Relationship question

LouisLady

LouisLady

Member
May 22, 2006
6,160
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#1
I'm aware that love is blind and sometimes you don't see the truth...so I thought I should ask for my pf friends for your opinions.

Every time my man and I have a fight, he ALWAYS says something like " Well, if you aren't happy, then you can go."

We've been together for about 2 years and live together so it's a pretty serious relationship.

I am SO sick of hearing him telling me that I can go and blah blah blah.

Is it just me or is he that easy to just let me go?

Should I test him? I don't know what to do.

I am so tired of hearing him telling me I am free to go as I please if I am not happy with him.

:confused1:
 
#2
I think that this is a pretty typical saying for men. My exboyfriend has said this to me a few times before, as has Bart after a really heated arguement.

Let him know that his saying that pisses you off and hurts your feelings. Tell him that it makes you think he doesn't care about the relationship and he would be able to give you up in a heartbeat.

Likely, it's just his "comeback". His way of ending the fight so that he doesn't have to deal with it anymore.
 
#3
It's just out of anger. Me and my bf (when the relationship was newer) would say things like that too...even more hurtful things and then regret it later when the steam has blown off. We talked about how we treated each other when we fought and came to the conclusion that we never meant anything we said...so why say such hurtful things? It's anger and pride. Both males and females do it not just males. I think you need to talk to him and tell him how much it hurts for you to hear him say these things to you, and well if he does mean them then yeah i suggest you teach him his lesson. I can almost guarantee he will regret it. It does take awhile to try and not say such hurtful things when we are upset, after all we are all human right? But practice makes perfect and when you love someone you should never disrespect them in any manner...and vise versa.
 
#4
while it might be just said in the heat of the moment, i'd take it very seriously.

How do u guys generallly end arguements? do you always have to give in to him ?

does he apologize for saying this after you're both done arguing and cooled down?


like others said, talk to him and tell him that this is very hurtful and if he doesn't mean it, he shouldn't it say it.

it sounds like he's said it alot of times and honestly, i'd walk out. and if he continues to say these things after you talk to him about it, seriously think about walking out.
 
#5
Thanks Lamia,Jena,& Bubble for the advice so far.

How do u guys generallly end arguements? do you always have to give in to him ?
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I usually get the last word due to my stubbornness.

does he apologize for saying this after you're both done arguing and cooled down?
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Yes, he's the one always to apologize. Again, I am too stubborn to say sorry. But he is the main one to always sweeten things up after everything has cooled down.

it sounds like he's said it alot of times and honestly, i'd walk out. and if he continues to say these things after you talk to him about it, seriously think about walking out.
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I think I will talk to him and let him know that if HE doesn't want me , or is not happy with me, then HE can let ME go instead of handing it over to me all the time.
 
#6
I think I am the one who usually says that line instead of my BF. He says it sometimes but not as much as me. Honestly, when I say it during a fight, it is usually because I am just soo fed up and tired and angry that I want peace and to probably be alone for a while. But it is mostly said in anger, and sometimes after it is said during a fight and we had time to cool down and think it over we always apologize. I don't think it means that he doesn't care about you. Just more of something that's blurted out during the moment
 
#7
LouisLady said:
I think I will talk to him and let him know that if HE doesn't want me , or is not happy with me, then HE can let ME go instead of handing it over to me all the time.
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LouisLady, you say he always apologizes after you fight, so he seems to be a sweet guy. so why don't you try to put this in less offensive words? like others have suggested, why don't you tell him that it hurts your feelings when he says that you might as well leave. Ask him to imagine how it would make him feel if you said the same to him. I am almost sure he will understand :yes:
 
#8
The question should be..are you guys constantly fighting?? If so..that's not a healty relationship as it is. And if he does they '' then go'' you should..and if he loved you and cared for you he wouldn't let you go.
 
#9
The question should be..are you guys constantly fighting?? If so..that's not a healty relationship as it is. And if he does they '' then go'' you should..and if he loved you and cared for you he wouldn't let you go.
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No, we do not fight that often. We are a very chill couple but everyone has bumps along the way. We don't constantly pick fights. It only happens sometimes.
 
#11
I wouldn't say my b/f says it all the time after an argument, but, he has told me more than once that if I'm no longer happy that we don't have to be together. He's always the one to apologize first, I'm too stubborn, and once all is said and done, I remind him that I want him, why I want him and why I love him, and vice versa. I think it's just a male thing, him trying to act like he doesn't need you. Esp since you mentioned that you always seem to have the last word. Try talking to him and telling him there are other ways to end an argument other than telling you to leave, that might help :smile:
 
#12
Hmmm Ok louislady... he sounds reasonable so far....

does he realize how hurtful those words are and that they shouldn't be just said everytime he's frustrated about something? talk to him and hopefully it'll be a productive conversation and you won't hear those words again :tup:


As for "if HE doesn't want me , or is not happy with me, then HE can let ME go instead of handing it over to me all the time.", also think about it as if you keep on hearing this phrase, it may not be abt him anymore and you might decide You want him to go! and you will go or kick him out of the house. :idea:


good luck, hope he thinks before he speaks the next time.

LouisLady said:
Thanks Lamia,Jena,& Bubble for the advice so far.



I usually get the last word due to my stubbornness.



Yes, he's the one always to apologize. Again, I am too stubborn to say sorry. But he is the main one to always sweeten things up after everything has cooled down.



I think I will talk to him and let him know that if HE doesn't want me , or is not happy with me, then HE can let ME go instead of handing it over to me all the time.
Click to expand...
 
#14
My SO of six years played that card for a while until I finally put my foot down and made him stop. He didn't even realize what he was saying, he just got angry and let it slip. No more of it!
 
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