Private School Vs. Public

Beach Bum

Feb 17, 2006
Here is the debate I am currently having with my too smart for her skin 10 year old..LOL.
My daughter is an exceptional a gifted program in public school.The middle school she just started SUCKS..BIG TIME....They are teaching stuff to her that she learned in SECOND GRADE!(shes in 5th grade)She comes home every day CRYING because she is bored in school and wants a challenge..How sad is that. all know how hard headed I am.Ive gone to EVERYONE in the school system for over a month and Ive gotten NOWHERE.
Ive made an apptmt for my daughter at a private school to sit in on their 5th grade class this week.She is FREAKING OUT.She hates change..but her school isnt working out and her education will suffer if she stays in the public school.
Im going to ask that she goes and tries it out for ONE DAY in a very nice private school by us and see what happens.
One of my friends thinks IM NUTS.She thinks I should let my daughter lose interest in school JUST to keep her with her friends.
She is a SUPER kid,straight A student and I think she'd do fine once she adapted to the huge change.
AM I WRONG???....and yes..she comes home everyday in tears as it sad is it that a school refuses to challenge a child?Shes very bright but this school is SERIOUSLY lacking in the teaching deptmt.
Need some opinions here.....this is where Im stumped.Hate her school..but also hate to see her have to adjust and make new friends in a school 30 mins away.
What do you think?


Love LV
Aug 24, 2006
Southern California
You'll never know what she thinks unless you try! I think that's a marvelous idea for her to sit in on a class in private school. Maybe she'll love it or hate it and then at least you'll know!


Jan 15, 2006
I'm sure she'll adjust and make new friends in time. Besides, maybe after she starts school, you can let her have a sleep over with her new classmates to make friends?

I just reread this. I hope everyone knows I mean girl classmates. hehe


Certified bag addict
Mar 31, 2006
I went to a private school from first to eighth grade then I switched to a public school for high school. BIG CHANGE!! When I entered high school, I was so ahead of everyone, b/c my private school really prepared their students well. They seemed to care more at a private school then at a public. They taught us harder concepts, but I didn't realize it was hard, until I got to high school, b/c everything was just so easy for me, and that was because of the private school education I received. I couldn't tell you how much of a good idea it is to put your daughter in a private school;it will really help for college, also. She would thank you later for putting her in a private school.

dusty paws

Sep 20, 2006
East Bay, CA
I think the sitting in idea is a great idea! I know that change is really hard to adjust at first, but she can still keep in contact with her friends from her public school and I'm sure she'll make great new ones at the private school.


Nov 28, 2006
Hi Jill,

I feel hear your dilemma.

2 things I want to address:

#1 Your daughter's current school is not going to change the academic curriculum of the entire student body just to accomodate your daughter's needs. It's the politics; it's the money; it's the parents of all of the other students.

#2 Do not deprive your daughter of her academic needs because you want to protect her social life. She's in the 5th grade. At that age, she should be able to make freinds at every corner she turns. Now is the perfect time to equipt her with those skills.

I'm sure she'll protest to leaving all of her friends behind, but you need to tell her that life isn't about staying in your comfort zone and sticking to the same social circles. A person can't grow into a mature adult if she doesn't challenge herself from time to time.

I moved schools 4 times by the time I was in the 6th grade. No, it wasn't always easy, but I learned to adapt and teach myself the important social skills that I still live by to this day.

By keeping her at her current school, you're depriving your child of the proper academic stimulation that she needs. And protecting her social life? Au contraire! You're stifling her social life. She needs to learn to break out of her mold and socialize with different people. She might just meet much better quality of friends at her new school who offer her more mental stimulation.

Good Luck! I'm rooting for you!


tPF Bish
Jul 7, 2006
I've never been to private school, but it's important for your daughter to get a good education!

(I'm not implying a private school automatically equals a good education, but in your case, Jill, it does!)

I think she should try private school. If she's worried about missing her friends, set up times where she can see them (and point out that she can make friends at the private school, too!)


