Single People Support Group

[Purses]

OK, I'll dive in!

I'm probably the senior citizen of this thread so far, lol. Big 4-0, no kids, never been married or even engaged. I recently split with my BF after almost two years together. It's been extremely painful but with each day I know more and more I made the right decision. I truly thought he was the "one", our families liked eachother, etc etc. It was serious and we were deeply in love. It also was verbally abusive. Not good.

I am very independent, probably to a fault. Sure I need help with fixing things around my house, car, moving furniture, lol. I take good care of myself, look much younger than I am and make a good living (OK currently in between jobs but I do well thankyouverymuch). This is appealing to men but also intimidating to some. I don't mean that to be arrogant, it just is.

I went through a few years of depression in my late 20s/early 30s when it seemed all my friends were getting married, having kids and nothing was happening with me. I hardly dated much those years! hmmm.

Fast forward a few years and a few relationships and I started realizing yeah I'm living a non-traditional life (meaning single and no kids) BUT that means I have a gift...the gift of TIME. So...why waste that gift sitting around moping?

In my mid 30s I started exercising like crazy and got into the best shape of my life. How? I started walking 5 miles a day or more around my neighborhood and took up hockey even though I had never done sports as a kid. 35 lbs gone! I am not rail thin but I had packed on a few pounds in my early 30s and as I was coming out of my depression I realized I was feeling great on the inside and the outside wasn't reflecting that. The change was amazing! I also joined a co-ed league, mostly guys , but honestly I did not join the league to get dates. It's just a great community.

I do want to date again and eventually get married. I have a lot to give to a relationship and despite my current bumps in the road I am very optimisitc and know I'll get through this. I have amazing friends...yeah quite a few 30 and 40-somethings, mostly single, divorced, dating...we call it Sex and the Suburbs!!

Wow, you are amazing! I need to do more excersize even though I am not fat. It does help you feel better.

 

[maggie7]

ITA! Most of the time, I love being single. I'm only 23, I'm in law school, I work at least 6 days a week between 2 jobs, etc. When I have free time, I like being able to spend it with whomever I chose to spend my time with.

My only problem is that lately it seems like all of my friends are getting married. (We recently had a girls weekend and out of the 7 girls, I was the only single one). I have no problem with this until I have to find a date for the wedding.

If I take a guy friend, he might get the wrong idea and think that I'm looking for more when I'm not. If I found a guy that I was actually interested in, taking a guy to a wedding as a first date is awkward. So to solve my problem for a wedding I have in a couple of weeks, I'm taking a friend who is also single. I found out from the groom that there will be a few single guys there, so I thought that my friend and I could go and have fun with the single guys

The best date to take to a wedding is a gay friend, especially if he's good looking and not too obvious.. You can have a joke and a laugh and just relax and be yourself and everybody will wonder where you found such a great guy, LOL

Pursegrrl, you will not be single for long, there's somebody special out there for you!!

 

[shoppy]

The best date to take to a wedding is a gay friend, especially if he's good looking and not too obvious.. You can have a joke and a laugh and just relax and be yourself and everybody will wonder where you found such a great guy, LOL

That's a really great idea; I never thought of that!!

 

[Pursegrrl]

Pursegrrl, you will not be single for long, there's somebody special out there for you!!

Oh maggie you are such a sweetheart. You made my day!! Huge hugs to you, girl.

 

[Pursegrrl]

Wow, you are amazing! I need to do more excersize even though I am not fat. It does help you feel better.

Team sports is a great way to stay in shape and meet fantastic people! And again I'm not saying to necessarily get dates but just the companionship alone is a godsend for me especially right now. I even got a job hunting contact from one of our goalies recently! You just never know.

I have to pay to be in the league so if I don't show up for a practice or game I might as well have flushed money down the toilet. My teammates depend on me to be there and give it my all as I do of them! [compared to my gym who is happy just sending me a bill whether I show up or not, ha ha]. My teammates all know eachother outside of our professional lives so we get to see the silly and relaxed sides of ourselves. I am not super athletic by any means but who cares? I'm pushing myself to break out of my old barriers. I just can't say enough about how hockey has changed my life...

I'm admittedly high maintenance and hockey reminds me it's OK to be a big sweaty mess around guys afterwards and not worry about how my hair looks after skating for 90 minutes in a do-rag and helmet . That's what a baseball hat is for.

Anyway, that's my ramble for now...

 

[amanda]

Hi Amanda,

I joined eHarmany also and it has been three weeks already. No dates....the men that I was matched up on paper sounds really nice but the photo's are scary. The ones that are not already found someone else.

