Please tell me there's life after divorce/breakup

kcf68

Hopelessly Addicted!
O.G.
May 17, 2007
6,281
139
Everywhere but Home!
Hello, Sorry that you are going through this but I was married for 6 long unhappy years. I can honestly say he was a cheater, liar, you name it he did it. I felt obligated and scared to leave. Finally it happened and he moved out. I started having a life after him. I met new friends, developed new interests, joined a church, went back for my Masters and bought a house on my own. I am now remarried with a baby to a man much more suited to me. He is wonderful.. You really need time to find yourself and learn to be strong and most of all live your life.....Find some good friends and go out and enjoy life. I think if you do that you will feel much better and not look back but forward....:idea:
 

crochetbella

~H~
O.G.
Mar 6, 2006
16,049
113
Thanks HG :heart::heart::heart:, you are right. I know what I need to do...what I should have done months ago! :yes: I know I will feel much better about myself once I do.
kcf, thank you! That is so true. I need to focus and look forward. :heart:
 

madamefifi

cat hoarder
O.G.
Aug 23, 2006
5,813
742
virginia
...as much as I don't usually post such personal things I will say that we are at a crossroads right now. We've been arguing a lot over a lot of the same things. I'm hesitant to share a lot of details but there are some major issues we need to deal with together or else we won't survive as a couple. We're not engaged or married but we're talking about it. We can't get there until we get through a few major hurdles. We're worth it.
ACK!!! I'm so sorry to read this, you two always seem so happy! I'm really hoping everything works out!
 

Eugin

O.G.
Aug 27, 2006
1,771
0
Crochetbella, just know there a lot of ladies here thinking about you. :heart: Take care of yourself whether it is basic by remembering to eat(easy to forget during tough times!) or pampering yourself at the spa. I would not wait for him to decide what he wants. It seems deep down inside like you mentioned you know what you should do so. File away, and you can begin a new, happier chapter of your life! ;)
 

twinkle.tink

Choose to be happy
O.G.
Sep 19, 2006
21,326
504
in a fairy house
I am so sorry to hear this, lots of hugs to you. I am sure you be a stronger person no matter your decision...and there is def. life after any break up .

Thinking of you.
 

Zophie

Member
Feb 14, 2007
8,871
7
49
New Orleans, LA
There definitely is! I got dumped by a guy I was totally smitten with and it was hard. I'm not going to lie. But I got over it and realized there is a lot more to life out there waiting for me.
 

crochetbella

~H~
O.G.
Mar 6, 2006
16,049
113
Thank you :heart::heart::heart: I'll be glad when our anniversary has passed next week. I try not to get down but it's just so hard to think about what might have been vs. what the reality is. I think I'm mostly mourning the loss of the dreams I had for us. :sad:
 

merika

Wol
O.G.
Nov 1, 2006
10,409
109
Thank you :heart::heart::heart: I'll be glad when our anniversary has passed next week. I try not to get down but it's just so hard to think about what might have been vs. what the reality is. I think I'm mostly mourning the loss of the dreams I had for us. :sad:
That always happens, but then you realize that you can make newer, happier dreams for you...:heart::heart:
 

CobaltBlu

Butterfly Wrangler
Moderator
O.G.
Oct 20, 2006
40,286
3,307
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

CB, you are such a wonderful person with so much going for you. I cannot imagine that your future will be anything but amazingly bright after this time has passed.

In a year, this will be behind you, it is all still relatively fresh. When the anniversary is in the past you can look forward with renewed energy and spirit. And you will!!!

And, you can grieve without taking a step back, without taking him back. If its not right, its not right.

Call to mind the strongest, most a$$ kicking woman you can think of, and say, what would ____ do in this situation. Then do that.

:heart::heart:{{{more hugs}}}}:heart::heart:
 

crochetbella

~H~
O.G.
Mar 6, 2006
16,049
113
Thank you CB!!! :heart::heart::heart: You all are right. I have just been letting the fear of what it's going to be like on my own get in the way of me doing what I have to do. I know I have to leave. It's the only way I will stay sane. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep.
:crybaby:
 
Nov 8, 2006
2,629
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Crochetbella dear, I posted to your thread on the H forum and it's my only post there - i'm too intimidated to hangout on the H forum. i have only dared step into H once. HEHE

ANYWAY, breakups and divorces are tough and really suck. I'm still recovering from a breakup (summary: 4 yr serious relationship where guy led me to believe was going to end in marriage and he comes up with some ridiculous reasons why he can't propose when i give him an ultimatum)

milestone dates are always tough. memorial weekend was hard for me cos i thought back of the BBQs i used to do with the ex. as hard as it is now, as painful as it is, the pain and sense of loss will ease with time. slowly but surely.

think back on your dating days and how upset you were when you broke up with boyfriends. it seemed like you'd never get over the guy but surely enough, there came a day where you didn't feel that sad/angry/bitter about the guy and you stopped thinking about him. You could get past those relationships and so too will you with this one. it'll take longer but you'll be ok and you'll move on in time.


I too, feel the sense of loss of what we could have been, the things we could have shared and done together, and the loss of the 4 years that i invested in this relationship when i could have used that time in other more productive ways. For me, i mostly feel so stupid now because the signs were there and i kept on saying, maybe that's just a small thing. and now i look back and i feel so dumb for ignoring the signs and putting up with all the crap i put up with. and i don't want to spend another minute with the guy or dealing with the crap and I'm resolved NEVER to repeat this lack of judgment again! Why should you waste another minute of your life with someone who doesn't really love or care for you? As for the loss and anger, I know it will pass with time as with past relationships.


You know, you should file if you want a divorce. who cares what he wants - he certainly didn't think how you would feel when he asked for one. doesn't matter if he's not sure now. I don't know much about him and your relationship but it sounds like there are some huge fundamental problems with the lack of respect me and not being able to trust him that would rule out couples therapy. if you're not happy in this relationship and you're not being treated right and the way you should, then getting a divorce is setting yourself free from the lack of respect and everything else.

I have seen alot of older couples where the woman stays in the marriage for one reason or another and it deteriorates and gets worse.their husbands treated them worse with time and the women got more and more unhappy and insecure. not a pretty picture.


It's a big step, and i'm sure the future seems so uncertain and hazy. and sometimes a little scary too. but you'll take it one step at a time, and things will get better. Can't promise that you'll meet someone who will treat you the way you should but you might. But you'll have the time and opportunity to rediscover yourself, get involved in interests and activities you always wanted to do but never got the time/chance. The good thing is that you have a career and you're financially independent (not that you shouldn't ask for alimony and assets etc). Work has always been how i've distracted myself and gotten myself through the bad times.


We are all here for you - to support you, to hear you out when you need a listening ear and cheer you on. You'll be ok and there definitely is life after a divorce/breakup. =)

Hugs and :heart: Bubbles
 

stmichel

O.G.
Apr 28, 2007
269
0
In my experience, to cut a long story short, I thought I was gonna die--I was wishing to die. But I didn't. I guess divorce/breakup in the end just made me stronger.
 

Cristina

Member
Oct 23, 2005
13,048
38
40
South Florida
:heart:*lots of hugs for CB* :heart:

There is definitely life after divorce. It won't be easy at first, but you will get back on your feet. My parents were married for 16 years before they divorced. It was hard for everyone involved, but 14 years later, they both could not be happier. They are married to wonderful partners and I have a great relationship with them and my huge extended family.

You will get through this, you will get back on your feet and you will realize that there is so much out there for you to experience and enjoy in life :heart: