Spying On Your Kids

#16
Excellent Thread! I honestly don't think my mom spied on me or anything but she was SUPER strict!!! I wasn't allowed to stay the night at anyone's house unless she knew their parents (and not just had she met them...but she had to KNOW them and their behavior, beliefs, etc.). But I think she wasn't strict enough! LOL I still managed to get into trouble.

I plan to restrict my children's television (I'm a TV addict and have been since I was young) severely as well as their internet usage. My 7 year old cousin was online searching for "single 7-10 year old boys"!!!!! My aunt about had a heart attack.

If they keep a diary I doubt I'd snoop through it though...unless I thought they were doing drugs or something (God forbid!). I don't think my mom read mine and I never tried hiding it or anything.

We're trying to have a kid right now so I guess one of these days I'll find out if I stick to any of this. LOL But I believe that it's "my house, my rules" and that they are 100% my responsibility as was mentioned earlier. :smile:
 
#17
why does everyone hate myspace?
yes, i am a kid, and you've probably heard this before, but it DOES give me a way to keep in touch with all of my friends. The stupid ones who use it shouldn't really determine if YOUR kid should be so restricted. Monitoring that is like eavesdropping phonecalls, etc. it's kids talking to kids. don't get me wrong, there are weirdos and creeps, but if you raise them right, they should know how to avoid it, IMHO. :yes:

But as times get crazier, i agree kids need to be watched better :smile: When i have kids, i think i'll be pretty lenient about computer usage, but with tv i'll be strict. Yet, i wouldn't use parental controls because i feel it's up to the parent to monitor their kid. (i'd probably block porn, though :yucky: )

:heart:
 
#18
My daughter is almost 15 and starting high school this year. She has her own computer but it's right next to mine and my hubby's -- all in the same room. She does not get one in her own room. We watch all the time -- we totally trust her but we also know what's she's doing; who she's talking to and what she is reading. She has msn and we set it up to record all conversations and occasionally I will read them. She knows it and has no problem.

We let her start a myspace this past week -- and we are monitoring that, too.

As far as TV, she doesn't even like to watch TV, so that's not even a concern -- but we do have certain channels locked and any movie that is rated R. It's been that way for years.

Until she is 18, we'll continue to monitor things... I guess I don't really think of it as watching her 24/7 -- but just that we are aware at all times of whats going on.
 
#19
I think it's a really good idea to know what's going on in your child's life. Do they need to have a tracking device implanted in them? That's a little too extreme. Should the library tell the kids' parents what books they're checking out? Probably not.

I never had the internet when I was younger. There was never a V-Chip on my television. My parents did check out the movies I was going to see. (They bought my movie tickets to R-rated movies, so they must've approved them. Although, I wasn't the type of person to see The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.)

When I have kids, I figure if they watch something and it freaks them out, they'll know not to watch it again. Would I have a problem with my 13 year old seeing The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Yes, I would. Would I have a problem with my 13 year old seeing American Pie? No. A lot of movies are rated R because they exceeded the number of curse words. (Or they say the f-word a lot.) As long as they know not to pepper their conversations with f-this, f-that, f-ing this, f-ing that then them seeing a movie with curse words doesn't bother me.

There was an article in the Boston Globe a while ago about how more and more young people pepper their vernacular with profanities. There was a study that said that most of them didn't pick up their language from popular culture.
 
#20
My dad swore around me. No f-word but he did say the s-word and g.d. (and j.c. when he was really upset) and I don't pepper my language with profanities. I don't see the point. If I'm really mad or if I want to drive a point home, then I'll use one but I choose not to swear like a sailor.
 
#21
caitlin1214 said:
I think it's a really good idea to know what's going on in your child's life. Do they need to have a tracking device implanted in them? That's a little too extreme. Should the library tell the kids' parents what books they're checking out? Probably not.