Isn't that typical? This always happen to me.

everyone on eharmony is going to get different types of people because of how the service works, and my experience definately hasn't matched yours. i'd say at last 75% of my "matches" have been at least reasonably attractive, and some of them outright hot. i've been really pleased with it so far, and the guy i'm going to go out with (we moved it up to tonight instead of waiting until thursday because we've enjoyed talking so much) seems completely normal (i've done some background research), attractive, and really nice. we're unbelievably compatible so far, and i was on the site for a whopping 7 days before i had a date.

i went into it with a very open mind and no expectations of what i would find and tried to follow the site's instructions as best i could. i don't really mind being single and don't have a problem meeting people, so i didn't have anything to lose if it didn't work out for me. not everyone they send you is going to be someone you find attractive, physically or otherwise, but all you really need is one, right? they've probably sent me 50 guys since i've joined, and i'm seeing the one that i like the bets so far. i certainly don't have to go on a first date with them all, lol.

i'll let you ladies know how the date goes tonight! send me good thoughts!

 

[Pursegrrl]

everyone on eharmony is going to get different types of people because of how the service works, and my experience definately hasn't matched yours. i'd say at last 75% of my "matches" have been at least reasonably attractive, and some of them outright hot. i've been really pleased with it so far, and the guy i'm going to go out with (we moved it up to tonight instead of waiting until thursday because we've enjoyed talking so much) seems completely normal (i've done some background research), attractive, and really nice. we're unbelievably compatible so far, and i was on the site for a whopping 7 days before i had a date.

i went into it with a very open mind and no expectations of what i would find and tried to follow the site's instructions as best i could. i don't really mind being single and don't have a problem meeting people, so i didn't have anything to lose if it didn't work out for me. not everyone they send you is going to be someone you find attractive, physically or otherwise, but all you really need is one, right? they've probably sent me 50 guys since i've joined, and i'm seeing the one that i like the bets so far. i certainly don't have to go on a first date with them all, lol.

i'll let you ladies know how the date goes tonight! send me good thoughts!

Oooh, have a great time, amanda!

I may try eharmony again...I was doing it and match.com both before I met my BF. I liked eh b/c you have to go through a rather long questionnaire instead of just signing up and posting pics.

True, you dont' have to go on a date with all 50 of them, lol.

We're rootin' for ya, A!!

 

[sonya]

Glomorous_girl,

Don't lose hope!

If you really want a f***buddy, you can get one easily. Trust me. You can raise your standards substantially and get one.

But I don't think that's what you want.

Maybe the men that you meet, that talk to you like a friend ... ie a human being ... are shy. (This is not a bad place to be in. It's much worse just to be seen as an object. The fact that they are friends with you show that they respect you as a person, and that they find your personality attractive.) Maybe you should just drop more hints. You should also try to get your friends to set you up with guys.

Seriously, love finds you when you aren't looking. I know this seems hard right now, but have high standards for yourself, and men will have high standards for you.

rant warning:

well today I went over the edge....
I pretty much snapped.
Basically, I have been single for over 2 1/2 years and not had SEX in that long. I dont even think I remember how to date much less how to pick them up (or get the courage to)! I am starting to find guys I know are ugly, as hot because I am getting that desperate. Whining to my friends gets no where, they all have boyfriends or just got out of a relationship and just tell me i should be happy to be single. Well when you have been single for a certain amount of time like I have, it backfires and you start to realize you are lonely, depressed and your self esteem sucks, and I dont just need a good lay, I need ANY lay. I am also getting tired of how all the men I meet end up becoming a friend and dont seem to take any hints from me that I want more. They talk to me about girls, and sex, like I am a guy. Thats all fine and dandy but at this point that just makes it worse. All of the guys I do get are so creepy I am seriously afraid they will rape or murder me. By creepy I do mean about as creepy as they get. I dont even go out much anymore because whether that having fun I just get depressed about all the damn couples I see. And yes, I have been there and done that with every ignore it and keep yourself entertained tactic.
Im not even being as picky as wanting to date, I would be happy with just a f*** buddy.

/rant

 

[Glamorous_girl]

ladies, i have a first date on thursday! yay! i haven't been on a real date since, like, may so i'm quite happy about it. i joined eharmony about a week ago to, let's say, get a very bad taste out of my mouth, and i'm going to meet up with one of the guys on thursday. we've talked online and on the phone, and he seems very nice, so i'm cautiously hopeful that he won't be insane like the last guy i went out with.

so maybe try a dating site, glamorous girl. i don't know what kind are available in japan, but i think they're a LOT more socially acceptable than they've been in the past, and that way, everyone knows that everyone else is there looking for something romantic, so there's less of a chance to fall into the 'friend' category. if you're this irritated with your current prospects, then why not try it?

