- Postpartum Support Thread -

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  1. I wanted to start this thread because I had a lot of issues following the birth of my DD and I felt like noone I knew could relate. After the initial high of bringing her home, reality sunk in and I hit an all time low. On top of being exhausted, inexperienced, hating my body, and not eating properly, I was depressed for weeks. My bf and I were fighting daily and I was certain that we were going to break up. I was so paranoid that he was cheating on me that I would call him at work constantly, check his cell phone, paystubs, bank accounts, everything. I was a nutcase. I resented the fact that he got to go to work and "escape" for a few hours. I felt like a failure because I couldn't breastfeed. I hated how my life had changed in all the ways that they don't tell you about. I would hold my daughter and cry my eyes out thinking that how could I love her more than anything else in the world but at the same time wish that we never had a baby.

    Things eventually got better, but I wish that I could have talked to someone who had gone through this before. I know many women go through PPD and aren't able to talk about it so I want this to be a place where they don't feel embarrassed or ashamed to discuss their emotions, fears, and frustrations.

    Ladies who have been through this, please share your stories and check in to provide encouragement and support.

    Thanks guys.
  2. I am glad things eventually got better for you. This is serious and if you are still suffering from it, you didn't mention how long ago did you deliver, you need to seek proper counselling.

    So with issues such as recovery, painful stitches (be it natural or c-section), sore nipples, clogges ducts, eat only 'heaty' food, do not consume water or veges or fruits, no shower, no hair wash, crying or fretful baby, 10 different advices from family members, hormones trying to get back to normal, weight issues....yes, it will drive anyone nuts too!

    For me, I am lucky to be living in Asia where we got a confinement lady (who takes care of babies which includes feeding, bathing, changing, putting them to sleep, cares for them at night and also cooking for the me) for a month. I also have a live in maid who helps me out together with my mom, aunts, mother-in-law's support, I still felt it, although not serious. For me, it's just thoughts running through my head. I read about postpartum depression, what to expect and how to notice the signs, I just to have keep myself busy and try not to think about it. I too was exhausted at night as I opted to care for my baby at night, I just felt it's right for me to be with him as I was breastfeeding him rather than confinement lady or my live-in maid.

    I think it is quite common in places where mummies are unable to get support after delivery. Over here, we have confinement homes where you stay in the homes where mummy and baby will be cared for for a month. Mummies are able to rest and recuperate. Babies are in good hands and mummies eat 5 meals a day, that's the chinese tradition.

    So to keep myself sane, I told everyone that I am going to recuperate by doing things my own way and not what they think is right for me. Luckily both my mother and mother--in-law doesn't believe in traditional chinese methods, so I decide what's best for me.
  3. I hope you are now doing okay? PPD is a very serious thing. I think I too suffered the "baby blues" maybe a little PPD. The first week was sooo hard. I was sleep deprived, not eating, not able to breastfeed, had headaches all the time and was so exhausted I was physically sick on my stomach. I too felt like a failure for not being able to breast feed. I cried and cried. I had to quit trying to BF after the first week. DS was hardly getting anything, my nipples were cracked and bleeding and I just could not do it anymore. I never got any milk and I tried for 10 days. DS did not latch properly because as it turns out he is "tongue tied". No one caught it. Maternity leave for me was in a way like a prison. It was the dead of winter, no one could get to our house for huge snow storms one right after the other after we came home. I did not leave the house except for Dr's appts. So yeah those first 6 weeks were hard. It got easier once the snow melted people could come see us and then I finally went back to work. I hated not being able to stay at home with my DS but in all honesty going back to work helped me. I was able to feel normal again and see people and act like a human. I missed my son terribly but he was in good hands. I never really talked with anyone either except maybe DH. He was good during my maternity leave. When he came home from work he would take over for me for a little while so that I could get a shower and have a few minutes to myself. Like I said it actually felt good to get out of the house and go back to work. Things do change a lot when a baby is added to the picture and for some people it is a complete eye opener. And sometimes they can not handle it. In these cases they should get professional help or at least talk with someone.
  4. I agree that the first two weeks can be an incredible shock to the system. I just wanted to go back to being pregnant again. :biggrin: It got better though, I think the sleep deprivation was the part that was the worst for me... we really value our sleep around here and the whole having to wake up every 2 hours in the beginning was ALOT worse than I had anticipated.

    I think this is a great idea for a thread, and I would have also loved to have had a vent/support thread during that time. It does get better, and I agree with the previous posters that anyone that has these feelings long-term more than just an adjustment period or a bit of the "baby blues" should talk to their doctor about it.

    Thanks for starting the thread love_012 and hopefully things are a ton better for you now!
  5. Great thread!

