RIP, my Seoulie-Bear - God speed you to green fields
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I'm so sorry, DQ.
HG, thank you for this too. When I was searching for what to say, your lovely words spoke it all.
HG, thank you for this too. When I was searching for what to say, your lovely words spoke it all.
thanks everyone. i've been trying to be brave and not admit it, but i'm really having a hard time with this. on its own it would have been bad enough, but heaped on top of jeter's illness and death it's just too much.
i'm feeling guilty -- seoul had a colic surgery about 5 years ago, and was prone to gas colics ever since. i had always said that if he had another surgical colic i wouldn't put him through that again and we'd just give him a graceful end. but he was such a tough old man that when it came down to it i couldn't let him go without giving him a fighting chance. he survived the surgery itself, but the anesthesia did something to him neuroligically and he wasn't able to use his legs and get up afterwards. and i just have this image burned into my brain of him struggling to get up and not being able to, and the guilt and the pain are unbearable. i SO wish i had let him go the night before. but i suppose if i had done that i'd be feeling guilty today for not giving him a chance.
i don't know what to do, and i can't stop sobbing. right now i don't know whether prayers ever work, but if you have any to spare i could use them. i wish i were strong enough not to ask. but i'm not. i've never met most of you and never will -- and yet it helps to have your sympathetic words and thoughts.
there's a line in the movie fried green tomatoes -- she's talking about her son who died at 30 and says 'God takes us when he wants us.' i think it might be true.
i'm feeling guilty -- seoul had a colic surgery about 5 years ago, and was prone to gas colics ever since. i had always said that if he had another surgical colic i wouldn't put him through that again and we'd just give him a graceful end. but he was such a tough old man that when it came down to it i couldn't let him go without giving him a fighting chance. he survived the surgery itself, but the anesthesia did something to him neuroligically and he wasn't able to use his legs and get up afterwards. and i just have this image burned into my brain of him struggling to get up and not being able to, and the guilt and the pain are unbearable. i SO wish i had let him go the night before. but i suppose if i had done that i'd be feeling guilty today for not giving him a chance.
i don't know what to do, and i can't stop sobbing. right now i don't know whether prayers ever work, but if you have any to spare i could use them. i wish i were strong enough not to ask. but i'm not. i've never met most of you and never will -- and yet it helps to have your sympathetic words and thoughts.
there's a line in the movie fried green tomatoes -- she's talking about her son who died at 30 and says 'God takes us when he wants us.' i think it might be true.
getting angry helps -- maybe i need more stuff to get pissed about. yesterday i was returing the horse trailer to my friend who had loaned it to us, and his teacher had just arrived and was introduced to us. i walked away to do something after he expressed sympathy and i over heard him actually say to my husband "at least it wasn't a family member."
excuse me? he WAS a family member!! and yes, i'm fully aware that it is tragic to lose the humans in the family, but that really doesn't bear on the current loss. good gad, man - grow a sensitivity meter for heaven's sake! on the other hand, i did stop crying as i waked away cursing like a sailor.
excuse me? he WAS a family member!! and yes, i'm fully aware that it is tragic to lose the humans in the family, but that really doesn't bear on the current loss. good gad, man - grow a sensitivity meter for heaven's sake! on the other hand, i did stop crying as i waked away cursing like a sailor.
Do not blame yourself!! This is what my mother did when out cat of 15 years (a family member, a person without a pet could not understand) was
diagnosed with womb puss. She did everything she could, staid with the cat for nights, we gave her medicine every 3 hours. She volmited, she wasn´t feeling any better, it was hell. Still to this day (this happened 4 years ago) she blames herself for "trying too hard" or "I can´t believe I put her through that, I should have just let her go". This is what parents do, you were the mama of this horse, you couldn´t let him go without a fight.
diagnosed with womb puss. She did everything she could, staid with the cat for nights, we gave her medicine every 3 hours. She volmited, she wasn´t feeling any better, it was hell. Still to this day (this happened 4 years ago) she blames herself for "trying too hard" or "I can´t believe I put her through that, I should have just let her go". This is what parents do, you were the mama of this horse, you couldn´t let him go without a fight.
DQ, I am so sorry for your loss! My heart goes out to you. Death of a loved one, be it man or beast, is always hard and very personal. Somebody once said with great love comes great pain and i have found that to be true.
i am so sad to think of you crying your eyes out and we can do nothing for you from where we are, but for now i hope you will take some comfort in knowing you were a good horse mommie and he knows you always did what you thought was the best thing for him. (((big cyber hug to you))). even though we have never met, i think you are very dear, and you and seoul and and jeter too will all be in my prayers
i am so sad to think of you crying your eyes out and we can do nothing for you from where we are, but for now i hope you will take some comfort in knowing you were a good horse mommie and he knows you always did what you thought was the best thing for him. (((big cyber hug to you))). even though we have never met, i think you are very dear, and you and seoul and and jeter too will all be in my prayers
Dearest E, my heart and prayers go out to you. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a companion you've had for over twenty years. I am so glad though that Seoul wound up with you during the last twenty years as I can't imagine a more loving or caring owner that he could have had.
DQ, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend Seoul. He sounds like a sweet boy you'll miss very much. What a lucky horse to live out his years with you and your family. Take care.
I'm so sorry Sweetie....and so close to Jeter....I wish I could be there to give you a BIG HUG (I have tears going down my face as I write 
) But I know you're a strong girl, and DON'T blame yourself for anything, you did your best for him!! Prayers and hugs are at this moment crossing the Atlantic and coming your way!
) But I know you're a strong girl, and DON'T blame yourself for anything, you did your best for him!! Prayers and hugs are at this moment crossing the Atlantic and coming your way!