Actually i am a member on 3, 1 is pretty good. I have talked with some guys but it usually ends up them wanting to me meet after we have hardly talked at all which of course I jump into the conclusion of creep. I have started using it again this week and just started emailing a prospect. He seems alright so far and if thats his real pics is about average in the looks department

I am always afraid though, that they will see me and blow me off, which has happened to my friend. Mainly because I am fat. Im thinking I should just post a full body pic on my profile so they know in advance I am not a rail. My friend gave me a good idea on how to meet them the first time though, since I also worry about them lying about their pics...Ill just tell them to meet at a certain place, and ill get there early and wait a short distance away....and of course tell a friend where I am going and when, and have them "on call" so if I feel I need to get out I can text them and they can call with an "emergency" than I have to run to hahaha. I guess we will see how this works. I also keep getting told I need to go talk to my crush about what we both know we need to talk about (my confessing to him and him not giving me a direct answer ) Actually I am in a japanese pragmatics class and on my midterm in one of the essays I mentioned the confesssing and no response thing as she told me "it's typical among younger guys because they dont know what to do" haha

And while I was typing this I got a message from a soso looking guy on the dating site.

 

[amanda]

i'd say just post an honest pic of yourself, and that way they know exactly who they're talking to - no surprises is always the best way to go. let them know up front that you'd rather message back and forth for a while because you're cautious about meeting people, and when you go and meet them, meet up in a public place.

i don't think it's any more dangerous than meeting someone out in a bar or something. you don't know any more about those guys than you know about someone from a dating site, it's just more traditional so it seems safer.

 

[Aslan]

rant warning:

well today I went over the edge....
I pretty much snapped.
Basically, I have been single for over 2 1/2 years and not had SEX in that long. I dont even think I remember how to date much less how to pick them up (or get the courage to)! I am starting to find guys I know are ugly, as hot because I am getting that desperate. Whining to my friends gets no where, they all have boyfriends or just got out of a relationship and just tell me i should be happy to be single. Well when you have been single for a certain amount of time like I have, it backfires and you start to realize you are lonely, depressed and your self esteem sucks, and I dont just need a good lay, I need ANY lay. I am also getting tired of how all the men I meet end up becoming a friend and dont seem to take any hints from me that I want more. They talk to me about girls, and sex, like I am a guy. Thats all fine and dandy but at this point that just makes it worse. All of the guys I do get are so creepy I am seriously afraid they will rape or murder me. By creepy I do mean about as creepy as they get. I dont even go out much anymore because whether that having fun I just get depressed about all the damn couples I see. And yes, I have been there and done that with every ignore it and keep yourself entertained tactic.
Im not even being as picky as wanting to date, I would be happy with just a f*** buddy.

/rant

Aww, girl, get a grip! I've been a romantic rut since the end of my last relationship, and I found I've attracted more guys when I've become comfortable with myself. My single self. Yes, I don't have the boyfriend/lifemate thing going on right now, but I've just graduated from undergrad and I'm working on a Masters and a career. I take pride in these things and they mainly fulfill me. When you are not in that crazy "I have to find a partner mode," you will likely find the person meant for you. Hang in there!

 

[Purses]

Hi Amanada and ladies!

I have to share with you my most recent shocking experience on eHarmony. There is this man that I really liked all his answers to me questions and it went as far as open talk. I asked him what is the reason that he does not have his picture posted.

He posted his picture and he has only one armand he looks a lot older and dated look from what I expected from a 39 year old.

I know this sounds mean but I am really not interested in him. How should I handle this guy?

Also, most of my matches do not have pictures and I don't want to start communication without one. Do you think that I am approaching this wrong?

 

[amanda]

Hi Amanada and ladies!

I have to share with you my most recent shocking experience on eHarmony. There is this man that I really liked all his answers to me questions and it went as far as open talk. I asked him what is the reason that he does not have his picture posted.

He posted his picture and he has only one armand he looks a lot older and dated look from what I expected from a 39 year old.

I know this sounds mean but I am really not interested in him. How should I handle this guy?

Also, most of my matches do not have pictures and I don't want to start communication without one. Do you think that I am approaching this wrong?

if you're no longer interested, be honest with him.

and i only communicate with people on eharmony that have posted pics.