Question for Parents With Children in Preschool/Daycare

Jan 26, 2007
239
66
The preschool my child attends has a "parental committee" that I was asked to be on last year. I only went to two of the meetings because of health issues and surgeries, one of which was major and required a longer hospital stay. I also decided I didn't want to be on the committee any longer because the mother who heads up the committee is incredibly snooty. She's a local business owner who is very type-A and controlling. At the first meeting, she was very vocal about how great she was and what a supermom she is because she can juggle so many responsibilities. The fundraiser suggestions she made always involved her business. Every time I tried to make a suggestion or offer up an opinion about something, she would shoot me down and say it in such a way that came off like she was joking. At one point, when we were discussing something, I said something looked out of the corner of my eye to see her rolling her eyes.

After the rough year I've had, this is the first month I haven't had back to back doctor's appointments or any medical procedures/surgeries. I was asked by the preschool teacher to be on this committee again this year. I tried to tell her I have at least two more surgeries ahead of me before the end of the year, and didn't really want to commit to doing something I may not be able to follow through on. We put our daughter in preschool because we have no family in the area and there are times when I need to be able to do things, like doctor's appointments, and not have to worry about trying to keep my preschooler entertained and well-behaved. I didn't really want to go into the details of why I don't want to be on this parental committee, as I don't want to be viewed as someone who isn't willing to help out when needed. I wished I could just tell the teacher "I'd rather have bamboo shoots shoved up under my fingernails than be in the same room with a snooty, micro-managing chick who views me as mud beneath her feet." Unfortunately, I'm going to have to be a bit more diplomatic than that.

Are preschool-type PTO's like this common, or is this unusual? I don't really have many other mom friends, and the ones I do have don't put their kids in a daycare or preschool environment, so I really don't know.
 

redney

Lovin' Life!
O.G.
Apr 21, 2006
13,709
3,260
Yikes, that woman is such a PITA. I think you'll find people like that on various committees or whatnot, regardless if they are parents.

Don't feel guilty about saying no to the teacher. You have a legitimate reason to decline beyond not wanting to be in the same room as that other woman. You don't even have to mention your opinions on that woman to the teacher - chances are she already knows. I bet she'd like her off the committee too but in her position, can't really kick her off, KWIM?

If you wanted to, you could offer to help the school out in other ways, which wouldn't involve being on that committee and which wouldn't interfere with your medical procedures/treatments.

Good luck!
 

LabelLover81

Peace Love & Purses
O.G.
Mar 5, 2010
7,665
155
Virginia
I would tell the teacher the reason why. Maybe a lot of others feel this same way. I don't have a child yet, but I volunteered in the local Girl Scout council for years and there were just certain leaders I couldn't work with and I was very up front and honest about it with the local manager. I think she appreciated the honesty.
 

Alexa5

Member
Nov 2, 2011
4,138
11,940
I would be very happy to tell the teacher why I didn't want to do it, if it were me :smile: Though I am the type of person if I feel strongly about something, I will speak up. But if I were you I definitely wouldn't be a part of the group anymore...doesn't sound worth your time.
 

NYCBelle

oh so fabuleuse
O.G.
The preschool my child attends has a "parental committee" that I was asked to be on last year. I only went to two of the meetings because of health issues and surgeries, one of which was major and required a longer hospital stay. I also decided I didn't want to be on the committee any longer because the mother who heads up the committee is incredibly snooty. She's a local business owner who is very type-A and controlling. At the first meeting, she was very vocal about how great she was and what a supermom she is because she can juggle so many responsibilities. The fundraiser suggestions she made always involved her business. Every time I tried to make a suggestion or offer up an opinion about something, she would shoot me down and say it in such a way that came off like she was joking. At one point, when we were discussing something, I said something looked out of the corner of my eye to see her rolling her eyes.

After the rough year I've had, this is the first month I haven't had back to back doctor's appointments or any medical procedures/surgeries. I was asked by the preschool teacher to be on this committee again this year. I tried to tell her I have at least two more surgeries ahead of me before the end of the year, and didn't really want to commit to doing something I may not be able to follow through on. We put our daughter in preschool because we have no family in the area and there are times when I need to be able to do things, like doctor's appointments, and not have to worry about trying to keep my preschooler entertained and well-behaved. I didn't really want to go into the details of why I don't want to be on this parental committee, as I don't want to be viewed as someone who isn't willing to help out when needed. I wished I could just tell the teacher "I'd rather have bamboo shoots shoved up under my fingernails than be in the same room with a snooty, micro-managing chick who views me as mud beneath her feet." Unfortunately, I'm going to have to be a bit more diplomatic than that.

Are preschool-type PTO's like this common, or is this unusual? I don't really have many other mom friends, and the ones I do have don't put their kids in a daycare or preschool environment, so I really don't know.
Is it required? If not then just say you're not interested. I couldn't deal
 

CobaltBlu

Butterfly Wrangler
Moderator
O.G.
Oct 20, 2006
40,129
2,047
This is a great time to learn how to say no. I am a veteran of PreSchool Board of Directors, Montessori school parent committee, Waldorf parent committee, public school PTSA, Special Curriculum committees, Playground Committee, Soccer parents group, Riding Club Board of Directors, Show Manager, bla bla bla...

Guess what. I only JUST learned how to say no. I JUST removed myself from a committee (not related to my mom job, another one).

If I had it to do over again, I would NOT BE PART OF ANY OF THOSE THINGS I did.

Because it frustrated me to no end, probably took years off my life, and kept me away from my daughter.

It was required to serve in the PreSchool Co-op, everything else was because I saw a need and filled it. Phooey on that. Regardless of the time I spent, the curriculum was awful, the playground dragged on until my daughter graduated school, and on horse show day I couldnt even watch her ride. If I wasnt planning an event, I was planning a meeting, or talking on the phone, or on the computer doing the publicity or program or some such thing.

Plenty of people say NO. I wish I had been one of them.
You can help in other ways. Or write a check.

I dont want to sound bitter and cynical, but my daughter just moved away and I wish I had some of that time back. During the playground planning year, I had the poor child in after school program so I could have meetings and got to playground planning camp. She never even got to use the equipment! ugh.

You don't need the aggravation.

Learning to say NO now is the greatest gift you can give yourself. The only ones entitled to your time are members of your own family.

:heart:

Be strong!
 
Jan 26, 2007
239
66
The daycare director put a memo in each child's mailbox that the state requires there be a parental committee with at least three parents. Apparently, this is part of the schools' state certification. This just seemed odd to me, considering this is a private daycare/preschool provider, it's not publicly funded in any way. I didn't realize the parental committee stuff started in preschool. What's also odd are the topics they discuss and expect the committee to get involved in-licensing requirements, tuition, organizing fundraisers, etc. To me, these are the school's responsibility. It's not what I pay tuition for.

I'm definitely not looking forward to grade school, where the PTO's and committee things get worse and with more women. We already plan on paying the one-time big lump sum that PTO requires to excuse our daughter from having to participate in fundraisers. I won't fit in with the other younger moms, anyway. I'm 44 years old (graduated from college in the dark ages LOL), don't live in a mcmansion, and don't remotely resemble Nicole Kidman from "The Stepford Wives."
 
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