Sad Hermes Experience - Any Advice/Input Welcome!

[soramillay]

I was moved by this piece in the NYT and I’m going to leave it here: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/16/style/modern-love-she-was-my-world-but-we-couldnt-marry.html

A young man writes about buying a Rolex watch. From the outside, he looks like he has the world. He’s a lawyer, he lives in New York, he can afford this piece of luxury that most people can’t ever aspire towards.

But you don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives and what private suffering they may have. Which is why we can all do with a little empathy for others in our daily lives.

 

[PJW5813]

In defence of the SA:
If he was not well enough to go in to work, he might not have been well enough to deal with other matters relating to work either.
There were other SAs to help, so he could have been confident that any of his clients could be assisted.
You were not denied the bag he had reserved for you.
The unfortunate problem with the wrong hardware would not have been any different had he been there, although he might have been in a better position to ameliorate you disappointment.

This is another example of over relying on cultivating an SA courts disappointment.

 

[ElegantRascal]

A lot of us understand that your post wasn’t really about the handbag; getting the exact handbag you want is a sort of control when other things are out of your control. Opinions will differ, but this is how I took your post. Best wishes!

Thank you for understanding! Yes that's exactly right.

 

[Luv n bags]

I didn’t know SA’s are required to call their clients when they call in sick. Is that exclusive to Hermes?

 

[ElegantRascal]

OP, I feel for you. I know that your reaction to the bag having the wrong hardware was a culmination of everything that is going on in your life right now. Sometimes there is so much we have to deal with that we look to a little retail therapy to make things seem a little bit brighter. I’ve done that on more than one or two occasions and it helps when we get our hands on something that we have truly desired. It makes us happy and helps us forget if only for a moment all the negative things that our surrounding us at that time. You were expecting that happy moment and unfortunately you didn’t get it. Stay strong, hopefully things will get better and you will be able to get the bag you wanted. I don’t think you were being over dramatic with your response, you were putting a lot of hope into getting that bag and given your current situation, you were extremely disappointed. I’m sure your SA will work with you and in time you will get the bag you want or another that will make your hear sing. Wishing you all the best!

Yes that's just how I felt, thank you so much for understanding and for your kind message!

Wow, whatever you feel about bags, anyone who had the OPs experience would've been disappointed, peeved, and upset. Doesn't matter if it was a bag, car, box of chocolates, whatever. She had waited a long time, had to jump through a few hoops to get to the store, and she ended up not getting the product she had asked for. I would be having a fit if that happened to me. I would think her SA would know, given their history, what it took for her to get to the store and he certainly would've known how long she's been waiting for that bag. There's no excuse for him not to have at least given her notice that he would be out that day.

Thank you for backing me up! My SA's really lovely, and he knows that I was unhappy with what happened, so I think he'll do what he can to help me.

First of all, my mother always said that if you don't anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Secondly, if you are a member of TPF, you know that it can be so much more than "just a bag". Yes, there a those who a new B or K on a regular basis (though I am not saying that they shouldn't), but this was something special. Obviously. I only own one K and I recently got it. I had wanted it for years and now I have it. It's an important achievement for me and celebrates a special new chapter in my life.

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, especially if I am going through a rough time or have something really pressing on my mind, I say to myself: "Today I will order that new scarf/bracelet/earring (insert my object of desire for the moment) and that makes me a little happier and the morning a little easier". In 99 per cent of the case, I never order it, but I say the same thing to myself the next morning instead. One might say that is wrong and you shouldn't get happy about materialistic things. BUT I SAY, YOU SHOULD. As long as you know what really counts in life, why not get happy about a scarf or even a B or K?

So Elegant Rascal had a rough time and she focused on one dream. That is what might have got her through that year. I am sure therapists have a word for that, but I say: Well done! Of course you felt all the bad things in your life, of course you have suffered, mourned and stressed. You know what is really important in life. That doesn't mean you don't deserve to ALSO what something pretty, something to look forward to, a goal to mark getting through a rough stretch or even to have a daydream that soon, so soon, you have your bag. That is never frivolous. It's a coping mechanism and quite frankly, in my opinion, a way to also enjoy life admits it all.

I get it. And I hope your SA will work magic for you to get YOUR bag. Please keep us posted.

