Sex Jokes

  1. A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of three, nine or 12, and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s ‘the night.’ We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.” The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

    Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.”

    He leans over to her and says, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”
  2. K, I must be the slowest person ever (or quite innocent :roflmfao: ) but I don't get it?
  3. :roflmfao: :lol:
  4. A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a plane. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man isn’t sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating.

    A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man is about to go nuts. He can’t believe that he’s seeing what he’s seeing.

    A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again.

    The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, “Three times you’ve sneezed, and three times you’ve taken a tissue and wiped it between your legs! Are you trying to drive me crazy?”

    “I’m sorry to have disturbed you, sir,” she replies. “I have a rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm.”

    The man, now feeling badly, says, “Oh, I’m sorry. What are you taking for it?”

    The woman looks at him with a coy smile and says, “Pepper.”
  5. The pharmicist who sold the kid the condoms turns out to be the girl's dad.
  6. A woman visits her accountant to file her taxes. He asks her, “What’s your occupation?”

    The woman says, “I’m a hooker.”

    The accountant balks and says, “Oh, that’s too crass. Let’s try to rephrase it.”

    “How about ‘prostitute’” the woman suggests.

    “That’s still too crude,” he says.

    They both think for a minute, then the woman blurts out, “Let’s say I’m a chicken farmer.”

    “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?” the accountant asks incredulously.

    The woman answers, “I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”
  7. I am exactly like melloyellojen now, cause I don't get this one.
  8. The woman wants to keep having orgasms, so she takes pepper. (It makes her sneeze.)
  9. ^^^^^^:roflmfao:
  10. An old couple is driving to Pennsylvania from their winter home in Florida, when a trooper pulls them over. The cop asks the old man if he knows how fast he was going, and immediately his wife, who is hard of hearing, taps him on the shoulder and asks, “What did he say?”
    So the old man turns and tells her that the cop asked him how fast he was going. The cop then tells the man that he’s going to give them a warning, and with that the old woman taps her husband and asks what the cop said again.
    Next, the cop asked the old man where they were headed, so the old man explained that they were going home to Pennsylvania. To that the cop replied and said, “I’ve been to Pennsylvania, but I have to tell ya, the worst sex I ever had was in Pennsylvania.” One more time the old man’s wife taps him and asks what the cop said, so the old man turned to her and said “He thinks he knows you”.
  11. OH!!! Thanks :shame:
  12. Hahaha, that's 0 for me because I didnt get that one either. Man, I'm slow! :Push:
  13. All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.

    One knight told his best friend - "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade."

    The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.

    Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.

    A horseman approached. It was the knights best friend.

    He yells - "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!"
  14. OK, now this one I understood! LOL, I chuckled out loud!
  15. these one line explanations of the jokes are cracking me up more than anything!!!

    Keep em coming!

    ( everything sounds filthy!)