scary/very sad situation ..advice?

#47
rebecca15 said:
ladies and gents i need some MAJOR advice. i just got a phone call from my dad telling me to get dressed we're going over to my older brothers house. im like ok, why? it turns out my brothers wife was just raped.

this is my biggest fear in life...what do i say to her. do i act like i know what happened. i feel worse for my 12 year old niece ( her daughter) this is such a tough situation and i get all nervous even typing about it. this has always been my biggest fear and now its hit extremely close to home. i know its most important to be very supportive and understanding (believe me i do) but im really scared to see how shes holding up ...help:heart:

im sure my brother's reaction is to hunt down and kill whoever this was. i just hope they were smart about it and contacted the police ASAP. :amazed:

ill be on in a couple hours to see what you guys have to say. thank you guys for listening. it means alot
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Oh my goodness. How terrible. I know you will find the right words, and a way to support. She will go through a lot of emotions, and some might include pushing everyone, and I mean EVERYONE away, you should be prepared for that. Bless all of your hearts.
 
#49
I am so very sorry. I would imagine you being there is more comfort than you might guess. I like the suggestion of cooking for the family. You could do errands and hang out with your niece as much as possible, too. She will need you. If there is anything at all I can do, please let me know. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Please take care.
Tami
 
#50
Hi Rebecca,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family right now. The ladies here have given some good advice. All I can say is to be sure that she gets medical care and good counselling. It may take a while to get over the initial shock but with the wonderful love and support from her family and friends, I'm certain she'll make it through. Keep us posted.
 
#51
caannie said:
I'm so sorry to hear this...

I work for a criminal justice agency, in part writing materials about crime statistics that I provide to victims' advocacy centers. It is very important your SIL finds help and counseling through one of these centers. While family may be of comfort to her, these programs can provide her with information and she will have people to speak to who KNOW exactly how she is feeling.

There is a lot involved in this whole process, and sometimes it is difficult not to feel like the victim is being further injured by the invasiveness of rape exams, prosecution of the offender, etc... She needs to seek expert counseling as soon as possible.
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This is SO true, the victim wants to just block it out and forget it happened and try to move on. But, she must go through even more in order to be sure he doesn't do it again. Perhaps you can show up with a victims advocate right away.
 
#54
Hi Rebecca,

I was a rape victim. I sent you a note privately- but really just love her, pamper her and let her talk when she wants to. Don't force it right now.

Family and friends are the best medicine for these bad things, and a good therapist or support group, will help tremendously too.

Just let her know she is loved- and take care of yourself as well.
 
#55
I'm so sorry about what happened :sad:. Just reading about this makes me so sad and angry. I can't even begin to imagine what your SIL must have gone through. I hope they catch that SOB and lock him up for a LONG time. I'm all for chemical/physical/whatever castration to make sure convicted rapists never hurt someone else.

Just give your SIL some space, and all the other good advice the others have given above. Also, start asking around for good, great counselors (psychologists, psychiatrists, MFTs, etc) that have experience with women who have been raped. She needs someone she can really open up to without worrying about them (for instance, she might be worried that it might hurt her DH to hear about what happened to her, or might make him so angry that he does something really rash).
 
#56
thanks everyone for your advice. i am so distraught. i just hugged her and rubbed her back as she talked to my dad and i. my brother is livid. apparently it happened after they returned home from ocala on the night of the 4th. she went for a wlak around the block to see some neighbors and thier fireworks when a black man attacked her one street away from their house. i kept thinking horrible things like what did he do to her, did he threaten her life if she told anyone.

they live on copans road right by federal highway (around ft. lauderdale) not the best area. she seems like shes in the angry stage. im thankful tho bc she did go to the hospital as soon as it happened and went straight to the police station. no suspects yet.

they own a house in ocala and are moving there on saturday. she in no way wants to live in that neighborhood any longer. it could have been her daughter (my niece) the police did say someone was just raped in the b-room at the local park. what a horrible world

how dare some man ruin her life. im so angry. uhhhh. god give us strength :sad:
 
#57
Meowgirl,

I am so sorry to hear this has happened to you, I think it is incredibly brave of you to acknowledge it on the forum. Big hugs to you and I hope you have managed to come to terms with it on some level:flowers:
 
#58
I'm so sorry to hear this. This is a woman's worst fear. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your SIL and your whole family. Just be there for her as much as you can. Let us know how she's doing.
 
#59
Rebecca-- I am very sorry to hear your story. That is so sad:sad:

I am in a similar situation right now. Some of you might have already heard this story in the news...my 18 year old cousin was driving home in Tehuacana, Texas and two illegal immigrants hit her SUV from behind and forced it off of the road. They dragged her out of her car and drove around for a few hours while they took turns raping her. They then stabbed her 18 times, tried to break her neck, and dumped her in a ditch, presuming that she was dead.

She waited about 30 minutes, pretending to be dead until they left her alone. She then managed to walk and crawl almost a mile until she found someone's home. Thank goodness for good Samaritans!! They helped her inside and called 911, and she was later air lifted to a level one trauma hospital. She is doing OK physically (by the grace of God!!) but I pray for her to heal emotionally. She is such a sweet, beautiful girl that it just breaks my heart that these two a#*#(&&(*&#( could do that to her.

All you can do (IMHO) is continue to pray for her, and let her know that she has your full support and if she ever needs to talk, you will be there for you. God bless you and your family during this very hard time.

Nicole

PS--the two :censor: :censor: :censor: who did this to my cousin were caught by the Texas Rangers in cooperation with local authorities and are now being held in jail with no bond since they are illegals. The police in this country are awesome!!
 
#60
I am so sorry......just be there. One block away....I can't even imagine. I heart aches for your SIL, for her husband, your whole family. I am so sorry. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers.
God bless you and your family.
 
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