Oh this was so nice to read, that's exactly how I feel! Thank you so much for replying.

OP was promised something that would celebrate a few landmarks in their life and help celebrate her determination against adversity: sickness, family deaths, celebration of hard work at school. It appears she confirmed multiple times with her SA that the specs of the bag were exactly what she wanted, and the SA confirmed it was indeed PHW. The travel to the store was long and to travel a great distance for something that was confirmed to be the specs she wanted, which turned out to be wrong, is disappointing. I would be upset too, and I don't hedge my happiness on material things. But this would really peeve me off!

I truly believe this is MORE than just about a handbag's hardware.

I think GHW is gorgeous but if it isn't something you wanted, better not to spend all that money on a bag that would be used with regret and disappointment. I do hope you get the bag of your dreams but more importantly I wish you health and happiness.

It really was something that had special meaning to me, thank you for understanding! And I definitely feel it would have been much worse to spend so much money on something I didn't even want.

Well said!! I don’t understand folks whose comments’ only purpose is to rub salt into someone else’s wounds. And whoever said the thing about material things - I mean, why are you even on this forum if you feel that way? We are here because those material things bring us a measure of happiness - whether it’s a coping mechanism, a reward for hard work, or simply an appreciation of beauty and craftsmanship. OP expressing disappointment or “sadness” over something she was promised and went to great trouble and patience to obtain is, in my book, completely reasonable - not “whiny” or “entitled.” It was also obvious from her post that she had been through a rough emotional time.

Geez Louise, have a heart.

Yes I definitely agree - luckily people on this forum are usually (like you and all the other lovely people replying!) so nice and supportive to each other, just appreciating pretty things and helping each other with queries and problems. Thank you very much for your reply.

 

[ElegantRascal]

It is just a handbag, but this disappointment was in a series of sad things for you.
Four years ago I bought and paid for a Grail Birkin from a trusted Japanese seller.. I asked them to wait a couple of weeks to ship as I would be out of town with sad family matters. Then I received an email that they had sold it to someone else by mistake in the time they were holding it, and mind it was paid for. Of course they refunded my money, but I was crushed, as it was the only bright spot in a string of sadness. I am sad for you.
I hope you get exactly what you want soon.

Yes, that's just it, I just felt a bit crushed. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and at a difficult time too - I hope you got your perfect bag in the end, or will get it in the future! Thank you for the kind reply.

I think this is about the relationship with your Hermes SA, and feeling let down by that person with whom you’ve cultivated a relationship over the past few years.

Think about it— what other brand encourages (and some would say forces) its customers to form such close personal relationships with SAs in order to buy in demand items there? And for B/K/C there are no other official avenues to purchase aside from the SA relationship, unless you take your chances in Paris.

I believe this can create a sense of greater emotional attachment and personal connection to the brand, but also the possibility of great disappointment as well. In my opinion, it was really thoughtless of your SA to ask you to come all the way over there, not tell you he would be out, only to offer you a bag you didn’t want. Sorry you had to go through this, but I do feel confident that you will get what you want eventually, if not soon.

Maybe for now, material things can be just material, after all, you have your degree and that is one thing that will always be a part of you, and will truly last a lifetime.

Yes that is true actually, I was a little bit hurt. But he is a really nice person, and I think he was really upset to find out what had happened. I think he will try hard to get me another one. And you are right, I should remember just to be pleased with what I've achieved, even without the bag as a symbol of it! Thank you so much.

I think we all know that if you've been having a hard time, it doesn't take very much to get very, very sad. Someone snapping at you on the street, a spot in the dry-cleaning, certainly a bag you were looking forward to coming with GHW could be the last straw.

We all know that it's beyond a first-world problem to have your $10K handbag graduation milestone arrive with the wrong hardware in a world where most don't get higher education and those who do are saddled with years of debt, but we are also all on a forum about purses, so we accept that and also understand how upsetting it is.

OP, this should be a place to vent and I'm sorry you got some nastiness. This forum is actually a pretty snarky place and there's something called an "ignore" function which I encourage you to use liberally - I do
The best news is that there are Bleu Nuit bags out there and your SA will find you one with PHW. Let us know what happens!

