Crochetbella dear, I posted to your thread on the H forum and it's my only post there - i'm too intimidated to hangout on the H forum. i have only dared step into H once. HEHE
ANYWAY, breakups and divorces are tough and really suck. I'm still recovering from a breakup (summary: 4 yr serious relationship where guy led me to believe was going to end in marriage and he comes up with some ridiculous reasons why he can't propose when i give him an ultimatum)
milestone dates are always tough. memorial weekend was hard for me cos i thought back of the BBQs i used to do with the ex. as hard as it is now, as painful as it is, the pain and sense of loss will ease with time. slowly but surely.
think back on your dating days and how upset you were when you broke up with boyfriends. it seemed like you'd never get over the guy but surely enough, there came a day where you didn't feel that sad/angry/bitter about the guy and you stopped thinking about him. You could get past those relationships and so too will you with this one. it'll take longer but you'll be ok and you'll move on in time.
I too, feel the sense of loss of what we could have been, the things we could have shared and done together, and the loss of the 4 years that i invested in this relationship when i could have used that time in other more productive ways. For me, i mostly feel so stupid now because the signs were there and i kept on saying, maybe that's just a small thing. and now i look back and i feel so dumb for ignoring the signs and putting up with all the crap i put up with. and i don't want to spend another minute with the guy or dealing with the crap and I'm resolved NEVER to repeat this lack of judgment again! Why should you waste another minute of your life with someone who doesn't really love or care for you? As for the loss and anger, I know it will pass with time as with past relationships.
You know, you should file if you want a divorce. who cares what he wants - he certainly didn't think how you would feel when he asked for one. doesn't matter if he's not sure now. I don't know much about him and your relationship but it sounds like there are some huge fundamental problems with the lack of respect me and not being able to trust him that would rule out couples therapy. if you're not happy in this relationship and you're not being treated right and the way you should, then getting a divorce is setting yourself free from the lack of respect and everything else.
I have seen alot of older couples where the woman stays in the marriage for one reason or another and it deteriorates and gets worse.their husbands treated them worse with time and the women got more and more unhappy and insecure. not a pretty picture.
It's a big step, and i'm sure the future seems so uncertain and hazy. and sometimes a little scary too. but you'll take it one step at a time, and things will get better. Can't promise that you'll meet someone who will treat you the way you should but you might. But you'll have the time and opportunity to rediscover yourself, get involved in interests and activities you always wanted to do but never got the time/chance. The good thing is that you have a career and you're financially independent (not that you shouldn't ask for alimony and assets etc). Work has always been how i've distracted myself and gotten myself through the bad times.
We are all here for you - to support you, to hear you out when you need a listening ear and cheer you on. You'll be ok and there definitely is life after a divorce/breakup. =)
Hugs and
Bubbles
I know I will feel much better about myself once I do.