    I know those first few weeks for us felt like an eternity and none of my friends with children seemed to remember those trying days and would only say "it will get easier". But when you are in the thick of it you, you think it will last forever. I remember crying for 3 straight days until my milk came in and then all the sudden I stopped. Must have been hormones, but no one tells you how crazy you feel. DH and I have a solid relationship after years of infertility, but we were turning on each other at 4 weeks. He was loosing it from lack of sleep and work pressure and I was a mess b/c I couldn't leave the house b/c dd was nursing constantly (found out later she was allergic to cow's protein)

    The most helpful advise I received postpartum was:
    - there is only one first... First night at home, first week, first time in the car and everything gets easier after you've done it once.
    - 6 wks things start to get better
    - don't have any expectations for your life until you hit 12 weeks
    - don't expect your body to back to normal for 1 year

    These were helpful to me b/c I had all the expectations about how it was going to be and how I would just bounce back.
  6. Thank you for your responses :smile: I did not seek proper counseling but things are much better now. I was fortunate that my bf was able to see that the crazy emotional mess was not me, but what PPD was doing. Sometimes I still feel overwhelmed when things don't go as expected, and I still don't like going out alone with DD, but it's getting easier day by day.

    Tabbyco- I wish I had heard that advice 6 months ago- it's so true!
  7. i also suffered through postpartum depression and let me tell you, it's horrible. except, you don't even realize what you're going through while you're going through it. i remember feeling so annoyed when my newborn daughter would cry—to the point that i once called my husband at work (who worked about 20 minutes away) and said if he didn't come home, i would throw her out the window! it was that bad.

    no, i knew i wouldn't go that far of course, but i was literally at my wit's end at that point. i had to grab a glass of wine and go into my bedroom and unwind for a few minutes. my husband was home in 5 minutes flat, i kid you not.

    if it weren't for my husband throughout all of that, i don't know what i would have done. i don't think i would have done anything to harm my daughter, but you never know? when you're in that state you feel your world literally caving in and you feel like you can't get out. it's hard to explain, but because of that, i couldn't even appreciate my daughter's newborn/infant months. i look back now that she's 10 and wish i could hold her just one more time as an infant.

    please ladies, if you're suffering through this, please get help and don't try to work it out yourself. if you have a supportive husband/partner like i did, it helps a great deal, but you still need to get help. believe me.

    p.s. tom cruise doesn't know what he's talking about. until he has a baby and suffers through it, he should have just STFU!
  8. #8 Oct 5, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2010
    i too felt like a failure for not being able to breastfeed by son and even told hubby so. but he reiterated that as long as DS gets all the milk he needs from me or a formula and is healthy and strong, then that is all that matters.

    unlike nvie, i did not have a confinement lady though my mom did come in for the first week. but i was worrying abt the housekeeping, meals for hubby, taking care of the baby, feeling inadequate. i felt that i should be able to do it all but of course failed spectacularly.

    thank you for this...
  9. This is a good thread. At least here I don't feel alone like I do now.
    Before, I was living in a busy city, now the place I'm living is kinda boring. That adds up with the fact that me n my DH have no help, first time having a baby, got a C-section and I couldn't breastfeed him(I went to hospital 2weeks after DS was born cuz of breast infection) makes me feel like my life is over. I keep on thinking about suicidal and actually I did once. Luckily, I guess, my DH was home in time and called 911.
    After I went back to school, I starts getting better. Althou now I'm pretty OK. But sometimes I still have the feeling of being stuck. I try to go to church by myself sometimes and there Priests talk to me makes me feel better. It's just weird that I feel I can't tell my DH my feeling, just only when it explodes :tdown: Anw, I'm trying and hopefully one day I'm free of all this PPD!! And hopefully all u gals will get better soon. :yes:
  10. It all seems so scary and endless, but u must try to realize that feeling down after delivery is normal. Some women don't acknowledge it others struggle severe depression, but the important thing is to talk to someone if possible get assistance with the baby, cleaning and cooking and get as much rest as possible. I've lived in the States and in Europe and it's very unfortunate that women there don't get any help after delivery, u take your newborn baby home and u r on your own, of coz doing all the new tasks and caring for the baby will eventually make u exhausted and very susceptible to feeling depressed. I too was feeling 'strange' I thought after my first baby, but later I realized that it was me being afraid of missing out on usual things such as work, going out anytime I wished, feeling so independent, it's this feeling of insecurity that tops over u and even though u don't have half of the headaches such as cleaning, cooking, laundry (we have a maid) and u can get as much help from the babysitter, u still loose that security u had before, become depressed worrying about things u haven't even thought of before. I'm Asian and in our culture for 40 days after giving birth the whole family treats u like a royalty, u don't do anything just relax and rest and any of your wishes is everybody's command, now when I look at this ancient tradition from modern standpoint I realize those first 6 weeks or 40 days after birth r indeed very crucial in restoring hormonal and emotional balance in a woman. I wish every woman had a full care taken of her and her baby at least for 40 days :smile: plz ladies know that everything passes and gloomy days go away too just need to take it easy sometimes. Hugs.