Problem!! Advice please???

beautiful stranger

The Original Angel
Nov 27, 2005
I feel like SH!T today!! :sad:
I went to pick up my daughter from nursery as usual but this time a friend of mine came with me (she wanted to walk actually and tagged along) anyway .. there is this little boy at my daughter's nursery who has down's syndrom ... we have 2 kids in my extended family with the same case so I absolutly understand every little detail about it ... plus .. I am a volenteer in my home country in one of the centers that help kids like him ... I love this boy to pieces!! he is ablsolutly adorable and my daughter loves him too ... she takes a flower to him everyday ... anyway ... the friend that was with me is kind of the curios type .. kinda nosey ... she was looking at the little boy and I was really scared that she would say or ask something that would hurt the boy or his mom .. so I just looked at her and told her (the boy is sick) <== in our language so the woman wouldnt understand .... when we left ... the woman and her son drove by us in the car and she spoke to us in our language (apparently she is from the same region we are from and understands our language) .. she said (you shoudl have waited till I left to tell your friend that my son is sick .. and by the way he isnt sick .. we are all sick and he isnt) .. i tried to explain to her that I didnt mean what I said and God knows what my intentions are ... i couldnt tell her that i wanted to prevent my friend from embarressing them and hurting the boy but i couldnt since my friend was right there beside me ... the woman just drive off ...
I knwo how bad she feels cuz i have kids and if someone said something about them i woudl freak out!! but she doesnt know me and i didnt have a chance to explain myself!! ... the problem is it's already holiday now and i wont be able to talk to her till April 24th!!! I could ask for her number from school but i dont think they are allowed to give that out ... I could also write her a letter and ask the teachers there to mail it to her .. or I could explain what happened to the teachers and ask them to talk to her .. i havent stopped crying since i got home!! i feel like crap and I have no way of contacting her!! :sad: .... I swear i cant stop crying!!!!!!!!!! what should i do?????? any suggestions???
Aww Sweetie, it was an honest mistake. Its not like you were being ruthless and trying to be mean, you were trying to prevent your friend from saying something off-colour!
I would probably wait until you see her again at the school to say something, so she's had some time to calm down and be rarional about it. She's a human being and will be able to listen to reason I'm sure.
Here is the bad news. The damage is done. She probably is calling you every name in the book and thinking you are a total loser. Here is the good news. You have time for her to cool down. Take this time to write her a letter explaining everything. Give it to her on April 24 or when you see her again. You have time to think about what you are writing. People are human. She knows this more then anyone I am sure. When you have a child with special needs you are sensitive...but you are also patient. I promise you when she reads your letter and has time to digest it all, everything will be ok. Its one of those hard situations in life that makes us feel like crap but in the grand scheme of things it will pass. And you know what. Her son is the sense that he has a medical condition. Someone in her life will explain that to her and she will be reasonable. Dont beat yourself up. You tried to be sensitive and spare feelings. You did the right thing. Chin up sweetie!

Angel, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. I think we all have made mistakes like that before. With that in mind, the fact that you feel bad about it, is what sets you apart from people who do it to hurt others. Selena is right, you should write a letter and give it to her on the 24th. I know that it seems like a far ways off, but it will be here before you know it. take care.
oh man, that kinda stuff happens to me all the time! I feel for you!
I think I would talk to one of the teachers and see if you can reach this woman. She needs to know the truth. She's probably programmed to be on the defense because she's probably heard it all, ya' know? If you are able to obtain her address, send her some flowers with a card explaining everything and invite her over for coffee or something. A great friendship may come out of this!
UUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so sorry-don't you hate it when your good intention go oh so worng :shame:. Chin up-I'd write the letter/note like everyone else has suggested and stick it in is cubby. She's probbaly really upset and it may take her a few days to calm down (I'm a a mother like you and we are BARRICUDAS when it coes to our children:wacko:) Hopefully, she'll read the note when she is calmer and you two can talk. I also agree with bagnshoofetish invite her over for a coffee and a playdate (since your daughter like shim anyway) and all will be well again.
his angel said:
i will try asking the school for her number .. if that fails .. i will write her a letter and ask one of the teachers to hand it to her ... I still cant stop crying :sad: god!!
please don't cry! it's gonna all work out. really! we love you!
big, big, hug!!!
I'm sorry... we know you didn't have any bad intentions so you need to forgive yourself. You didn't insult the little boy, "sick" is not a bad word. Or is it insulting. I am a teacher now and use to teach autistic children. The parents know what their kids are. They are the ones that would tell me handycapped jokes! I was always floored when they told them to me, I didn't know if I was suppose to laugh with them or not! Mature parents have come to grips with that reality. I cannot imagine having a handycapped child, bless her for her patience! Really, she can't be upset with you, you didn't say anything terrible and most importantly, you had no INTENTION of hurting anyone, just trying to explain it to your friend. Truth is, she was probably having a hard day and was being sensitive.

Please forgive yourself. I would just send her a nice note/card in the mail or give it to her when you see her next. I personally don't think you should over do it, flowers might be much, don't feel guilty about what you said. You can feel bad that her feelings were hurt and that wasn't your intention but don't play that you are a bad person, you are not!!

Take a deep breath, go hug and kiss your kids, and say a prayer for her!

It'll be okay!

thanks soooo much for all yoru hugs :smile: i feel warm already ...
i am already writing her a letter now ...
i wish teh school would just give me her mail address .. or i will have to wait for next term ..
thanks everyone!! thsi forum rockSSSSSSS
I seventh the motion of the letter!
Write down everything you just told us and ask her to coffee when she's had some time to read and digest.
You did nothing wrong. Your intentions where proper and ya I understand parents pride and all but fact is she will have to deal with much worse.
Maybe she was having a bad day is all.
Good luck and keep us posted!