I never had the internet when I was younger. There was never a V-Chip on my television. My parents did check out the movies I was going to see. (They bought my movie tickets to R-rated movies, so they must've approved them.
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Caitlin, the problem today is there is SO much garbage/porn/danger out there in both cyberspace and the television networks that kids should never be exposed to. Kids need boundries, they need to know Mom and Dad are watching them. When I was a kid, the worst thing out there was the boys getting hold of Playboy, cigarettes and booze. Drugs came later, but relative to what kids are exposed today, our parents had a much easier time protecting us from ourselves.

I have to really emphasize here that most parents "spy" on their children because they love them, they want to keep them safe, and they know that kids just don't have the emotional/intellectual maturity to self-monitor themselves. Kids are gullible and trusting. If we as parents don't keep an eye on them, we aren't doing our jobs!
 
#22
Of course you're supposed to keep an eye on your children. :yes: I'm not negating that. But what would you say would be considered too much?

I agree, there's so much more stuff you have to watch out for. If my child had myspace, if they're under 18, I'd want them to make their page private, so only their friends could see it. I'd tell them certain things I'd expect on their page (like no real names or addresses.) I wouldn't read their blogs, but I'd want those to be kept private, too. (There's an option for blogs where only the person who wrote it can see it.) I might do random checks, but not every day, and they'd be spread out.

I'd say reading their diary would be too much. Like I said, it's important to know what they're up to and what they're doing, but there's such a thing as letting them have their privacy.
 
#23
caitlin1214 said:
I'd say reading their diary would be too much. Like I said, it's important to know what they're up to and what they're doing, but there's such a thing as letting them have their privacy.
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I'm not even sure I agree with that. If Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold's parents had read their diaries/journals, we might not have seen the horror of the Columbine massacre. Sure, most kids' diaries are harmless, but again, the world isn't what it used to be.


A journal found in Harris's bedroom contained almost every detail that the boys planned to follow after 5:00 a.m. on April 20, 1999, a date that may or may not have been deliberately chosen to coincide with the 110th birthday of Adolf Hitler. In the perpetrators' journal entries, the pair often wrote about events such as the Oklahoma City bombing, Waco, and other tragic events that occurred on April 19, including blurbs and notes on how they wished to "outdo" these events, especially Oklahoma City.
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#24
Prada Psycho said:
I'm not even sure I agree with that. If Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold's parents had read their diaries/journals, we might not have seen the horror of the Columbine massacre. Sure, most kids' diaries are harmless, but again, the world isn't what it used to be.
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I think Harris and Kleibold's parents ignored all of the signs. Kids that are that disturbed do not keep that only in a journal, there are outward signs, too. I will never snoop in my child's things(my parents never snooped, and they plainly told us they were against it). I need to trust that we have instilled in them proper values and maintain a dialogue where children can come to us at any time for any reason. My parents raised us like this and we are all responsible, free thinking adults now. I was never told not to watch a certain program or listen to certain music, and I wouldn't tell my kids either (of course, no porn watching for a minor). As for myspace, they will know the pitfalls of such a site, not only the dangers, but also the fact that acting immature and posting evidence of it on the net may cost you a job some day.
 
#26
My reply is based on my own experience of my mom giving me a diary for my 12th birthday and then a few months later, reading it w/o my consent! I felt so violated and humiliated because she would tease me about some of the things that I wrote (about boys of course). Since then, I have NEVER ever been able to keep a journal because this just broke my trust with anyone. She has since passed away so there was never any resolution about it which is sad.
That said, if I ever have kids, I would try my best to instill in them good character like my parents did with us (for the most part!) I would try to have open communication with them (unlike my parents) - like I do with my nieces and nephews - and let them know that while I trust them, I still won't sit by idly if I see them delving into something questionable. I would talk to them about it and ask what their fascination is with whatever looks sketchy. I would remind them that there are consequences to every action in life. I would teach them that you only get so many "get out of jail free" cards from me and that there would come a point in life they'll be on their own. I would not spy unless I thought they were into some kind of over the top thing like the Nazi party or child porn or something like that - KWIM? I would take an interest in their interests. I know this sounds very idealistic but it is just a basic foundation I would at least try to build. I know kids can be obstinate and are going to keep stuff from you (hell, I did!) but the more open you are with them the better your chances of building that trust. I know I would have wanted that from my mom - she was a closed book! I would have told her anything if she was more open with me.
 
