Sharing the wealth

  1. Ok.. so I am feeling the need to vent a little bit.
    Do any of you have inlaws that sorta leech off of you?? My DH has done well business wise and investment wise so we are comfortable however his sister can't hold a job or a husband and his mother has all kinds of problems with her health brought on by her overeating of too many sweets (which I can't feel sorry for if you bring on yourself.. it's a choice) she can hardly walk because of her weight and her knees and back aren't in good shape because of her weight yet I see her with sugar sugar sugar. Long story short :back2topic: we are going on a cruise in August and my husband mentioned that they would probly want to go to. MIL SIL and neice. Now we pay for all this since none of them work. The thing that is irking me I guess you could say is we or should I say HE just sent them on a two week cruise to Italy and Greece and here we are taking them on another cruise to the carrabiean. To top that off I didn't even get asked about it. All I heard is I think I'll ask x x and x if they want to go. Ok gee well let me think about this.... Hmmm I see them all the time cuz they are always on the boat we just bought.. hmm yea sure why wouldn't I want to share my family vacation with them. So I said what any wife would say "Sure honey whatever you like" we discuss it a bit more and I can't bring myself to say "Haven't we spent enough money on them?" We also pay for our neices car and a part of the rent and this and that and the MILs rent and we gave her a car and the list just hasn't slowed down yet. Mind you we don't do anything for my family because they don't ask they work hard and make their own way in the world. So my husband says to me yesterday "Oh by the way x x and x are going with us on the cruise." Just like that no discussing and I probly brought it on myself by not saying anything, but how can I without looking like a total turd. Uhh your family needs to get a life?? And he keeps babbeling because he doesn't get a reaction from me so he says well maybe we should invite x and X (his ex girlfriend and the inlaws are old family friends) and their parents to keep them company. Oh yea that went really well. So am I a turd for thinking bad things? Or am I putting up with too much in the first place. I would really like opinions on this because I feel really torn. I like them but I don't like what they do. Too bad we don't have a turd smiley I could have used it a few times in this long passage.
  2. IMO, if he wants to do something for his family, let him. I don't know all the facts, but I assume his parents raised him. He doesn't seem to have a problem doing things for his parents and sister because he loves them. If you would like to invite your parents on the cruise, I say ask him and tell him about how much you two do for his family and you would like to do something nice for your family as well.
  3. Ugh my family is JUST like this... my mother put up with my Dad's moocher relatives for years and years without saying anything. She finally reached a point where she got so bitter that she couldn't take it anymore and let him have it. They have arguments about it still, but my Dad's a lot better about taking my mom's feelings into account now bc he knows she won't just step aside and let him donate all their money to bummy relatives. I think you should honestly talk to you husband about how you feel, bc if it keeps going on you're just going to start feeling resentful. And besides you deserve a vacation away from the moochers! Hope everything goes well :flowers:
  4. My parents are dead. It is just me and my brothers. I am not saying don't do nice things for them because we do and continue to do things that are by anyones standars very nice. Pay for the rent and cars and cruises and collage is pretty nice if you ask me. We take the neice on trips across the globe. We do all kinds of "nice" things. I'm just wondering if anyone else has come into this situation and how they feel about it. I am a really nice person and would never ever say anything to DH or his family I just need to talk about it and get it off my chest
  5. I agree with you- enough is enough!!! He should have at least discussed it with you prior to inviting them along. I feel your pain AND his pain as I'm dealing with a similar situation with my own parents! Yes of course he loves his family and wants to take care of them because he can-- but he also has to consider your feelings in this!
    No you are anot a 'turd' for feeling the way you feel- most people get upset when being taken for granted...
  6. Perhaps you should say something to your DH... as in "honey- I just wish you would have spoken with me before you invited them." It is still nice but let's him know that you didn't appreciate being left out of the loop.

    Do you guys get any vacations alone?
  7. I think you should tell him you think it's wonderful that he wants to make sure his family has opportunities that they otheriwse wouldn't have.

    Why don't you suggest the family that you are treating toa super vacation to assist around the house or with something so that you don't just feel like a sucker who is always footing the bill.

    Instead of saying you don't want them to go with you. Why don't you tell hubby that you wnat a vacation for jsut the two of you. And emphasize how you don't feel as romantic with the whole family in tow.
  8. as long as you don´t suffer or have to cut back let him it is his money after all.
    ah and one thing it is fine with everyone to get something or even inheired from the parents but if it is the other way around that the children are living better than the parents at least for me it is natural to turn the whole thing vice verca ;)
  9. Who wants to go on a cruis with their relative??? I would want time alone with my husband and a relaxing vacation. I would sit and have a long chat with your husband and tell him you want him all by himself and he can send his relative on a cruise at a different time, place, ect..... I think I would be beyond mad at this point but it seems like you have not spoken up for yourself so in his mind he probably might actually think you Enjoy all their company.
  10. I have a friend whose family takes advantage of her. She gets so upset sometimes she gets physically sick - but she would never say no to them. I think your DH's family is taking advantage of the situation. Unless you say something to him, it will continue.
  11. We have freinds that are going on the same cruise so it was going to be the lot of us with the kids just a 7 day cruise. Fun friends and the kids would be busy with all the activities.

    We just paid for all three of them to go on Italian cuise for 2 weeks. We didn't accompany them.

    Sigh.. whatever I think I'm sick of thinking about it.
  12. From what I've seen between my parents (definitely the same situation you and your DH are in), it's really difficult to tell your husband what he can and can't spend on his family! It's about the only thing my folks fight about.

    Sorry, chaq, and good luck!
  13. WOW, kinda my story too. DH has 6 older sisters and the 4 younger ones don't have houses, always having money troubles.

    We don't have much disposable income, so we don't loan/co-sign/etc.

    I told DH that we have 2 small kids to raise and we're doing none of that. (Got burned by one sis, so that set this standard)

  14. I agree on this one. As long as you are not supporting them, it's all good!
  15. We ARE supporting them

    Pay for rent on two apts gave MIL SIL cars bought neice brand new car we pay for and gave SIL a job in our offices because she can't seem to hold onto one to keep an income