Sick with grief but wanting a new cat...am I horrible?

stylefly

Shopportunist
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Apr 22, 2006
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Canada Eh
www.constylement.com
As some of you may know, my best friend, my constant companion and the joy of my life, my little Pixie-Bob Nyuszi went to the Bridge suddenly just this past Saturday. I am absolutely sick and have just started to regain some normalcy in my life- I've just been bawling for days straight but trying to keep it together in front of our toddler so he doesn't get upset.
Looking to the future, I emailed a few breeders to see if I could get my name on a waiting list for a new Pixie-Bob kitten in the spring as I thought perhaps by then we'd all be ready to start a new longterm relationship with a furball. I really like the breed so it's not about replacing my little Nyuszi- he was the runt of the litter anyway and looked pretty different from the standard of the breed :P.
One breeder came back and told me that while she does have a waiting list, she does have one little guy that's been waiting to be adopted for months. He's a little shy and misses some of the breed standards (like I care, personally) and she would really like to see him to a good home. She sent me a few photos and he looks adorable, so I don't know why nobody wants to take him, but she says all of his friends keep leaving and he's very sad. I guess people expect the breed to be very sociable and outgoing, so a shy one gets left behind.
Sorry that this is so long, but I'm sure you all see where this is going. I lost my little guy only 5 days ago and we haven't even gotten the ashes back yet or had a chance to bury him, and here I am thinking about a new cat already. I feel horribly guilty, but now I also feel guilty knowing I'd be able to give this new little guy a wonderful, loving home and I'm letting him sit there despite this. I asked the breeder if she would hold him for a few more weeks if we did adopt him, to give us a chance to get over our shock and grief a bit, and she said that would be fine.
Am I a terrible person for even considering this? I know he won't be Nyuszi...and I'm terrified that I'll be disappointed if we don't have the same special bond, though logically I know that of course we won't, every relationship is special but different.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me? I am really torn here. I miss Nyuszi so much and am not looking to replace him..just have the energy of a new friend. At the same time, it feels so very wrong to be thinking about this as it's so soon. Would really appreciate some advice.
 

gsmom

Member
Feb 4, 2010
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I have said this before and I believe it to be true 100%....the biggest tribute you could pay to the memory and legacy of Nyuszi would be to adopt and love one of his brethren. I really can't think of a kinder thing to do for his memory.
 

cats n bags

Stinky's Mum
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Jun 24, 2008
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As you may have learned from Nyuszi, cats do things on their own schedule, and you don't have much say in the matter. This applies on both sides of the Rainbow Bridge.

From what you said in your post, I think meeting the little orphan kitty may be OK. If he has been waiting for you to keep an appointment that you may not have known about, I think you will know when you meet him.

I would still make sure he doesn't have any health issues. If he "feels" like he should come "home" with you, when you meet him, you will know the answer. :hugs:
 

LilyC

Member
Sep 19, 2010
139
0
Don't feel guilty for wanting or getting another furball. No other will replace Nyuszi. I echo what gsmom said. It's a wonderful tribute to Nyuszi especially adopting a special little boy that no one else is interested in. Maybe it is meant to be?
 

Cindi

My baby, Bellis
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Aug 8, 2006
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I am a big believer in fate. It seems like fate to me that there "just happens" to be this little guy who is (by breed standards) less than perfect waiting for a new home. And you (who don't give a rat's behind about breed standards, unlike most people) need to bring some love back into your home and really want this type of kitty. Seems to me Nyuszi is working his magic from The Bridge. Go and meet the little guy. You will know right away if he is supposed to be yours. And PLEASE post pics. We have to see this little "imperfect" angel.
 

stylefly

Shopportunist
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Apr 22, 2006
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Canada Eh
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Thank you all so much. I wouldn't be able to meet the cat i person as I am in Toronto and he would be shipped from Illinois...but it just feels like yes, perhaps fate. I think I might go ahead and do it. My hubby says that time is meaningless and that 10 years from now, all we'll remember is how much we love/loved both cats, not how many days after Nyuszi passed we got another one. Methinks he might be right.
Has anyone else ever adopted a new friend so shortly after a loss?
 

Cindi

My baby, Bellis
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Aug 8, 2006
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PA USA
After losing a fur baby I have always just "left the door open" to the next kitty that needed me. Sometimes they showed up quickly and sometimes it took a while. There really is no set amount of time that is considered the proper amount to wait. If I were you I would definitely adopt this little guy ASAP. Why make him wait for his forever family? You will be happy with another baby to love and he will be happy to finally have a family that loves him. Win win if you ask me. And if you adopt now you will probably have some time off in the next few weeks with the holidays to spend getting him acclimated.
 

cats n bags

Stinky's Mum
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Jun 24, 2008
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My Tilly came within a week after a young cat died and her brother was heartbroken over the loss. Tilly ran the house for the next 18 years.

Others have come much later. It all depends.

When I have tried to force the issue, I knew walking into the shelter that I did not belong there.
 

sgj99

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Jun 17, 2008
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I am a big believer in fate. It seems like fate to me that there "just happens" to be this little guy who is (by breed standards) less than perfect waiting for a new home. And you (who don't give a rat's behind about breed standards, unlike most people) need to bring some love back into your home and really want this type of kitty. Seems to me Nyuszi is working his magic from The Bridge. Go and meet the little guy. You will know right away if he is supposed to be yours. And PLEASE post pics. We have to see this little "imperfect" angel.
i think this new little guy is exactly what you need ... to give your home and love to another kitty who needs you. since you realize he won't replace your Nyuszi time doesn't matter, Nyuszi will always be in your heart.

i adopted from our local shelter only a week after i lost my 18 year cat to a long battle with cancer ... and have never regretted it. while i will always miss the cat that is gone i have enough room in my heart to give love to another kitty.
 