Thank you yes that's exactly right! It was just the last thing in a series of difficulties. I'm really so grateful even to be able to think of getting such a beautiful and rare and of course very expensive bag. At least my seeing it as something to get upset about shows that I appreciate how special it is (if you see what I mean)!
I didn't know there was ever any snarkiness here - thank you for the tip about the "ignore" function!
And thank you so much for the encouragement - I do think he'll try really hard to find me my bag, so I am feeling hopeful again!

I was moved by this piece in the NYT and I’m going to leave it here: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/16/style/modern-love-she-was-my-world-but-we-couldnt-marry.html

A young man writes about buying a Rolex watch. From the outside, he looks like he has the world. He’s a lawyer, he lives in New York, he can afford this piece of luxury that most people can’t ever aspire towards.

But you don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives and what private suffering they may have. Which is why we can all do with a little empathy for others in our daily lives.

Thank you so much for sharing that, it really is so moving, and I agree completely with you.

 

[Carrierae]

I agree that the OP has a right to say she’s sad over hw on a private forum dedicated to handbags.

I think the frustration is that she took a train to buy a bag of a specific set of specs...despite feeling ill.....to have to wait longer than expected because her SA was out sick (not his fault but also stressful to miss her train).....then to find out her dream bag wasn’t her dream bag. All that time and effort of waiting to pick it up for it to not be right.

I’m just as particular with GHW as she is with PHW. If I traveled to my local store (3 hours away) to get my dream Birkin...and it showed up with a different hardware....I would be pissed that I wasted my time. If they merely offered it while I was in town, I wouldn’t be annoyed or hurt at all...just not for me. She took a special trip to pick up a specific bag and would have been able to decline it over email if the hardware didn’t suit her. It doesn’t make her entitled or a princess to be disappointed that a bag of a specific specs being held for her was not accurate. It’s not FSH Russian Roulette where you get what they offer you. Yes, I get some ladies would kill to have any bag like that, regardless of hardware, but you can apply that argument to anything. None of us would be allowed to be upset over any of our first world problems because someone always has it harder (insert eye roll).

This is supposed to be a relatively safe and private space to be able to gloat, chat, and even vent over frivolous purchases. Many of us would not even have these conversations with a friend or family member. If it’s not safe to vent here in an appropriate area, then where should we go? Or should we just never utter a single line of dissatisfaction?

A bag can transform completely by hardware alone. Etain looks like a cooler grey with PHW, yet warmer with GHW. Black looks more evening elegant with GHW but it has a casual vibe with PHW. She’s allowed to be sad. Is it the worst thing ever? No, but it still can be disappointing.

 

[Newbie2016]

I agree that the OP has a right to say she’s sad over hw on a private forum dedicated to handbags.

I think the frustration is that she took a train to buy a bag of a specific set of specs...despite feeling ill.....to have to wait longer than expected because her SA was out sick (not his fault but also stressful to miss her train).....then to find out her dream bag wasn’t her dream bag. All that time and effort of waiting to pick it up for it to not be right.

I’m just as particular with GHW as she is with PHW. If I traveled to my local store (3 hours away) to get my dream Birkin...and it showed up with a different hardware....I would be pissed that I wasted my time. If they merely offered it while I was in town, I wouldn’t be annoyed or hurt at all...just not for me. She took a special trip to pick up a specific bag and would have been able to decline it over email if the hardware didn’t suit her. It doesn’t make her entitled or a princess to be disappointed that a bag of a specific specs being held for her was not accurate. It’s not FSH Russian Roulette where you get what they offer you. Yes, I get some ladies would kill to have any bag like that, regardless of hardware, but you can apply that argument to anything. None of us would be allowed to be upset over any of our first world problems because someone always has it harder (insert eye roll).

This is supposed to be a relatively safe and private space to be able to gloat, chat, and even vent over frivolous purchases. Many of us would not even have these conversations with a friend or family member. If it’s not safe to vent here in an appropriate area, then where should we go? Or should we just never utter a single line of dissatisfaction?

A bag can transform completely by hardware alone. Etain looks like a cooler grey with PHW, yet warmer with GHW. Black looks more evening elegant with GHW but it has a casual vibe with PHW. She’s allowed to be sad. Is it the worst thing ever? No, but it still can be disappointing.

