGAL (through adoption) or marriage parent or Stepparent. There are people out here..grandparents, aunts, uncles, whoever...who are actually raising kids that are not theirs FULL TIME. Helping to care for your boyfriends kid is not the same..especially when that child has a living mother. Everyone dating someone with a kid is a stepparent? I guarantee you that most would say they are not. It is not the same. There should be no argument with this fact.
I agree that a person who isn't a biological parent has no obligation to a child that belongs to their S/O, however its not right to generalize and think that every persons relationship, situation is the same when it comes to dating and how the kids are involved.
Every situation is different, and people date on different levels. Just because they haven't taken that walk down the aisle it doesn't mean they aren't going too. I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend who has a 5 yr old for several years, they (she and her boyfriend) do everything for this child, and yes the childs mother is alive and well.
My friend picks the child up from school, buys him what he needs, goes to parent meetings with her boyfriend and has taken on numerous other duties because she loves the child. The mother on the other hand acts as if she could care less about the childs well being. You say she has no rights etc. and legally you are right, but remember the same could be said about aunts, uncles, and even grandparents. Blood ties do not always ***** love
^^ I may sound a little harsh and passionate about my position in my 'typing' (that's just me..even IRL...lol), but trust me, I respect everyones opinion
^^ Not going there...lol. I'm done here. Neither of our opinions is going to change right? It's no big deal. We can just agree to disagree on this issue really.
I'm right. I'm right. I'm right!!!
*holds breath and jumps up and down*
Thanks Fab!
And I stated many times how I wasn't even REFERRING to ANYONE on this forum, but specifically to people I know. Now, I'm sorry all the non-working moms on this forum got offended, but my post wasn't about THEM and the attacks were ridiculous. I stated my opinion as I see it, and I have every right to do so.
Thanks, Charles. I tell you...some people just get so offended, and they don't even know what they're getting mad at!
Having given birth to a child doesn't make you any more qualified to provide quality care than anyone else. I do way more for my BF's child than the boy's own mother does.
Additionally, it's absurd to think that one can't know about parenting unless they've parented a small child? Give me a break.
I work in social services, and I recruit and train foster parents. And the kindhearted people willing to take in children and take care of them do more for those children than many of their parents EVER did. Not all of my foster parents have small children, whether they are their birth children or foster children. But the ones who provide care for teens are JUST AS MUCH PARENTS as the ones who provide for small children. And you know what? Some of my foster parents who NEVER had any biological children provide better care than some of my foster parents who HAVE had children. So I don't see how anyone thinks that to "parent" you have to be married to the person who has the child (as I've been discredited for not being a "stepmom" because I'm not married to my BF even though I help with his child). And everyone knows that to parent the children don't even have to be yours. Because people foster and adopt every day, and they're no less of a parent than someone who has given birth. And the age of the child is irrelevant to the quality of care provided as well as the provider's status as a parent.
And the argument that one must have children to know about parenting doesn't hold water. If that statement were true, I couldn't provide parenting classes and or training to potential foster parents, as I wouldn't have been hired in the first place due to the fact that I've never bred.
The following two salient points below are critical, yet are completely disregarded by the dissenting opinions expressed in this thread (bold mine):
Newgrlonthebloc: There are people out here..grandparents, aunts, uncles, whoever...who are actually raising kids that are not theirs FULL TIME. Helping to care for your boyfriends kid is not the same..especially when that child has a living mother.
Mh21: "However, I truly believe unless a woman lives with a small child who needs to be fed, bathed, diapered/potty trained, entertained, educated and generally constantly needs to be watched, it's just not the same as assisting"
After the birth of my first child, I continued to work full-time from 8:00 AM - 4:30 PM, in an office doing mentally stimulating work, wearing chic business suits, dressy shoes and carrying wonderful handbags. I was surrounded by nice co-workers whom I'd befriended and enjoyed having adult conversations with at lunchtime. I received good feedback from my civilized boss for a job well done and I also received monetary compensation for my work plus I felt great accomplishing one project after another. At the end of the day, I left my work at the office. I enjoyed the ability to listen to my own thoughts during my commutes to and from work, or even listen to music that I liked.
