Son’s school play

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  1. My girlfriends and I had planned a girls trip at the end of May to celebrate us turning 40 this year. We are just going away for the weekend to the hamptons in NY (about 2 1/2hrs away). My 5 year old is in kindergarten and wanted to do his school musical - he will be an extra in it and they will be singing some songs. We found out a few weeks ago that his musical falls on the weekend I’m going away. I feel SO guilty that I’m going to miss it. I’m debating whether or not I should go to the play on Friday night. We will be going on the trip Friday morning until Sunday. The play begins at 7:30 so if I go I probably won’t leave until 9 or 10:00 and get there to the Hampton’s after midnight. Help! Should I go and miss the first day of our trip? I’m feeling such mom guilt about missing the play.
  2. I understand you and I would have been the same... Now my kids are teenagers I look at all that useless anxiety and struggling differently and I wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much energy feeling guilty and putting myself last.... You sound like the kind of mom who is present and this is an exception. In the future, your son will remember many things about you. Your presence in that play is not likely to be one of them. As long as the father or other family members are there he will be fine. Have someone film his intervention and watch it together afterwards. No point making this special weekend a source of stress. Being a happy and relaxed mom is one of the best things we can do for our kids.
  3. #3 May 13, 2019
    Last edited: May 13, 2019
    Yes, you should, for both you and him. The guilt could easily persist and interfere with your pleasure; if you miss a half day of the gathering it's not that big a deal; and in his mind his role can be a big deal, even if objectively that isn't true. You have a very short window of putting his emotional needs first, and that would be now.

    You asked, you may not like this answer, but that's where I land on it.
  4. This.
    Now is the time to be sending the messages you want to send to your kid.
    fabuleux and swee7bebe like this.
  5. No, I’m totally ok with your answer! Thank you for that. My husband thinks I should just go on my trip but again, I feel really guilty at the thought of missing the play.
  6. Parent of an elementary school student and working business person who travels a lot for work here. I think you should go on your trip. There will be *tons* of opportunities to watch your child in school performances, plays, music shows, sporting events, etc. Explain it to him that you are so sad to miss it but you can't wait to see it and talk with him when you're back. Don't make it a big drama/deal with him - kids that young feed off how things are presented to them. If you make it a big deal, he'll make it a big deal, KWIM?

    Have his father or another family member video his parts, and watch it with him after you're back, making sure to compliment him how wonderful he was in the play, and how you can't wait until next time to see him.
  7. n m
  8. You can always have girl trips. Your 5 yo son won't always be in a play. I say just miss the first night of the trip and have the best of both worlds.
    fabuleux, swee7bebe and doni like this.
  9. #9 May 13, 2019
    Last edited: May 13, 2019
    Not so sure about this. The number one regret of women who are dying is not having spent enough time with their friends... This is not any trip, it is an occasion to celebrate 40 with some of the people that have accompanied you on the way. You will not become 40 again. You have a supportive husband. Your kid won’t be alone, he will be with his dad and he will be fine. Better than fine as he won’t have the burden of anyone’s guilt on him.

    But ultimately you should do as you feel. No point going if you are going to suffer. As I said, I have been there before. I don’t know why us women do this to ourselves...
  10. I understand both sides but think you should go on your trip.
  11. I have kids, I would stay and go to the play. The great part is that you can do both! Just go on the trip late and arrive that night. Seems like the ideal solution? My oldest is a sensitive boy and I know it would break his heart if I was not there, so easy decision for me personally. You know your children, so I would do what I think is best!
  12. I think you should go on your trip. It is celebrating something very special for you and your friends. Yeah, your kid's play is important but YOU are important too. There will be other plays and if your spouse supports it, I think you should go.
  13. We make choices based on what has the greater value to us at any given moment.
    OP, you just need to decide what that is for yourself and not base it on what the majority here would do or on who makes the better argument. This is your life. These are all your loved ones. Go with your heart and be good with it either way.
  14. I think you should attend your son's play.
    He may not be able or willing to articulate that, but I am pretty sure that a 5 year old would value his mother's presence in the house while he steps on stage. To me, that's really a no-brainer.
  15. You can tell whether this play is important to your son. If he is talking about it all the time, go to it and you won't regret it. If he's acting like it's just something he has to do for school then it's fine to skip it.

    You never know which moments a child will remember. Sometimes even weird, seemingly insignificant things can matter very much to them.