Nicely said. I was thinking of your "first world problem" example all day as I glanced through this thread.
I think everyone on this forum is blessed to be able to spend time and money on a hobby devoted to handbags, for it is just that. Half the world lives on less than a $2/day or $730/year ( price of Chanel bag raincoat approx or 1 H clic clac). 80% live on less than $10/day (um..Chanel mini...OR a a few H clic clacs). With that in perspective there should be no venting from anyone about handbags period. ...not about colors or hw or creases or dents or anything...BUT as several have pointed out this is PURSE forum so you should be able to share your joy or momentary frustration as it relates to your purse hobby as the OP was doing in her own way.

Outside of the forum I hope we all realize (and I am sure the vast majority do) that no purse is going to make us whole and most all of these purse related frustrations are fleeting and have minimal impact on our long term well being or lives.

 

[Gigllee]

All points valid. For me personally, This will be more of an anger-inducing situation more so than a sadness-inducing encounter. However, I also appreciate that people react to things differently especially due to other factors leading up to that given encounter. Before We all get angry or even sad about anything though, I think it’s important to pay close attention to intent. It could and would never have been the SA’s intent to go through hoops to score a bag with the wrong hardware for his/her client right? I mean it’s not like Hermes is short of demand for B/K/C even if it’s wooden hardware haha. The word “sad” caught my attention and may have led others to resort to the “its just a bag” rhetoric. I’m waiting for OP’s happy ending though just out of mere appreciation for what if feels like to get exactly what you want. I ve somewhat been in her shoes before so I can relate . All feelings are valid

 

[lyseiki8]

Nicely said. I was thinking of your "first world problem" example all day as I glanced through this thread.
I think everyone on this forum is blessed to be able to spend time and money on a hobby devoted to handbags, for it is just that. Half the world lives on less than a $2/day or $730/year ( price of Chanel bag raincoat approx or 1 H clic clac). 80% live on less than $10/day (um..Chanel mini...OR a a few H clic clacs). With that in perspective there should be no venting from anyone about handbags period. ...not about colors or hw or creases or dents or anything...BUT as several have pointed out this is PURSE forum so you should be able to share your joy or momentary frustration as it relates to your purse hobby as the OP was doing in her own way.

Outside of the forum I hope we all realize (and I am sure the vast majority do) that no purse is going to make us whole and most all of these purse related frustrations are fleeting and have minimal impact on our long term well being or lives.

Very well said, especially the last paragraph.

 

[Txoceangirl]

I’m so sorry to hear about your difficult year and the disappointment you faced at H. I too would reject the bag and request my SA to correct the situation. Wishing you well and a good outcome regarding your dream bag! Stay strong

 

[cathee1]

I think we all know that if you've been having a hard time, it doesn't take very much to get very, very sad. Someone snapping at you on the street, a spot in the dry-cleaning, certainly a bag you were looking forward to coming with GHW could be the last straw.

We all know that it's beyond a first-world problem to have your $10K handbag graduation milestone arrive with the wrong hardware in a world where most don't get higher education and those who do are saddled with years of debt, but we are also all on a forum about purses, so we accept that and also understand how upsetting it is.

OP, this should be a place to vent and I'm sorry you got some nastiness. This forum is actually a pretty snarky place and there's something called an "ignore" function which I encourage you to use liberally - I do
The best news is that there are Bleu Nuit bags out there and your SA will find you one with PHW. Let us know what happens!

There is an ignore function??? Do tell.
And I really don't understand snarkiness either. Not here, not anywhere. (Try to think about that myself, especially towards my husband...hehe. There is rarely a reason for it. Communication can be done better.)

 

[park56]

I was moved by this piece in the NYT and I’m going to leave it here: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/16/style/modern-love-she-was-my-world-but-we-couldnt-marry.html

A young man writes about buying a Rolex watch. From the outside, he looks like he has the world. He’s a lawyer, he lives in New York, he can afford this piece of luxury that most people can’t ever aspire towards.

But you don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives and what private suffering they may have. Which is why we can all do with a little empathy for others in our daily lives.

Wow - thank you for sharing that article, it was so touching - especially when I read the end note.

 

[cathee1]

Oh this was so nice to read, that's exactly how I feel! Thank you so much for replying.

Of course!

 

[CaviarChanel]

I hope for happy ending, OP