Meanwhile, my baby was in daycare from 7:00 AM until 5:30 PM. The caregivers at daycare were responsible for feeding my baby two meals, two snacks, change at least six diapers, teach lessons, sing songs, read books, play with toys, clean up messes, keep my child safe from hazards, teach my child to play nicely and share, as well as other miscellaneous duties assigned (including hugs). For 10 and 1/2 or more hours, someone else cared for my baby's physical, cognitive and emotional needs.
I'd reunite with my baby at 5:30 and for the next five hours, I'd play with baby, prep dinner, feed my family, then my dh and I would share in bathing, playing with baby, reading books, putting baby to bed, then cleaning up the kitchen, doing the dishes, completing laundry and other chores until our 10:30 bedtime. On weekends, my dh and I would clean every room of the house, complete lawncare and gardening tasks, do more laundry, shop for groceries... all at the expense of having only little if any quality family time together.
When I worked in an office full-time, we had more money, and as a professional woman I was more balanced and fulfilled with the intellectual work I did, and enjoyed having the opportunity to accomplish new projects, climb ladders, enjoy camaraderie with co-workers, and be rewarded by upper management for jobs well done. But yet I felt deep down in my heart that my family life was suffering because there just wasn't enough quality time spent together. And I missed a lot of my first child's milestones. The maternal side of me was feeling cheated by the professional side.
So when my first child turned 2, I was unexpectedly laid off from my job. After much discussion over what would be best for our family, my dh and I decided it would be best for me to stay home as a full-time mom: I would care for our rambunctious toddler's physical, emotional and academic needs from 6:30 AM to 5:30 (11 hrs) and also from 5:30 to 8:30, with the help of dh when he arrived home from work at 7 PM. Instead of wasting weekends on chores and errands, I was now responsible for taking care of all of the household chores - dusting, vacuuming, mopping, scrubbing bathrooms, laundry, picking up toys, lawn and garden care, grocery shopping, meal planning and preparation, pet care, as well as caring for a child who's very physically and emotionally demanding (because toddlers and preschoolers play with their primary caregiver, not by themselves or with their peers). I sacrificed my own personal and professional goals to focus solely on my role as a mother, and to increase the amount of quality family time on weekends. And when my first child turned three, I had another baby who was as equally rambunctious as my first child. Throw in breast-feeding my second child for one full year and dealing with the pain and complications involved with nursing... it's tough but a true labor of love.
I write all this to drive several points home to those who expressed dissenting opinions with regard to stay-at-home-moms. In sum: the grass ain't always greener on the other side! Weeds abound for moms who work in offices, as well as for moms who work by raising children and attending to the grunt work at home.
That's right. Sahms enjoy raising their own children and engaging in play time BUT most of the day is spent - for lack of a better descriptor - SLAVING OVER GRUNT WORK: thankless, stressful and menial tasks such as feeding, diapering, nursing, washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning floors, scrubbing toilets, grocery shopping, averting disasters, breaking up sibling rivalries, constantly trying to maintain safety, entertaining little ones (who are angels one minute then demanding and tantrum-throwing tyrants the next minute)... and YES, for most definitely 13 or more hours a day!
This work is not intellectually stimulating, sahms are not rewarded monetarily, and in fact the quality of living decreases for a sahm in the sense that they dress in sweats and t-shirts and barely have time to brush teeth in the morning, nevermind shower, but also because sahms are often isolated from adults despite the fallacy that sahms are socializing and having fun playdates all the time. Maybe occasionally, but for the most part, sahms are doing endless and MINDLESS work, rather than using their brains to complete finite projects like when she worked in an office.
Having said all this, I am both blessed and happy to be a sahm, despite sacrificing my sense of self for the sake of the well-being of my entire family. It's all worth it. And it's the best job in the world - caring for the loves of your life: dh and the babies you brought into this world! But once my youngest is in full-day 1st grade, I'm headed back to professional office work!!!