Querencia

Member
Feb 25, 2011
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0
I'm very sorry for the loss of your fellow but please don't let a sense of guilt stop you from making the right choice for you and your family. If you were too broken about it to love the kitty in question properly, or spend the time and emotion to bond with him that would be one thing... I don't know how to say this without sounding harsh but guilt or grief isn't a monument or a tribute to someone or something lost.. I figure learning and doing your best and carrying forward with what you've learned and loved is a far better tribute than locking down in grief or refusing to allow happiness in for yourself, or others like your skittery shy guy who could use a loving home. I hope I didn't overstep. I just hate to see someone deny good things that present themselves because they feel like they shouldn't. Nyuszi, it sounds like at least, occupied a large space in your home and heart. Finding another kitten to share time and life with doesn't negate that. doesn't mean you're done grieving either, it just means maybe you are ready sooner than you expected to let another one in. Loving another one though doesn't lessen the love for the first. Like I said, hope I'm not dangerously overstepping. But I hope you make the best choice for everyone's happiness. it sounds like having a kitten around who needs a home as much as you sound like you could use another companion might be it. I'm terribly sorry for the loss of your Nyuszi though...
 

poopsie

How Sentimental
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Jan 14, 2009
13,126
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Where the wild things are
If not that little fellow, please please please consider adopting from a shelter. So many wonderful animals need rescuing .........too many never make it into a loving forever home. :cry:
 

Lisie

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Dec 10, 2006
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USA
stylefly said:
Thank you all so much. I wouldn't be able to meet the cat i person as I am in Toronto and he would be shipped from Illinois...but it just feels like yes, perhaps fate. I think I might go ahead and do it. My hubby says that time is meaningless and that 10 years from now, all we'll remember is how much we love/loved both cats, not how many days after Nyuszi passed we got another one. Methinks he might be right.
Has anyone else ever adopted a new friend so shortly after a loss?
My lovely Bianca just went over to the bridge 3 weeks ago and when I think of her my eyes are filled with tears immediately because I am so sad! I had her for almost 19 years and she was my best friend! The best I could ever have! I was absolutely broken when she was gone and to distract myself I started looking for a new kitten - not that I wanted to replace her but it made me think of something else than the loss. So 10 days ago I saw this ad someone put up and liked once of the kitten but just wasnt sure - everyone said I should better wait for spring etc but I in the end decided to give it a try and drove there as it was just an hour from my place! There- they had 3 boys and one girl and the little girl licked my hand immediately- that's when I knew I'm not gonna drive home alone :smile: so there she is - giving me joy sleeping next to my head purring like a grown-up :smile:
It's helps to smile again and to wake up and think there is someone in the house who needs love! I m still super sad about Bianca but I hope she likes it that I am happy again!
Maybe it's a sign from above to adopt this little guy. There is nothing wrong about your feelings- I felt the same regret and guilt but always be aware that you can never replace a cat with another. And you won't be disappointed because every cat is different! Just keep your sweety in your heart and give all the love to this little guy now- I guess he needs it anyways as he was left behind and who knows maybe after a while he won't be shy anymore when he bonded with you!

Just one thing I did was - that I didn't want to have a similar looking cat to my old :smile: so I got a completely different color :smile:

Good luck :smile: :smile:
 

weekender2

Member
Mar 13, 2007
3,508
2
So sorry for your loss.
I lost my dog shayla last week and although I'm still crying over her, a big part of me wants to honor her buy rescuing another dog.
everyone in my family is not on the same page though.
I understand how you feel.
I guess if everyone in the household is ok with it, sounds like it was meant to be.
 

Lisie

O.G.
Dec 10, 2006
1,524
7
USA
So sorry for your loss.
I lost my dog shayla last week and although I'm still crying over her, a big part of me wants to honor her buy rescuing another dog.
everyone in my family is not on the same page though.
I understand how you feel.
I guess if everyone in the household is ok with it, sounds like it was meant to be.
agree. sorry for your loss too :sad:
 

miss alice

Dogs Rule!!
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May 24, 2006
3,776
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In the Shoes with Red Soles
Thank you all so much. I wouldn't be able to meet the cat i person as I am in Toronto and he would be shipped from Illinois...but it just feels like yes, perhaps fate. I think I might go ahead and do it. My hubby says that time is meaningless and that 10 years from now, all we'll remember is how much we love/loved both cats, not how many days after Nyuszi passed we got another one. Methinks he might be right.
Has anyone else ever adopted a new friend so shortly after a loss?
i agree with your hubby, he is very wise!! a good friend lost her darling maltese recently to a dormant genetic illness and we were all shocked and devastated. my friend had to send her to the rainbow bridge and we were alllll soooo sad.....but then she got another maltese baby soon after and she told me it was the right decision. she told me her new baby was an angel sent by her previous baby and she feels that her previous baby is looking down at them both. i have a feeling the same will be for you!!! (((((HUGS))))