Re: Bag addiction hurting marriage....

[Marly]

My husband feels that everyone should have a few shoes- one for work, play and dress- and a handbag for casual and dress is all one needs. So thats 5 items. Perfect. WRONG!! (because he also chose to marry me).
As long as I don't jeopardize the household budget and use only money that I have instead of putting us in debt, he can't complain. I just have to act responsibly. Besides, he's got the things he loves to spend money on. A couple of rounds of golf at an expensive club are equal to a nice handbag in my book- so there.

 

[Virginia]

Thank goodness my BF doesn't get mad at all when I buy new purses. He doesn't quite understand why I'd spend so much but yea, he just voices his opinion and drops the subject.

 

[IntlSet]

My boyfriends have always thought it was amusing, and some have funded purchases. But I can't help but think how things might change if we were actually married.

 

[iloveelmo]

My DH supports my bag habit 100%. You might even call him an "enabler" (I am soooo lucky) In fact he has surprised me with a few of my LV bags. I of course have always supported his fine swiss watch and BMW habits!

 

[doulosforhim]

A marriage is more important (hopefully) than a handbag collection. If it really bothers your husband-especially if it's at the point of hurting your marriage, you need to sit down together and work out an acceptable way to handle it.

Why don't you both sit down & work out an acceptable amount that you can spend per bag or yearly on bags? It probably won't be as much as you'd like to spend or as small as he'd like you to spend, but it might be a step in the right direction.

Good luck!

could not have said it better myself.
your marriage should come first. if your love for handbags is hurting you marriage, please communicate with him and agree on a conclusion together.

 

[Tanja]

I guess I'm one of the lucky girls even dh doesn't get it why I love bags so much he doesn't have a problem with it that I spend a lot of his money on them. I'm ver fortunate to have someone like him who wants me to be happy. He hardly ever buys anything expensive for himself but when it comes to me the best is just good enough. Therefor I get him the expensive things (like a cooking class with a famous chef) he wouldn't buy. Hhe's a real Techie and loves computers, multi media things but he doesn't have to spent anything for it because he gets it all for free from work. So he's happy as a sandboy working in the industry and I'm happy because there is more money for me to spend on bags
I just love him for listening when I go on about bags, the leather and craftmen ship etc.
I think the best is if you talk to him and make it clear that you deserve it t have some nice things. I hope that the situation will get better!!

 

[BlkLadyLaw]

I'd have to agree if owning a home is a mutual goal you may have to put the shopping on a temporary hiatus. I did not start this luxury bag habit until I had closed on a house and I basically did not shop for two years while I saved for a down payment and closing costs for a home. I am so grateful that I did. That was far more important to my long term future and it has doubled in value since I bought it 3 years ago. The equity in it also enabled me to buy another as an investment. Now I can afford all the bags I want with no guilt because I took care of the priorities first. I do want kids one day and I know that once that comes my buying will need to slow down. But am nearing the end of having bought my dream bag collection in almost every color I could dream of..minus a couple of pieces I still hope to obtain. My spending is tapering off now that I have built an extensive collection and by the time I have kids I doubt I'll need much more than what I have (beyond new shoes ). You have to have common goals and want the same things in life. I think as long as you are earmakring the majority to the financial priorities you should find less arguments about spending excess on the splurges. Just as a I couldn't justify parking a $50k+ car in front of an apartment vs. a home ...I couldn't justify "parking" a $20k+ bag collection in an apartment vs. a home.

 

[BlkLadyLaw]

There is system that many financial advisors suggest that I agree with. Many people are marrying now later in life after they have not had to answer to anyone when they want to spend money. So I think this system alleviates a lot of problems. First you must mutually agree on what financial goals you will have in the marriage (funding retirement, emergency funds, college funds, home improvements, saving for vacations, saving for a home) in addition to the household bills. You have at least 4 acounts: a joint savings for the long term goals, a joint checking for the monthly household expenses/bills, your personal account and his personal account. You identify how much you need to be putting away monthly into the joint accounts to fund these things. Then you identify what % income each person brings to the household. If my boyfriend and I hitched I would be bringing in 75% and him 25% of the total income (hopefully the disparity will get a bit better aftert he finishes a masters...I can only hope ). Based on that I would contribute 75% of that monthly amount needed to fund those accounts and him 25% of the amount needed. Now family goals and expenses are paid for. You both retain the excess of your incomes in your own separate accounts and what you do with those funds should be your own business.

 

[Serendipity]

My husband doesn't mind my spending habits because I put priorities first. I would feel guilty and not purchase anything if we didn't own a home, cars, had good jobs, etc. I hope you and your hubby get thru this.

 

[allbrandspls]

Thanks for the response I was doing the same thing and did a good job of hiding my bag purchases. However he started to wonder where I was getting all my bags from and where the money was coming from. I don't use my money that I make from work or his money at all I try not to do this because I leave this for regular stuff that we need for the household and the kids. I sell things on ebay that I no longer want and whatever I make I buy a new bag with that. So I really can't understand why there is a problem. He just doesn't see the point of me wasting so much on a bag. My arguement is that he buys stuff for himself big screen tvs, CDs, and he is a tattoo freak which we all know is a expensive hobby as well. I don't nag him about anything he buys or where he blows his money as long as I know that we are paying our normal bills and household stuff. I don't go crazy and buy a bag every month or everyday so I don't see that I have a real problem with my bag addiction. He never complained before he knows that I have a bag fetish but since I moved up to more expensive bags that are over the $500.00 price range he thinks I am insane for even paying that much for a bag. I guess we will have to work something out to make both of us happy...

I also have the same problem. My husband use to buy expensive branded stuff and now doesn't, he said that he realises that your only buying for the name. He also said that the bags are for rich people and celebrity who can afford it.
I also started selling some of my bags i don't use and other items just to compensate for the new bag i wanted to buy. He doesn't see the point of buying a new bag when i already have a few expensive ones. He say that the money can go towards the mortgage and neccessary stuff. But, if i wasn't to sell my stuff then there still wouldn't be any money to go towards extra repayment for mortgage/ food. What i sell is my own money. Like what he sells is his own money.

 

[pursedoc]

i just told my husband that my bags are cheaper than a second wife.

 

[manolo maven]

So much of this has to do with deciding together what your goals are as a couple. I know if my shopping was a financial burden, or if we were saving for a house or something, I would have to take a little break. The bags/shoes/clothes will ALWAYS be there. It's easy to get in the accumulating mood when you're a part of a community like this, but you have to keep things in perspective. It's not worth ruining a relationship to get more stuff.