serious advice/opinions needed please.....

#16
I applaud you for seeking advice from a therapist, its a very brave and sensible thing to do. I have sympathy for you, I have been with my fiancee since i was 15! I wanted to remain a virgin until I was married, and I often doubted that my fiancee would wait for me, i got myself so upset and worried about losing him because of wanting to wait, he proposed when i explained all my doubts to him, to show me that he would wait and that he loved me and wanted to be with me regardless of not having sex. I have had doubts about our relationship, I often wonder what it would be like to date other guys or be with someone else, but I also think that its exciting to meet my soulmate at such a young age, because we're gonna go on lifes journey together.
I guess your main problem is that your bf isnt showing any signs of wanting a future with you, I think you've got to be selfish and only think of yourself. You only live once, and if you're life's not going the way you want it to, then change it, life's too short to wait about for something to happen, you've got to make it happen yourself! Explain how you feel, if he still doesnt consider your feelings, then move on.
I really hope everything works out for you, I send you my best wishes xx
 
#17
Hmmm, I am wondering what you have done to change the lifestyle yourself? You say your therapist feel the BF is holding you back, but I find that odd, to be honest....most therapist work on what you can do, you know act vs react.

With that said, I do hear you. Right around the same age I had a similar situation...so I started 'changing' me....taking my work more seriously, exercising and being more outgoing on the weekends, volunteering, etc and made to clear to my bf at the time I was changing and growing. After about 4 months, it was clear he wasn't going to change. I asked him to move out.

It was very hard, and none of my family and friends could understand. Right about that time I met my DH, and now we've been married 14 years.

Best thing I ever did was 'move on'.
 
#19
This is my "theory" about couples that meet young--based upon observation of many friends' relationships....

I think you can have the potential to have life-long happiness with someone that you meet early in life. But that potential decreases if you grow apart. Meeting someone in your late teens/early twenties is great--but you're still growing, figuring out who you are, etc. However, as time goes by, you grow "up", mature. As a couple, either you'll grow together or grow apart.

It sounds like that you and your bf may be growing apart. Therapy and talking about where you see yourselves going in the next year, two years, five years, etc. would be a good way to see if perhaps you can continue your relationship.

Another thing to consider is that life's short and precious. It's too short to "wait" for someone else to make a decision or a choice. Go live your life and if it's "meant to be", he'll be there with you. If not, you're living your life and that means a lot--more than having a bf who's just "there."
 
#20
gillianna said:
It seems like you spent a good part of your adult life with him and are not moving forward. It's great you are seeing a therapist and this can help you decide what "you"want and what "you need". My cousin met a guy when she first moved to NY---she dated him, traveled with him and even though they were supposed to be a couple they split every bill 50-50. I never remember her saying he bought her anything. He even charged her for a McDonalds milkshake when she was sick once. (UGH). So she waited and waited, thinking they will get married........she went as far as to even give him her grandmothers engagement ring and wedding band for him to give her. Well 20 years went by and so did all her opportunities of her dreams of having children, a home and marrying him. She moved out of state in to her parents house and was sure he would go get her and marry her, NO--just used her parents house for vacations. Sad to say she died 2 years later after her move. She was depressed, became a heavy drinker and I think just didn't care anymore. From our phone conversations she kept waiting for something to happen next month, next year and it never did and before she knew it 20 years later she was still waiting.
Life is too short to just settle because you are afraid to be alone or make the next step. Just my opinion but I would ask your BF to go to therapy and see what happens.
Take care.
Click to expand...

Jesus Christ I feel like killing myself after reading that!!
 
#21
Like the others said its hard to give advice cuz he isn't a jerk and we don't know his side, but from your posts it appears that you already know that you guys aren't on the same page and that you should move on.

Good luck with your decision, its a hard one.
 
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