Newgrlonthebloc: There are people out here..grandparents, aunts, uncles, whoever...who are actually raising kids that are not theirs FULL TIME. Helping to care for your boyfriends kid is not the same..especially when that child has a living mother.
Mh21: "However, I truly believe unless a woman lives with a small child who needs to be fed, bathed, diapered/potty trained, entertained, educated and generally constantly needs to be watched, it's just not the same as assisting"
After the birth of my first child, I continued to work full-time from 8:00 AM - 4:30 PM, in an office doing mentally stimulating work, wearing chic business suits, dressy shoes and carrying wonderful handbags. I was surrounded by nice co-workers whom I'd befriended and enjoyed having adult conversations with at lunchtime. I received good feedback from my civilized boss for a job well done and I also received monetary compensation for my work plus I felt great accomplishing one project after another. At the end of the day, I left my work at the office. I enjoyed the ability to listen to my own thoughts during my commutes to and from work, or even listen to music that I liked.
Meanwhile, my baby was in daycare from 7:00 AM until 5:30 PM. The caregivers at daycare were responsible for feeding my baby two meals, two snacks, change at least six diapers, teach lessons, sing songs, read books, play with toys, clean up messes, keep my child safe from hazards, teach my child to play nicely and share, as well as other miscellaneous duties assigned (including hugs). For 10 and 1/2 or more hours, someone else cared for my baby's physical, cognitive and emotional needs.
I'd reunite with my baby at 5:30 and for the next five hours, I'd play with baby, prep dinner, feed my family, then my dh and I would share in bathing, playing with baby, reading books, putting baby to bed, then cleaning up the kitchen, doing the dishes, completing laundry and other chores until our 10:30 bedtime. On weekends, my dh and I would clean every room of the house, complete lawncare and gardening tasks, do more laundry, shop for groceries... all at the expense of having only little if any quality family time together.
When I worked in an office full-time, we had more money, and as a professional woman I was more balanced and fulfilled with the intellectual work I did, and enjoyed having the opportunity to accomplish new projects, climb ladders, enjoy camaraderie with co-workers, and be rewarded by upper management for jobs well done. But yet I felt deep down in my heart that my family life was suffering because there just wasn't enough quality time spent together. And I missed a lot of my first child's milestones. The maternal side of me was feeling cheated by the professional side.
So when my first child turned 2, I was unexpectedly laid off from my job. After much discussion over what would be best for our family, my dh and I decided it would be best for me to stay home as a full-time mom: I would care for our rambunctious toddler's physical, emotional and academic needs from 6:30 AM to 5:30 (11 hrs) and also from 5:30 to 8:30, with the help of dh when he arrived home from work at 7 PM. Instead of wasting weekends on chores and errands, I was now responsible for taking care of all of the household chores - dusting, vacuuming, mopping, scrubbing bathrooms, laundry, picking up toys, lawn and garden care, grocery shopping, meal planning and preparation, pet care, as well as caring for a child who's very physically and emotionally demanding (because toddlers and preschoolers play with their primary caregiver, not by themselves or with their peers). I sacrificed my own personal and professional goals to focus solely on my role as a mother, and to increase the amount of quality family time on weekends. And when my first child turned three, I had another baby who was as equally rambunctious as my first child. Throw in breast-feeding my second child for one full year and dealing with the pain and complications involved with nursing... it's tough but a true labor of love.
I write all this to drive several points home to those who expressed dissenting opinions with regard to stay-at-home-moms. In sum: the grass ain't always greener on the other side! Weeds abound for moms who work in offices, as well as for moms who work by raising children and attending to the grunt work at home.
That's right. Sahms enjoy raising their own children and engaging in play time BUT most of the day is spent - for lack of a better descriptor - SLAVING OVER GRUNT WORK: thankless, stressful and menial tasks such as feeding, diapering, nursing, washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning floors, scrubbing toilets, grocery shopping, averting disasters, breaking up sibling rivalries, constantly trying to maintain safety, entertaining little ones (who are angels one minute then demanding and tantrum-throwing tyrants the next minute)... and YES, for most definitely 13 or more hours a day!
