Please tell me there's life after divorce/breakup

crochetbella

~H~
O.G.
Mar 6, 2006
16,049
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Thank you all so much!!!! :heart::heart::heart: My grandparents came and visited me today and it was so nice. I am feeling more determined than ever that I need to file. I guess it's hard too because this is my first breakup ever! :wacko: We met when we were 15 and I've never dated anyone else. So now at 35 I'm on my own for the first time ever. I guess the fear will pass as I get more and more stuff done (file, move out, etc.) I still need to find a full time job but I think I'll be ok for right now. I just want peace and stability back in my life. I hate how he has made me so paranoid by lying all the time. I don't like the person I've become. I gotta get back to the real me!!!!:yes:

PS Bubble...come join us on the H Forum more often!!! :heart::heart::heart:
 

caxe

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Mar 31, 2007
4,416
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Everywhere
Are you kidding? After you break up with someone life is SO much better! You can move on, see what other fish there are in the sea, take up a new hobby, do things your old partner was to selfish to let you indulge in...I know that every time I've gotten a new boyfriend, I've looked back at the previous man and thought, "Oh, god, what the hell was I smoking to have wasted all that time with that loser?" I've never once regretting moving on, or wished I could have remained in a relationship that I ended. It sucks in the beginning, and I always think I'll never love again, or that I'll never find anyone else, or breaking up hurts too much and I'll never be in a relationship so I won't have to go through a breakup, but you get over that after a while.

Trust me. Good luck, and keep your head up, however things work out!


:tup:
 

Alaska

Saved by grace
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Mar 19, 2007
9,512
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Barrow, Alaska
All I can offer is a big hug- hope you get through this fine- a good thing to do perhaps is to surround yourself with positive things- it must be hard- but you will pull yourself through it.
 

fendigal

baguette collector
O.G.
Mar 1, 2006
2,417
43
Wilmington
I got divorced at age 31. I had married my second real boyfriend and had no dating experience. I met my now husband when I was 36. I went through 5 years of dating. What an eyeopener!
I really have no regrets. It takes several years to get over a divorce, so don't think it is just going to fly right by, however, when I think about it now being trapped in that old relationship with my ex, I just can't fathom being married to him.
I did have some wonderful times as a single girl during the single years and developed friendships and a social life that you probably don't have time for when you are married. I had more time to care for myself and go to the gym. I was very independent for a while. I moved across the country twice by myself with 2 cats. It was an adventure and now remarried and being 43 years old, I am glad I had the opportunity.
This is a new chapter in your life, there is an excellent book called Rebuilding. If you google it with (divorce and rebuilding) you should find it.
It does help you go through the process.
 

crochetbella

~H~
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Mar 6, 2006
16,049
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Thank you all so much!!! :heart::heart::heart:fendigal, thanks for the book recommendation. I will definitely check it out!!! :tup:
 
Nov 8, 2006
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Hey Crochetbella,

I'll join you guys on H when i'm back in shopping mode=)

I just wanted to tell you about my friend's story.

I just bumped into a family friend i hadn't seen in years. She had married a very successful guy and wasn't a total socialite but certainly lead the luxurious lifestyle. When she was in her late 30s, she got a divorce. came to a surprise to me cos they always looked like they had the perfect life. turns out the guy had been drinking ALOT all along and was getting more and more abusive.

She took her 2 kids who were only about 6 and 8 at that time and didn't get a cent. Her ex agreed to pay for the children 100% and she had to go back to working as a makeup artist and i think she had to work at the cosmetic counters for awhile.

if you think about it, it's really hard to go from being socialite type where you hired makeup artists to going and being one. to her credit, she didn't care about any of that and started from scratch. Moved from a humongous house to a small apt.

She met a wonderful guy after maybe 2-3years and they've been together for quite a while now. Her lifestyle is far from the past but i think she's happy now. she misses some aspects of her past life but i think she also realizes that you win and lose some.

so if she can do that, i'm sure you can too! =)

Hugs Bubbles
 

Mick

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Sep 26, 2006
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i wish i knew that i was going to be a stronger, more complete person AFTER my divorce, and i would not have struggled through it for two and a half years......it was a terrible time, :sad:make no mistakes about it, for me at least, and i thought my life, as i knew it, was forever changed for the worst.
i could not have been more wrong:nogood:.....i am happier today and learned more through that time than in all my years of schooling, and throughout the rest of my life, thus far.:yes:
things really do happen for a reason...it's very hard for you to visualize this now, but i assure you, you WILL not only get through this, but you will most likely be a more free and a more peaceful person for having gone through it.:flowers:
feel free to PM me anytime.....:heart:
 

crochetbella

~H~
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Mar 6, 2006
16,049
110
Thank you! :heart: I am going to go to the courthouse this morning and talk with a family law facilitator to see how to go about filing. I know my life is not going to be easy for a while but at least I'll have peace and my self-respect back. He treated me so badly and put me down so much I almost started to believe it. But no more!!! :boxing:
 

Mick

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Sep 26, 2006
5,180
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Thank you! :heart: I am going to go to the courthouse this morning and talk with a family law facilitator to see how to go about filing. I know my life is not going to be easy for a while but at least I'll have peace and my self-respect back. He treated me so badly and put me down so much I almost started to believe it. But no more!!! :boxing:
good for you! and all the best to you...you will be in my prayers....:heart:
 

Japster

Member
May 8, 2006
7,103
15
WI
H, most importantly you need to remember that you DESERVE better. You deserve to be happy with someone that supports you and is honest. You are an amazing, kind lady who does NOT need to fight for your partner's love.

You will finally be able to heal when you move on. :heart:
 

crochetbella

~H~
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Mar 6, 2006
16,049
110
Thank you Mick and Japster!!! :heart::heart::heart: You are so right...I keep telling myself I deserve to be happy and not feel sick with worry all the time. :yes: I let it go on for far too long trying to ignore or explain away the red flags. I feel like my eyes are finally open now and I really don't like what I see!!!
Razor, I read your thread and you absolutely did the right thing. Take it from someone who has been down that road...get out asap, I wish I had when I was 24. :yes: *hugs*
 

RowanOak

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Aug 22, 2006
2,060
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Deep South
You know, crochetbella, I read this whole thread just now, and I could see you going and growing stronger through just this period of time. There will be some tough moments ahead, but in exchange you will have some control over your (read: YOUR) life that seems to have been missing before. You are already *taking control and doing what you knew inside you should do...probably for a long period of time.

I just have to say that you seem like an amazing person, and one I'd love to know IRL. After this is over, and after a certain "grieving period" is over, I see you as happier than you've been in years. The very best of luck to you at this time in your life. The future will be bright for a person with your attitude. :heart: