tPF Bish
Jul 7, 2006
I LOVE puns, even the cheesy ones!

Here are my favorites:
  • Thought you tied your shoes right, eh? Frayed knot.
  • Beats me why anyone would want to be a masochist.
  • Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
  • Are Philosophy papers graded with Marx out of ten?
  • I met some cult members who worshiped soup serving utensils. I said, 'Oh ye of ladle faith.'
  • Most males in a men's room are stand-up guys.
  • The parsley farmer couldn't pay his child support, so the courts garnished his wages.
  • It is difficult to escape being a peasant because resistance is feudal.
  • Make no bones about it but the ulna has a humerus side to it.
  • The oil well driller had a boring job.


Feb 17, 2006
Thanks for starting this thread.

I love puns and many years ago loved listening to Frank Muir and Denis Norden on "My Word!", broadcast on the BBC World Service . Marvellous puns by two masters of wordplay!

Bought second-hand this book and have enjoyed reading and re-reading it. Worth a try for anyone who loves puns.

Frank Muir and Denis Norden "Take My Word For It"




Some notable ending lines
One notable example of a tale that did purport to explain the phrase's origin told of René Descartes at a New Year party hastily scribbling a note to warn a friend that he'd started on the buffet snacks too early: I THINK THEY'RE FOR 1 AM.
"A snapper-up of unconsidered trifles" spawned a tale of a collection containing "a snipe, a harp, a fern, corn-seeded trayfuls" (Frank Muir).
"The game is not worth the candle" gave Muir the chance to tell the story of "The gay Miss Knotworthy-Kendall". A similar line was "The gay Miss Harp" for "The game is up". (Note Muir's tendency to use "harp" for "up".)
"You can't have your cake and eat it too" inspired Dennis Norden to tell of the perils of representing yourself in court after a late lunch - "You can't advocate and eat at two".
Genius is "An infinite capacity for taking pains" according to the old saying. Frank Muir portrayed his partnership with Dennis Norden as "An intimate complicity for talking puns".
Oscar Wilde described an English fox hunt as "The unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable". In Muir's hands this became the tale of consanguineous lust ending with "The Hon. Sparky Beale in pursuit of the Hon. Etty Beale".
"And so to bed", Samuel Pepys' frequent diary entry, caused Dennis Norden to weave a tale of romance where the agonizing choice between suitors left a woman with the question of what she would see out her bedroom window on her honeymoon. Having made her decision, she looked out one morning "and saw Tibet".
Another favorite: The Roman of classic times who's always had trouble growing flowers awakens to find a beautiful garden and wonders if his servant has taken plants from a famous neighbor: "Our roses arose. Is a row Cicero's?"
"The lights are going out all over Europe" gave the touching story of a kindly but hapless veterinarian who, during his life, could not get sheep to open their mouths for inspection; when he died he found in Heaven that "The lambs are going 'Aaah!' to Oliver Yarrop."
In perhaps the most fiendish challenge, the famous Mary Poppins song title "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" was rendered into a shopping list, including a remedy for the shopper's terrible bad breath: "Soup, a cauli, fridge-elastic, eggs, pea - HALITOSIS!"
Winston Churchill's description of Soviet foreign policy ("a riddle wrapped in a mystery in an enigma") yielded a tale of mystery and intrigue as Sherlock Holmes attempts to save the life of a minor noble in England whose life has been threatened by anarchists. The chosen method of execution was a small figurine containing poison inside a crumpled page torn from a penny dreadful, stuffed into a long rubber pipe with a nozzle at one end and a bulb at the other. "See what it is, man? A wee doll wrapped in a mystery in an enema."
"East is east, and west is west, and never the twain shall meet" reminded Denis Norden of a vet who kept birds from building a nest in a horse's mane by sprinkling the mane with powdered yeast: "Yeast is yeast, and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet."
Muir's version of the typing exercise "Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party" was a story about children's many different (often confusing) words for urination, ending with a call for a committee of worthies led by someone like Lord Goodman to standardise the terms used, because: "Now is the time for Lord Good-Man to come to the aid of the potty".


tPF Bish
Jul 7, 2006
Some more:

  • I dropped out of my communism class because of lousy Marx.
  • The compensation received by the Italian chef was a pretty penne.
  • A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
  • If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
  • Some rappers are good but others are Ludacris.
  • Males who wonder why they should have a prostate exam usually get it in the end.
  • There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.
  • The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
  • Rectum? Damn near killed him!
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.