Relationship question

Guys definitely need to realize how much things like that hurt.

Right now I'm really upset with my bf -- of over a year -- because he's decided that things are "too serious" and wants to know why we can't just be more "laid back". Meanwhile, of course he is the one who tried to make it more serious in the first place. Last night I was crying on the phone to him because he had ignored my birthday and was generally being an *ss lately...and he HUNG UP on me. When I asked him if he could at least still say that he loved me before we went to sleep so that we didn't end the day angry, he HUNG UP. He still hasn't called today. Hmm...maybe I will start my own thread on this -- don't mean to bogart yours!

Back on topic, people need to realize that there are certain things that you shouldn't say even when you are fighting. If you think that he really is saying that he could easily let you go then maybe you need to take charge of the situation. Think about whether this is the type of relationship that you want. That way, if you do go, it will be your decision. And if you decide to test him, you will be prepared to move on. I'm trying to learn to do this myself.
 
Guys definitely need to realize how much things like that hurt.

Right now I'm really upset with my bf -- of over a year -- because he's decided that things are "too serious" and wants to know why we can't just be more "laid back". Meanwhile, of course he is the one who tried to make it more serious in the first place. Last night I was crying on the phone to him because he had ignored my birthday and was generally being an *ss lately...and he HUNG UP on me. When I asked him if he could at least still say that he loved me before we went to sleep so that we didn't end the day angry, he HUNG UP. He still hasn't called today. Hmm...maybe I will start my own thread on this -- don't mean to bogart yours!

sorry to hijack the thread a bit...MandM, to me it looks like he wants to get out of the relationship, but he is too much of a coward to break up himself and he treats you like and a$$hole so that you dump him yourself ... cheap and ugly behaviour. He IGNORED your birthday and HUNG UP on you ? :death:he aint worth a single more word from you hon !
 
hey ya - to be honest with you, you have got a nice guy who is happy to accept you as you are, and after an argument said whatever came to his mind - at the end that is. is it possible that both of you said a lot beforehand?

honestly, the stuff my hubby and I had going at the beginning of our marriage I probably can't even mention here, in our case we had to 'claim our stakes', kwim? and both being hot-blooded - oh well one word gave another.

for me, what your bf says depends on how the situation was beforehand, and also what you said. if both of you had heated words, this is just a slip maybe and he doesnt mean it. maybe it is a reaction to what you said, and ok, yeah maybe he means it. I would ask him outright - putting him to the 'test', sorry, for me is not a very mature reaction. i would deal with it directly and then act accordingly.
 
I also take things very seriously like that. My boyfriend and I when we would get into a heated fight he would just be like, well maybe this isn't the right thing for us to do. As if it's so easy for him to just give up. The last time we had a huge fight we broke up for about a week and a half and he actually felt the regret of what he said.

You need to talk to him and kind of be like choose your words wisely because I take them for what they are. I told my boyfriend just because it's a heated fight doesn't mean that you can just get up and leave. If you do that, think about it twice because if you just leave, I'm not coming back. Because there's been occasions where he'd just be like "I want a break" just to hurt me.
 
thanks u so much for all of the sweet responses.

I was out shopping at Target ( bought house items,etc) and He called me! He was really busy at work but called to say HI and told me he missed me and that he loves me. ***Blush***...see I told ya he's always the one to come to apologize!!! hehe :heart:

But then, tonight I am gonna have a talk with him and let him know how I feel when he says those kinds of things.

I'm gonna go grocery soon and whip out a cookbook my dad sent me a few months ago and put something nice together for dinner today. :biggrin:
 
I believe he says that kind of thing because he feels way too secure of your feelings for him. He only keeps on saying it because he knows you won't go. Give him a little scare.. don't call for a few days, see how he reacts when you've actually "gone".
 
Guys definitely need to realize how much things like that hurt.

Right now I'm really upset with my bf -- of over a year -- because he's decided that things are "too serious" and wants to know why we can't just be more "laid back". Meanwhile, of course he is the one who tried to make it more serious in the first place. Last night I was crying on the phone to him because he had ignored my birthday and was generally being an *ss lately...and he HUNG UP on me. When I asked him if he could at least still say that he loved me before we went to sleep so that we didn't end the day angry, he HUNG UP. He still hasn't called today. Hmm...maybe I will start my own thread on this -- don't mean to bogart yours!

Back on topic, people need to realize that there are certain things that you shouldn't say even when you are fighting. If you think that he really is saying that he could easily let you go then maybe you need to take charge of the situation. Think about whether this is the type of relationship that you want. That way, if you do go, it will be your decision. And if you decide to test him, you will be prepared to move on. I'm trying to learn to do this myself.

MandM, Happy belated birthday! :balloon::dothewave::flowers::flowers::flowers:

You totally and definitely did NOT deserve to be treated like that..that wasn't very nice of him to treat you that way...especially it was your birthday too!

Every woman deserves nothing but LOVE & being treated like a queen. I'm sure you are a QUEEN too!

Please don't waste your time on this guy. He truly doesn't seem to appreciate you.

:heart:
 
I believe he says that kind of thing because he feels way too secure of your feelings for him. He only keeps on saying it because he knows you won't go. Give him a little scare.. don't call for a few days, see how he reacts when you've actually "went".


:sad: I kinda did think of this...on how he feels that I won't go thats why he says it all the time. My family is in another state and the only other family member I have around is my older brother whom lives 10 mins away but he knows I hate going over there. So besides that, I think this could be right...b/c I really don't have anywhere else to go if I DID leave him.

Hmm....
 
Alot of women here seem to think just because he doesn't understand it's hurtfull, or as if he means to tell you something hidden within those words.

As you said yourself this happens in a fight.


That's usually a mans way of telling you to leave him alone. And a little bit of reverse psychology too. If you don't leave him after he says it then you relinquish more controll to him. The plan is to have you comeback later apologizing. Or maybe just have you not comeback.
 
My bf said that out of frustration before, and then I accused him of trying to make it easy for himself by getting out of the relationship (and that being on me) instead of wanting to solve the problem, and I said that I'm staying because I'm not making it that easy for him :roflmfao: He doesn't really tell me things like that anymore though because I think he knows that I'll actually leave if I feel he means it. I've gotten over worse things in my life than having to start over. I live with my bf as well. I also think sometimes they may say those kinds of things so that they feel wanted when you say that you dont want to leave etc.

I hope you feel better!
 
thanks u so much for all of the sweet responses.

I was out shopping at Target ( bought house items,etc) and He called me! He was really busy at work but called to say HI and told me he missed me and that he loves me. ***Blush***...see I told ya he's always the one to come to apologize!!! hehe :heart:

But then, tonight I am gonna have a talk with him and let him know how I feel when he says those kinds of things.

I'm gonna go grocery soon and whip out a cookbook my dad sent me a few months ago and put something nice together for dinner today. :biggrin:


One thing i have learned is even if it was mostly his fault whenever there is an argument both are always at fault for one reason or another (name calling etc.) So don't always wait for him to apologize...let down the pride and say your sorry too! Trust me it helps TONS!! But im glad to hear things are workin out...and "somethin special" huh? hahaha...:graucho: