so pissed at bf!

S

sara

O.G.
Mar 23, 2006
359
11
#1
i'm fuming with anger right now. :cursing: my bf and i have been doing the long distance thing after we graduated from college 2 years ago. he's living in the south because of work and i'm in the tri-state area because i'm applying to grad school. we don't see each other very often... but since i am more flexible, i did most of the traveling in the past. i was okay with doing most of the traveling, but lately i've been getting irritated over the sitation. he doesn't even offer to visit and expects me to do all the traveling!!! (we split the cost.) what really drove me over the edge was for xmas this year, he said that he's going to buy me a plane ticket so i can visit him at his parents house while he's there for his family holiday thing. while i enjoy seeing him, this is NOT a gift for me. it's a gift for us at his convinence. on top of that, i don't like going to his parents house because i don't want to see his relatives. (i really don't like meeting family members. it's just my thing.) i told him that i won't go on the plane if he buys me the ticket but he really believes that i will use it if he buys it for me?!? he's seriously just going to waste his money because i won't go. i'm even thinking about ending our almost 6 year relationship because i can't believe he has the audacity to get me something i am really against. (i was telling him on the phone for over 5 minutes "i won't go" to which he responded "yes you will.") i guess the bottom line is, i'm sick of doing all the traveling, i REALLY don't want to see his family/relatives, and he's trying to make me do something i really don't want to. am i overreacting? will he always be like this? sorry for the long rant, i just needed to let it out. :sad:
 
#2
The "audacity" to want you to meet his family?... I would be pretty hurt if my SO thought it wasn't all that important (or even actively disliked meeting family, as is "your thing") to meet my family.

You did say your schedule is more flexible. If you're sick of doing the traveling but his schedule is not flexible, then it seems the only alternative is for you two not to see each other.
 
#3
the audacity to make me visit him while he's at his parent's house when i don't want to be there. i guess deviate from the norm when it comes to meeting relatives. i really don't like meeting them. i don't even like to see my own.

my schedule is more flexible but not by much. when i visit him it's for 2-3 days during the weekend. he can visit me for those 2 days during the weekend as well. he works strictly 40 hours a week monday - friday.
 
#5
I'm not even gonna join the debate about visiting his relatives. I'll just offer my wisdom that comes with a 20+ year relationship: yes, you really do marry his family!
 
#6
Sounds like a very one-sided relationship. It's convenient for him, but not for you. He insists you will do what he wants. Very little compromise here. No advice for you, but do you want to be with someone whose relatives you don't want to be around? It's usually part of the package.
 
#8
i still couldn't get over that part where you said no you won't

and he responds with

yes you will?!

is he even listening? i think that he just wants everyone he loves together for xmas but reading what you've written it doesn't look like he asked, so much as expected, and didn't bother to really talk it out.

g'luck with the tug of war! but i don't think that something like this could end a six year relationship unless (as you've hinted) there has been something that led up to this boiling point.
 
#9
To me, it sounds like you've done all the traveling in the past and he is just used to it. Have you told him how you felt about this?

I agree with boxermom - this relationship does sound a little one-sided..
 
#10
thank you for the replies everyone!

we have spoken about the fact that i do most of the traveling (like 90%) and he just replies, "but you're more flexible" and simply expects it from me.

i don't have a problem with his parents. infact, i like them because i they are good people. i have a fear of meeting his relatives. i'm sure they are good people... but i just don't want to meet them yet. what angers me the most is that his gift for me is to travel (again) and meet people i do not want to meet. what kind of "gift" is this? i know i will have to meet them sooner or later, but not right now. i guess my fear of meeting his relatives steams from not liking mine. i love my immediate family (mom, dad, sib); i can't even fathom living without them. but my relatives... let's just say i prefer not to see them. if he's not going to compromise with the visits, why should i compromise and see his people? i suppose i'm being too eye-for-an-eye, but it's something i really really don't want to do.
 
#11
It sounds like a one-sided relationship. I've been in that. The bf will only travel if he has something to do (like an interview) in my city, otherwise I have to go to him (but actually I paid for my transportation...). He didn't even have a job part of the time, he was like a playboy living in New York hanging out with models....

You should tell him how you feel. It should be more even.
 
#13
i totally understand. even tho my bfs family is cool and stuff. id rather not spend my whole holidays with them.. i did the long dist myself (4-5 years). IMO he should work out some sort of thing to do with u exclusively....and then meet the parents and relatives together. Its hard enough to be apart----and when he finally gets time away from work---i understand that you would want to do sth different than go to his house.
 
#14
I really understand where you are coming from about meeting all his relatives. I've come to notice that people who have really close extended families don't realize how people who have weaker extended familial bonds feel about family gatherings. I, myself, do not have a close extended family, so meeting my boyfriend's extended was a huge deal for me. Like I said, those who are close with theirs don't understand and think you are overreacting. Experiences with your own extended family can help add to the phobia; I know it did with me. :sad:
 
#15
boxermom said:
Sounds like a very one-sided relationship. It's convenient for him, but not for you. He insists you will do what he wants. Very little compromise here. No advice for you, but do you want to be with someone whose relatives you don't want to be around? It's usually part of the package.
Click to expand...

yep I agree:yes:
 
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