#27
Prada Psycho said:
And this is the point to this entire thread: if the parents had been watching their kids they would have seen this a mile off.
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Yes but the point I'm trying to make is that those poor kids were screaming for help - not always in their diary but in their everyday life. You don't need to read a diary to know a child is troubled, just look for the outward signs. That is where the Kleibolds and Harrises went wrong, they failed to see signs of trouble in the behavior of the children(the anger and hostility inside these two young men must have been quite palpable).

On a side note - my friend's Mom was always spying, looking through her things. She hates her mother and resents her to this day for all of her meddling. I think as a parent that it's more productive to keep the lines of communication open - many who spy on kids cannot discuss the sensitive issues with the kids, so they snoop. I can't do this, the last thing I need is not to be trusted by my own children.
 
#28
bagnshoofetish said:
My reply is based on my own experience of my mom giving me a diary for my 12th birthday and then a few months later, reading it w/o my consent! I felt so violated and humiliated because she would tease me about some of the things that I wrote (about boys of course). Since then, I have NEVER ever been able to keep a journal because this just broke my trust with anyone. She has since passed away so there was never any resolution about it which is sad.
That said, if I ever have kids, I would try my best to instill in them good character like my parents did with us (for the most part!) I would try to have open communication with them (unlike my parents) - like I do with my nieces and nephews - and let them know that while I trust them, I still won't sit by idly if I see them delving into something questionable. I would talk to them about it and ask what their fascination is with whatever looks sketchy. I would remind them that there are consequences to every action in life. I would teach them that you only get so many "get out of jail free" cards from me and that there would come a point in life they'll be on their own. I would not spy unless I thought they were into some kind of over the top thing like the Nazi party or child porn or something like that - KWIM? I would take an interest in their interests. I know this sounds very idealistic but it is just a basic foundation I would at least try to build. I know kids can be obstinate and are going to keep stuff from you (hell, I did!) but the more open you are with them the better your chances of building that trust. I know I would have wanted that from my mom - she was a closed book! I would have told her anything if she was more open with me.
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Mom, is that you? I swear, this sounds so much like my own parents' philosophy (without the diary and non-communication issues). This is really what it's all about - teaching the child the proper values so that they can make informed decisions about what they do, and understand the consequences of their decision. You will be a wonderful parent if you decide to have kids, and your kids will not grow up to resent you!
 
#29
chiara said:
I think as a parent that it's more productive to keep the lines of communication open - many who spy on kids cannot discuss the sensitive issues with the kids, so they snoop.
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I agree that in an ideal world communication is key, but teenagers in particular aren't much on talking openly to their parents. I'm speaking as both the mother of a 20 year old and being a "reformed" teenager myself. Kids start clamming up around age 13+/- no matter what sort of solid, open communication you as a parent have set for your children. My daughter was raised from day one with "No topic barred" as the basis of our communication. Works great until they hit puberty and the silence begins.

Parenting is the hardest job on the planet. You do what you have to do in the hopes of turning out a decent world citizen. If your kids resent some of your methods, then so be it. I was given the greatest gift a parent can receive from their child the day that my daughter said, "I really hated you for being so strict with me when I was growing up, but now I understand why you did what you did. I want to thank you for that."

I still get chills when I replay her saying that to me. :crybaby:
 
#30
My mom never monitored what I did online and I turned out okay. But then again I wasn't a little kid when I first got the internet. I was a teenager so that is different. :yes: I don't think I will be too overprotective of my kids, they will end up too... dependent. A lot of kids these days are way too dependent. I'm just saying....


P.S. I DO think that there should be blocks against porn though. I just mean I'm not going to be a snoop.
 
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