Pretty on the Outside
"The Real Housewives of NYC. Ship happens.
Hello again. I accidentally slipped and fell off the face of the blog world recently which occasionally happens. I really appreciate you all continuing to leave your input on the shows during my absence. So..... there have been three NYC Housewives episodes whilst I was gone. Lord that mercy. From three episodes ago what stands out the most was the new housewife Sonja- who appears to be insanely loaded, fairly neutral, and probably a bit bored- had her psychic or medium over to do a reading. I'm just going to say it, her medium is an extra-large. That's terrible to write, but it's true. Come on. And she was missing at least half her teeth. I'm sure Sonja could ebay list one of her toile table runners or photo collection of Argentian one-night stands and buy that poor woman some dentures. And maybe a hat. I'm also sure Jill wined and *****ed and demanded being the center of attention at all times. Naturally. Bobby, get me a medium. Bobby, get me a medium with all her teeth. Bobby......
Last week was when Alex tried to make an impression on Jill by telling her that she's "in high school and a mean girl." True and true. Jill's mouth, of course, was set on machine gun mode as she rattled on nonstop deflecting Alex's jabs. Luann was there to throw her blanket of darling comments over Jill to comfort her. If Jill wasn't such a self-absorbed nut-bag... well, she probably won't be on that show. So if she was just a slightly scaled back nut-bag and not so needy, she wouldn't have to have Luann draped all over her. Those two wackos are made for each other.
Last night, Ramona's Vaginal Rejuvenation World Tour kicked off in St Johns aboard a beautiful rented yacht with her contractually obligated friends: Bethenny, Kelly, Sonja, and Alex. Out of the country Ramona might have been even wilder if that's possible.
It's as if the ocean was full of Pinot Grigio and she was hell bent on drinking it dry. Ramona wore countless bikinis, Ramona drank countless glasses of wine, Ramona danced, Ramona got hammered and tried to shu..ah...uut Kelly doooownnn. God I love Ramona. I really do. She's a spunky little dog that every now and then might bite you.
I'm not quite sure what to make of Kelly. Is she crazy? Yes. Is she dumb as a rock? Yes. Has she just gotten by in life because she's pretty? Yes. Clearly she's without a sense of humor or much general knowledge. Yes and yes. I love that on the ride to the yacht, Kelly was telling the other ladies that she doesn't eat processed food or high fructose corn syrup but does eat gummy bears. When Bethenny pointed out that that's what gummy bears are made from, Kelly countered with "they're fun." Huh? Is fun a food group? I'm actually glad she's on the show as she clearly doesn't understand most of what's going on around her. Or how to open a door on a boat, or that wine is made from grapes, or that having a one-night stand doesn't mean it's unprotected sex, or........ I love what Kelly doesn't know. Hell I think Kelly should write a book called, "What Kelly Doesn't Know." I'd buy it.
Speaking of authors, Luann is treating us to her latest talent--- singing. I love that too. Luann is a triple threat: author, singer, countess, and man eater. Wait, that's fourth things. While the other gals were in St Johns, the Countess was getting frisky with this hot piece.
I caption that, "Kiss Kiss Yuck Yuck." He looks like Sonja's medium. Ha!!! No, he looks like Rod Stewart transitioning into Melissa Ethridge. During this awkwardly sizzling kissing scene, I put my hand over my mouth so my cabernet wouldn't come shooting out. I mean.... really, it was like the opening scene of The Ring.
Jill wasn't on last night and you know what, I liked that. I also liked Alex a lot and Sonja is totally growing on me."
dead. 