Oct 24, 2006
Does the middle school have a gifted program? When my sister was in elementary school, she was in the gifted class, which was better than nearby private schools. Then, she went to Jr. High school and the school claimed to not have a gifted class. The elementary school 5th grade teachers promoted all the gifted students to NON-gifted jr high school classes because they were new teachers and didn't know better. The Jr. High school DID have a gifted class, but they denied its existence so parents don't fight to get their kids into the class. Anyway, we knew the jr. high school had this class because I had gone to that school years ago. (They even change the number "code" of the class that's gifted every few years to confuse parents)...anyhow, this gifted class is also better than nearby private schools.

I suggest you look into this, and definitely research the private schools because although some are fantastic, some are profit-driven or have lots of remedial students.


Aug 16, 2006
I vote for the private school....

My kid has always attended private schools, some had wonderful teachers and education, and some did I think it depends alot on which school....private or public...

But overall, Private schools do provide more nurturing and respect to the students and they monitor kids more closely.....thats the reason I send my kid to private.

Your daughter sounds like she needs a change for sure...I would say to visit many schools and find the one that you feel fits her personality and would provide the best circumstances for her needs. I think that after she settles...making friends wont be an issue anymore. :smile:


Mar 10, 2006
It is hard enough to keep kids interested in school - if she is not being challenged by all means find a program that will work for her. Kids are adaptable - but do it soon, as a former middle school teacher I can tell you change during those years is rough socially. Let her shadow at the other school and see if there is anyone she bonded with and try to maintain contact until the change is in place. I mean, invite to parties or playdates if needed to ease the transition for next year. If you are planning a transfer this year it will require a bigger leap of faith and a serious examination of your daughter's social skills. If she is outgoing she should be okay anyway. Let us know what happens. :rolleyes:


Nov 28, 2006
I would definitely send her to a private school because education is very important. Sending her there will also teach her an important social skill -- adapting...a trait that many successful people possess.


Sep 4, 2006
United Kingdom
I would always choose Private School, more one to one, your daughter might kick up a fuss to begin with but she will soon settle down. I think going the one day is a good idea but not long enough. Really she needs to be their for a least a couple weeks. If it was my daughter, and everyone is different, I would just take her out of the public school and put her in the private one, after all this is her education we are talking about and if the public one is no good you really do not have another choice.


140 lbs lighter
Feb 5, 2006
Take things one step at a time. If she goes and really doesn't enjoy it, take it into CONSIDERATION, but don't say 'ok, you don't have to go'. Sit down with her and give her the pros and cons.

Explain to her that even though she won't see her public school friends as much, there are still the weekends and you're not moving so if her friends live in the area, she will be able to see them there.

I believe in Public Schools. I went to a Public High School. I lived in the number 2 public school system in Maryland and went to a really great school. So hopefully everyone knows that not all public schools are bad, but sometimes you have to do what's best for your child.

It's not like you're making her go to boarding school. Just down the street a bit.


Jan 12, 2006
Jill, I struggle w/ this sometimes too and my DD is only in K! LOL!
We're lucky that we're in the top schools in TX, #2 in the state last I checked, but public is still slightly behind sometimes.
My DD went to Montessori for 2 years and could easily have been put in 1st or 2nd grade at the level Montessori put her at, but obviously a 5 yr old can't hang w/ 7 yr olds so it's really fine, too it's is just Kindergarten.

So, I've been giving the different schools a lot of thought. . . and I agree w/ everyone else.
Getting back to basics and thinking about it from a non-emotional POV, I'd move her.

My 12 yr old 2nd cousin just changed from private to public and her MOm was so scared and guess what? She's Student Council Pres already! It's only been 12 weeks!

I'd do something special, maybe the 2nd week of the new school let her have a slumber party w/ some new friends and some old ones? Or if there's a fun kids' hangout there, let her have both sets of friends on a Sat{?}

But you don't want a bored kid at school, a bored kid is the one that ends up getting in trouble. Keep them busy, busy, busy and you'll always know where they are!