This work is not intellectually stimulating, sahms are not rewarded monetarily, and in fact the quality of living decreases for a sahm in the sense that they dress in sweats and t-shirts and barely have time to brush teeth in the morning, nevermind shower, but also because sahms are often isolated from adults despite the fallacy that sahms are socializing and having fun playdates all the time. Maybe occasionally, but for the most part, sahms are doing endless and MINDLESS work, rather than using their brains to complete finite projects like when she worked in an office.
Having said all this, I am both blessed and happy to be a sahm, despite sacrificing my sense of self for the sake of the well-being of my entire family. It's all worth it. And it's the best job in the world - caring for the loves of your life: dh and the babies you brought into this world! But once my youngest is in full-day 1st grade, I'm headed back to professional office work!!!
^^That was an excellent post!! I do want to add though that even though it is alot of repetitive work, it is gratifying, after all you are making and keeping your home beautiful, educating your kids (everyone homeschools---kids get there first life lessons and learning at home), and making life good for you family. It can be a very rewarding job.
This is proably a totally pointless post and really has nothing to do with anything but the book "you can be a happy housewife" or something like that (not an endorsement because some things in it could be alittle controversial here) had a really important suggestion regarding those sweats....don't do it everyday! A pair of jeans, cute t-shirt and great shoes will look pulled together and are just as comfortable. The author made a good point about how if your husband is in an office with dressed-up woman all day and comes home to you looking like you rolled out of bed...while I hope it wouldn't matter to him...I personally want him to see me looking put together and like I am handling my life. I thing juicy sweats are ok though! I know someone is going to think I am an idiot here now but just in case I figured I would pass along her advice.
Totally love that article........
I should get paid that for sure...he he...
It really is the hardest job Ive ever had....but the thing that makes me sad about it is..the fact that its not looked at as glamrous or as important as other jobs at times....like it comes sooo natural to women or that its not as important as the bread winner in the family......*sigh*....
I should get paid that for sure...he he...
It really is the hardest job Ive ever had....but the thing that makes me sad about it is..the fact that its not looked at as glamrous or as important as other jobs at times....like it comes sooo natural to women or that its not as important as the bread winner in the family......*sigh*....
Glad you liked my post, Kimmi! Wow - you're a sahm with 6 kids and an elderly grandma??? That's a LOT of work! You must have a big heart and lots of patience. I know that would be way over my threshold! Well, hope you have a wonderful mother's day - will it be a no-cooking or cleaning day? That's my only wish for mother's day - a vacation day from cooking and cleaning and of course... sleeping in!!! Ahhh....
My mom has always reminded me of this and I do see how it's possible. She took care of my brother (who is 15 years older than me) up until he moved out at 20, then me, and a few years ago my grandma (her mom) moved down here and my mom was driving me to high school in the morning, then coming home to take care of my grandma, take her to the doctor, etc. And on top of that, we had an elderly dog who needed a lot of care. Plus, my mom does all the bookeeping, my dad wouldn't know where to start in that and it's true. He opens the mail and then just gives it to my mom to take care of.
So I definitely do see how this is possible.
So I definitely do see how this is possible.
Kimmi, you're so right about looking presentable and maybe even pretty for hubby's arrival home from work! Excellent point! I just got thru a long period of major depression about 2 months ago (which began with a 1 and 1/2 year period of post-partum blues after my 2nd was born). Lately, I have been dressing nicer (had to buy new clothes, shoes and of course... handbags!!!) and I'm even putting on makeup and perfume! I know he loves me no matter how I look, but I do want to slightly resemble that hot number he married 7 years ago... me!
Altho my change in personal hygiene has caught my hubby off guard (he was geting used to the glasses, no makeup and ratty sweats all the time!) he's liking it a lot more since he know it's because I feel better about myself. I also work part-time about 15-20 hrs. a week and volunteer about 2 hours a week at the school, so it's nice to get out of the house once in awhile. I realize that in addition to my sahm responsibilities, I need to also use my brain in order to feel balanced.